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Nothing or Something

Be “strong enough to decline to exercise your rights.”*
This is an intriguing statement, especially in light of things I’ve been contemplating lately. It occurred to me last week that I have been finding my worth in being “the best,” and yesterday I realized that I do this out of a fear of becoming nothing, invisible, worthless. I’ve been asking myself if I’m able to relinquish to God this need to be known and acknowledged, to be best; to give up my methods of self-protection, jump into my fears and trust God to do what’s best.

Can I do this? Do I trust God more than I trust myself? The “correct” answer that all good Christians want to give to such questions is, “Yes! Of course I trust God!” But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, do I?

In North America, we talk a lot about our rights. We have the right to be who we are, to be self-determining, to live safely. Jesus said “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39 NIV) Am I strong enough and willing enough to decline my rights and lose myself for Jesus’ sake? Am I willing to be nothing, invisible and worthless so that Jesus can become everything, visible to others and considered worthy of honour and lordship?

God, I’ve built huge protective walls so that I won’t be squashed out of existence by those around me but are these walls barriers to the good you want to give me as I lose my life for your sake? Am I losing my life because I’m determined to find it? I want to trust you in this, God, but can I? Am I strong enough to decline to exercise my rights? Am I willing to ask for your strength to do what seems so impossibly scary? I want to, Lord. Please enable me. Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me. So be it.

*Oswald Chambers in “Bringing Sons unto Glory” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers page 228.


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

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If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

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I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
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