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Dead but Alive!

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NIV

Do you ever have trouble wrapping your mind around a verse or passage in the Bible? I do and this is one of them. If I read it quickly, I recognize the theology that comes from it and agree; but when I start looking more closely I begin to wonder, What does Paul mean, "I have been crucified with Christ"? I haven't been nailed to a large pillar of wood and left to die.

And yet I do comprehend the idea that "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." I think I'm going to post in this blog a short version of part of God's story in me but for now I will share only a teeny portion.

A woman came into my life a number of years ago and made my heart sing. I loved and adored her (and I still do) but the time came when I had to choose between her and God. It was not an easy decision and as I chose God, I felt like I was dying. In a very real way I did die that day for I relinquished what I had spent my whole life looking for. But that death made space in me for Jesus, for him to take control in a way I had never allowed before.

In my prayer room is a large acrylic painting with the cross in the centre. Flowing out from the centre of that cross is a large gush of primary colours. To me they represent the life Jesus is giving me out of his death. One of my little rituals is to pour myself a goblet of grape juice and as I drink it I visualize this life of Christ's flowing out of him as he died on the cross and flowing into me and I pray, "Lord, fill me with your life; fill me with your Spirit! Produce in me love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22, 23a)


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan