Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Why Talk about my Marriage?

An explanation is needed for the following post. For years I lived my life thinking that I was right with God and all my problems were because of others, not me. Then I came face-to-face with my own depravity in the form of same-sex attraction. It’s been seven years since the day I realized that I needed to change—seven years of an exciting, turbulent ride that has humbled me, drawn me closer to God and brought healing and freedom to me on many levels.

As I’ve allowed God to uncover the diseased and dead parts of me, I’ve discovered there’s a whole lot more rotten in me than I knew. I’m beginning to see how I’ve been the source of my biggest problems. Several days ago I wrote about bitter-root judgement and expectancy: how we develop expectancies of things to happen because of past experiences and how others unconsciously conform to those expectations.

I’m starting to see how this is true in my life—how my negative expectancies have shaped those around me to behave in ways that are painful to me. The first several years of the spiritual journey I described above focussed on dealing with my same-sex attraction issues. Now the focus is my marriage. I’m ready to own my contributions to it to being less than it could or should be.

So why write about it here? At the beginning of this journey, I discovered that others were helped, encouraged and challenged by the things I wrote as I processed what God was doing in my life. I see no reason why this wouldn’t continue to happen, despite the different venue. I do want to make it clear that I am choosing to honour my husband. My intention is to focus on what needs to be changed in me, not him. My purpose is to share with you the process of God working in my life to encourage you and to bring him glory and honour. Four years ago, God gave me a distinct promise that he was going to renew our marriage and make it all it should be. I believe him and hope to share here how he does that.

No comments: