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Lies, Fear, Roots and Laughter

The following was written on Monday, the 22nd, and should have posted then. For some reason it did not.

God, I sit here in your presence, not knowing quite what to say. I know there is deep pain inside of me that is easily triggered but I’m afraid to go there. This past weekend I learned about guardian lies—lies we believe that place barriers between us and the truth. I’m beginning to realize that my life is full of guardian lies.

I learned one of them at church yesterday when a friend was praying with me. I’ve avoided my prayer room since our family crisis overwhelmed me last week. Why? Because my prayer room is a place of honesty before you and I’ve been afraid that if I begin to look at what’s been happening with any sort of honesty and transparency, I will fall apart, unable to be strong for the rest of the family. But that is a lie. You reminded me of the angel you sent to me here in my prayer room two years ago and reminded me of his size and strength. You are with me and I don’t need to be afraid of being weak or falling apart. You are with me, and you are my strength.

During the Sunday morning prayer meeting, someone referred to the following:

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. ... He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:1, 3 NIV

You showed me, God, that when such a tree has deep roots, no storm can bring it down. I think of Hurricane Ike that damaged so many homes by fallen trees, or the huge storms we’ve had here that bring trees down. But you have been growing my roots deep in you so that this storm will not strike me down but rather, enable me to remain standing straight and tall.

I thought of something else too while I was praying with the crown of thorns. I’ve been asking you to enable me to have joy and gladness in every situation and you’ve been giving that to me. Saturday night, despite the heaviness from what I learned, I was able to laugh and joke with my online friends and then with my church friends Sunday morning. You are indeed answering my prayers! Thank you.


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …

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