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Abandoned but Committed

“As surely as God lives, who has denied me justice, the Almighty, who has made me taste bitterness of soul, lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit.” Job 27:2, 4
Job recognizes that all the bad that has come to him is God’s “fault.” God has denied him justice and given him great bitterness of soul but, even so, he will continue to honour God and not speak what is wrong.

Am I like that? Am I so committed to God that, when it seems like he has abandoned me or, worse, caused my pain, I can be like Job and persist in my honour, worship and praise of God? Could I do this if I learned that all my sons were killed? If my husband abandoned me? If all my financial security vanished? If I had no home, no friends, no support system?

On what is my commitment to God based? Is it based on what he gives me? The blessings I receive? I hope it is based on who God is: my Creator, my Lover, my Rock.

Father, I want to be totally committed to you despite what happens in and around me. I want to be extravagantly devoted to you, even in the face of your seeming abandonment of me. Please help me!


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan