Skip to main content

The Oaken Door

She stands, pounding on the thick, rounded, oaken door with both fists. She pounds some more and then more again. It does not open. No one cares. She’s all alone.

Three look down. “Why don’t we open it for her? We say, ‘Ask! Seek! Knock!’ but she’s been doing this for years and the door stays closed.”

“It’s not yet time.”

“Not yet time? She’s lived more than half her life. When?”


The little girl sits on the unfinished wooden stairs, away from the adults, holding a book she treasures but cannot read. She imagines the stories of the pictures, fills them with herself and wonders.

“She is so peaceful in her hiding place. But look! Someone is angry. He is grabbing the book from her and sending her outside. That’s not right! She’s not bothering anyone. Why take it?”

Unseen, but deeply felt, a giant eagle swoops to the little girl, grabs her chest with its talons and takes her organs as it flees. The Three can hear her thoughts: “I’m not allowed to want things. Anything that’s precious is taken away. I try to be perfect but it does no good. I’m not wanted. I don’t matter. Why won’t someone love me?”

“She’s pasting a sweet smile on her face for the adults but she’s torn apart, longing for a smile inside too.”

“She’s a brave little one, to be sure.”

The Three watch the year before. The little girl is excited. A baby has come to the family, a brother for her to shower with love and smother with kisses. As she does so, rough hands take him away.

“She never sees her brother again, does she?”

“No. He’s sent to another family far away.”

“But, but....”

“I know. The pain is unbearable for her; for her mother too. She’s afraid she will be next if she’s not good enough.”

They listen to her thoughts as they echo through time and space: “I have to perform. I can’t just be. When I’m not perfect, nobody likes me or wants me.”

She who pounds on the door watches as the little girl is sucked into a black hole. She sees the presence of the Three. They should be enough, she knows, but the little girl and the woman together scream in deafened silence, “It’s not enough! I want real people to love and care and hold and want me!”

“I can’t stand this! Can’t we do something?”

“Yes. Watch!”

Quietly and unseen, the One above all stands behind she who’s at the door, wraps his arms around her and holds her close. He holds her closer still, until his body envelopes hers, arm for arm and leg for leg. This time, unseeing, she knows. Though the door stays closed and the pain persists, as she is enveloped, the burden lightens; when she moves away, the burden grows. She can wait for the door to open. To wait brings glory to the One who holds her as a glove.


Popular posts from this blog

Monogamous, Homosexual Unions--My Position and the Story behind it

I've been asked to be one of two participants at church each representing opposing views on the matter of monogamous, homosexual unions, moderated by the pastor.  In preparation, I have written the following.  In the comments, please do not post any vitriol--from either side. If I think any comment is hateful, I will delete it. Respectful disagreement or questions are welcome, however.

My Position and Values:
I believe that sexual relations between two people of the same sex is contrary to God’s will.I would like to say otherwise but I find nothing in Scripture that allows me to do so.BEING homosexual, having a longing or desire for someone of the same sex, is not condemned in the Bible.  We all have desires that are contrary to God’s will.  The sin occurs when we feed those desires, like Jesus talks about when he calls lust adultery (Matthew 5:28).Much cruelty to LGBTQ people has happened because of the stance of the Church. We have not acted with love, compassion and listening ear…

In My Prayer Room

Oh God
You surround me with your love,
with memories
of who you are
of what you've done
of promises you've made
of who I want to be
of who I am because of you.

You give me hope and joy,
peace and gratitude.
You convict me
and teach me
encourage me
and remind me
of what it means to follow you.

You listen to my prayers
and grant my requests
in your time.
You give me insight
and knowledge
and words to write
to share your presence
your goodness
your love
your admonition
with others.

You expand my love
to pray for friend and foe
near and far
family and stranger
people as pins on maps
clustered and scattered
who know you and reject you
for those in need
and those too full to need.

You draw me close
and then release me
to bring you close to others
to serve
and love
and give
all I have received.

You fill my heart with joy
that warms
and glows
and bursts
into laughter,
and even dance.

You wrap me in your arms
and tell me
"You are mine"
with intensity that burns
and smoul…

Eulogy for Mikael

It's 3:13 a.m. as I write this, just hours before Mikael's funeral. I've slept 2 1/2 hours already but when I woke I couldn't get back to sleep. I am so full of joy I have no room for grief. I lay in bed two hours ago, feeling this joy well up into near excitement, undergirded with a peace and contentment that to most people would make no sense. I'm not sure it makes sense to me but I know it's real. God has been so good. He has poured out his blessings on us this week and I feel like we are the most blessed family in the world right now.
I can't imagine life without Mikael. I'm still in shock, running on adrenaline and the drive to give Mikael the best farewell ever and not wanting to miss a moment of the flood of family and friends who have been pouring into our home with cards, flowers, meals, goodies, more meals and goodies, love, prayers and memories. I've been sitting in an armchair where I have a straight line of sight to the front entrance, a…