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Habitually Dominated

“For those who are habitually dominated by the sinful nature put their minds on the things of the sinful nature, but those who are habitually dominated by the Spirit put their minds on the things of the Spirit.” Romans 8:5 Wuest

There was a time when my fantasies dominated my mind. I didn’t want them but they were there, colouring everything in my life, intruding even when I read my Bible. They ruled my life and my decisions and I wondered why it was so difficult to spend much time in God’s Word or in prayer. My mind was habitually turning to my fantasy life because it gave the illusion that I was wanted, desirable and comforted. Try as I might to break free, I could not.

Then a series of events came to change things. This is what Searching for Love is about. Someone came into my life and said I needed to stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on God and his love. Someone else walked me through steps to freedom in Christ. Another led me to a form of prayer in which I experienced, for the first time in my life, the tangible love and affection of God for me. I was faced with a series of decisions and I began to more consistently choose God.

The real breakthrough came for me from a choice that didn’t seem all that significant. While we were together, Pearl gave me a Life Application Bible and I loved it. I was slowly reading through it, a little every night, and God was giving me some awesome insights as I did but I continued to be plagued by my desire for Pearl. Someone suggested that daily using the Bible she gave me was part of the problem but how could that be? It was the Word of God! But as I thought and prayed about it, I became convinced that this was true and with great pain but also with a sense of release, I gave it away to a stranger in need and bought another, different kind of study Bible to replace it.

An amazing thing happened. I had had Pearl’s Bible for a year and a half and had read half of it. But now, with my new Bible, I couldn’t get enough of it! I read it through, cover-to-cover in five months. I started from the beginning again and read it a second time in four months and a third time in three. Whoa!!! I took my three-inch-thick Bible everywhere I went—on my walks, into restaurants, coffee shops and even work and every chance I had, I read it. For a year and two-thirds, no other book had any appeal.

My speed has slowed some now. It’s currently taking me six months to read it through but I’ve also developed a greater interest in spending time with God in my prayer room—praying, meditating on small portions of Scripture and listening for God’s voice. My whole day and life have become focused around God, There’s been a shift.

Habitually dominated. How are you?


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …