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Be

I am seemingly in a dry time of life. Before Christmas I resigned from my position as leader of women’s ministries and began to look for a new church; I’ve been struggling with depression for over a year and just last week my doctor advised me to stop working for the sake of my mental health. My physical health has kept me from my daily walks. What is God doing? Where is he taking me?

It may seem like God has put me on the shelf because I’m not doing any work or service right now, but maybe he’s working on my roots to grow them and while he does, I may not bear flowers. I must wait and be patient just as Jesus told his disciples, as he was leaving for heaven, to wait in Jerusalem. We can get so caught up in doing things for God that we begin to neglect God.

Chambers writes, “Once you are rooted and grounded in Christ the greatest thing you can do is to be. Don’t try and be useful; be yourself and God will use you to further his ends.”*

Be. Not do but be. If I am filled and saturated by Jesus, if I am habitually dominated by his life, then who I am is defined by his presence in me. We are the salt of the earth. When we throw a few grains of salt into our food, the salt does nothing. It simply continues to be salt and, by its presence, improves the taste of the food. When I focus on being God’s, I can simply be me and God will show me what I can do.

God, I want to continue to be yours, to be who you created me to be, to be filled with you. Keep me from trying to prove I am yours by all I do. Let me simply be yours—a willing tool in your hands, not mine.


* Page 28, “Facing Reality” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers.

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About the Author

DEBBIE HAUGHLAND CHAN
WINNIPEG, MANITOBA, CANADA

I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at debbiehaughland@gmail.com or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …