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Here is My Warrior!

She stands on the edge of her pain, a door open through which she can see the beginning.

Three huddle together in conference. “How will we manage to do that?” One asks.

“I have a plan. I have someone, yet to be conceived, who can do what we need.”

“But how? The job is too big, too difficult.”

“This one we will prepare from the moment of conception. We will fill her life with pain, sorrow and hardship. We will do this so she will become strong and unafraid. She will be hardened as diamonds and soft as pure gold.”

“What if we lose her to the pain?”

“We won’t. I have just the right parents for her and will bring them together.”

“Those two? The man is twice the woman’s age! She’s innocent and naive. He will disrespect, use and abuse her.”

“Yes, I know. That’s part of the plan.”

“They’re not married.”

“I know. They won’t want her. They will be alarmed at her growing presence inside the woman and will look for ways to get rid of her.”

“But if she’s the one we have chosen, and they are the right parents, what then?”

“The shaping of her character will begin in the darkness of this turmoil, knowing she’s unwanted but choosing to live. I am giving her traits and features that will bring pleasure and delight to her parents and they will choose to keep her.”



“I fear for this child.”

“Yes, she will have a hard life. She will be beaten, bruised and ignored.”

“And this is good?”

“It’s the only way.”

“Look! It’s beginning already! She’s so tiny. How can a man strike a newborn so harshly? Look! She is screaming and flailing her arms! Can’t we do something?”

“Yes. It is time for us to hold her. Bring the swaddling material. We will wrap her in our love, cradle her closely and comfort her with our presence. There now, little one. You are safe. I am protecting you. I will not let you go. Your pain hurts me too and I am angry at the sin that makes this necessary. This must be, but I am with you. It will never be more than you can bear. I hold you now and whenever the pain comes, I want you to choose my arms as your place of safety.”

As the father rages and the mother pleads, he pulls the flailing, screaming child close to his breast. As she calms in the security of the swaddling love, he lifts her high. Above the darkness of the bedroom she glows with the light of her Father and he declares, “This is my warrior. So be it.”

She who looks through the doorway understands. The pain has a purpose. He’s been with her all along. He’s been preparing a highway. It starts here, on the edge of her pain.

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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan