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Why Talk about my Marriage?

An explanation is needed for the following post. For years I lived my life thinking that I was right with God and all my problems were because of others, not me. Then I came face-to-face with my own depravity in the form of same-sex attraction. It’s been seven years since the day I realized that I needed to change—seven years of an exciting, turbulent ride that has humbled me, drawn me closer to God and brought healing and freedom to me on many levels.

As I’ve allowed God to uncover the diseased and dead parts of me, I’ve discovered there’s a whole lot more rotten in me than I knew. I’m beginning to see how I’ve been the source of my biggest problems. Several days ago I wrote about bitter-root judgement and expectancy: how we develop expectancies of things to happen because of past experiences and how others unconsciously conform to those expectations.

I’m starting to see how this is true in my life—how my negative expectancies have shaped those around me to behave in ways that are painful to me. The first several years of the spiritual journey I described above focussed on dealing with my same-sex attraction issues. Now the focus is my marriage. I’m ready to own my contributions to it to being less than it could or should be.

So why write about it here? At the beginning of this journey, I discovered that others were helped, encouraged and challenged by the things I wrote as I processed what God was doing in my life. I see no reason why this wouldn’t continue to happen, despite the different venue. I do want to make it clear that I am choosing to honour my husband. My intention is to focus on what needs to be changed in me, not him. My purpose is to share with you the process of God working in my life to encourage you and to bring him glory and honour. Four years ago, God gave me a distinct promise that he was going to renew our marriage and make it all it should be. I believe him and hope to share here how he does that.

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About the Author

DEBBIE HAUGHLAND CHAN
WINNIPEG, MANITOBA, CANADA

I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at debbiehaughland@gmail.com or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …