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Why Do I Love Him?

“Satan replied to the Lord, ‘Yes, Job fears God, but not without good reason! You have always protected him…. You have made him prosperous.... But take away everything he has and he will surely curse you to your face!’” Job 1:9-11 NLT

On what is my love for God based? Is the only reason I love him because I live in a comfortable house in a nice neighbourhood? Because I have a husband who excels at his job and acts exceedingly responsible in the matters of finance and physical security? Because God has given us four delightful sons who have become young men who give us a great deal of pride and joy? Why do I love him?

Would I still love him if I lost my home, my financial security and my family and found myself living on the streets? Would I love him if I was in constant pain or put into an institution where all control over my life was taken away? Would I love him if everyone I know turned against me with anger and venom? Why do I love him?

Oswald Chambers rewords Satan’s accusation to God to say, “You are infatuated with the idea that man loves you for your own sake,”* implying that no one would. Is that true of me? Do I love God simply because of who he is or is my love dependent on the gifts he gives?

It’s an interesting question, especially in view of the book I’m currently reading: Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist by John Piper. Piper says things like: “In the end the heart longs not for any of God’s good gifts, but for God himself.” (p.87)

Chambers asks, “Will I trust the revelation given of God by Jesus Christ when everything in my personal experience flatly contradicts it?”* Job was pushed to the wall on this question and still he could say, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” (Job 13:15 NKJV) The martyrs now and through the ages said the same thing. Would I? Would you?

The Unseen Universe” in “Baffled to Fight Better” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers. p.46, 47


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan