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Dead but Alive!

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NIV

Do you ever have trouble wrapping your mind around a verse or passage in the Bible? I do and this is one of them. If I read it quickly, I recognize the theology that comes from it and agree; but when I start looking more closely I begin to wonder, What does Paul mean, "I have been crucified with Christ"? I haven't been nailed to a large pillar of wood and left to die.

And yet I do comprehend the idea that "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." I think I'm going to post in this blog a short version of part of God's story in me but for now I will share only a teeny portion.

A woman came into my life a number of years ago and made my heart sing. I loved and adored her (and I still do) but the time came when I had to choose between her and God. It was not an easy decision and as I chose God, I felt like I was dying. In a very real way I did die that day for I relinquished what I had spent my whole life looking for. But that death made space in me for Jesus, for him to take control in a way I had never allowed before.

In my prayer room is a large acrylic painting with the cross in the centre. Flowing out from the centre of that cross is a large gush of primary colours. To me they represent the life Jesus is giving me out of his death. One of my little rituals is to pour myself a goblet of grape juice and as I drink it I visualize this life of Christ's flowing out of him as he died on the cross and flowing into me and I pray, "Lord, fill me with your life; fill me with your Spirit! Produce in me love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22, 23a)

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About the Author

DEBBIE HAUGHLAND CHAN
WINNIPEG, MANITOBA, CANADA

I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at debbiehaughland@gmail.com or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …