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Under the Blood

The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9:13, 14 NIV

My (non-Christian) psychiatrist advised me during an “emergency” visit with her on Friday, to not neglect my prayer room. So here I am.

On the wall of my prayer room hangs a large painting. It would never win any awards and was never created with the idea of hanging on someone’s wall—or even of being permanent. It was part of a speaker’s illustration and I asked if I could have it (I’m not usually that bold but this really spoke to me). The key part of the painting is a large cross and from the centre of the cross pours the three primary colours, which have come to symbolize for me the blood (and thus the life) that Jesus shed on the cross and the life that he gives.

Often in prayer, I imagine myself beneath the cross as Jesus hangs on it, his blood pouring down from him onto me. As I picture that, I have a real goblet filled with grape juice to represent Christ’s blood and I drink it as I ask God to pour his life into me. Christ’s blood is our life.

Today as I was praying in this manner, it hit me—a truth I’ve always known but suddenly saw more clearly. Jesus gave his life for everyone but not everyone is willing to sit at the foot of the cross and be “messed up” by the blood that would flow on them. Jesus gives life but only those who come to the cross can receive it. We can’t even just sort of run under it or past it. We need to plant ourselves there so his blood, his life, continually flow over us and into us.

Jesus, thank you for the life you gave so that I could live. Thank you for the life you are giving me now. Without you, I am dead. Please keep me at the cross so that your life-giving blood will continue to pour from you to me, filling me with your life.


Di said…
(((((((Debbie)))))) I remember that picture. It (and your words describing the presentation) blessed me sooooo much. Thank you again for that.

I continue to pray for you, sweetie!

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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

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Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …