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En Rapport

The soul of the sanctified saint is en rapport with God, he has no responsibility, he is 'without carefulness' because his Father cares, God's predestinations are that soul's voluntary choosings. --Oswald Chambers*
God, I want to be en rapport with you, to be so intimately connected with you that I have no worries. so connected with you that without even thinking, I choose your ways. But my soul still rebels at times; it wants its own way--a way different from yours. Lord, I don't want to break my will but rather to meld my will to yours so they are one. Is that something that's even possible, God?
...For as gold is tried by fire
So a heart must be tried by pain.

...And bless the cleansing fire
And the furnace of living pain!
--Adelaide Anne Proctor (quoted by Oswald Chambers)*
Father, if fire and pain are the only way to be en rapport with you, I choose them. So be it.

*"Christian Disciplines, Volume 1" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers p. 284-287


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

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Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …