Soul Tracker by Bill Myers

The first of a trilogy, Soul Tracker examines life after death. Can we visit death through virtual reality? Could we come back to tell about it if we did? What would we find? Where would we go? Is it possible to speak to the dead? David Kauffman’s daughter has died and he wants to know, needs to know where she has gone. His search uncovers some frightening information that sends him hiding to save his life.

What particularly endeared this story to me was the Nepalese/street kids connection. My church has been planting a number of churches in Nepal and maintains close connections with those churches and their people. One church in Kathmandu (maybe more) has specifically reached out to street kids, providing them with love, a home and a solid Christian foundation.

Back here in Winnipeg, in addition to the Nepali connection, my church is situated in the middle of one of the saddest parts of the city—where prostitutes, gangs, drug addicts, sniffers, drunks and violence are common. I’m new to the church so I’m still learning but the friendship and love the church pours out to the community is staggering. These are the ones Jesus came to save. These are the ones he spent his time with. These are the ones who grabbed hold of what he had to offer, and believed.

In Soul Tracker, can Gita, saved from forced prostitution as a child in Nepal by Christians whose gospel she accepted, find love for the street kids of Los Angeles or is her past so repulsive to her that she cannot muster compassion for those who live what she once did? Can she find love for anyone or is truth her only reality? Can Dave let go of his daughter who has died and begin to live in the present with his remaining child? What is truth? Does truth matter?

While not the most literary of novels (Byzantium by Stephen Lawhead probably comes the closest of the novels I’ve read so far this summer), Soul Tracker asks some important questions and is an entertaining read. I’ve already started book two.

Summer Reading

In preparing for surgery mid-June and not knowing how incapacitated I’d be afterwards or for how long, I gathered a pile of novels, mostly Christian, to read when my mind couldn’t handle more thought-provoking non-fiction. My intention was to write a short review after reading each one but I succeeded with the first two only. I was enjoying them so much I would pick up another as soon as one was finished. When I finally sat down to write, too much time had passed for me to remember the details of what had grabbed me in each book.

I’m still hoping to write about them but I also know my procrastination and memory so for now I’m simply going to list them for now with perhaps a few comments:

By Ted Dekker:
Black
Red
White
Thr3e
Obsessed
Showdown
Blink

Dekker writes in a number of styles—Fantasy, Science Fiction, Thrillers. Showdown, for instance is very reminiscent of Stephen King; Blink is a high-speed thriller that gives interesting insights into the Middle East with some sci-fi thrown in and Black, Red and White move between our world and another, each world affecting the other. Dekker’s books are not overtly Christian in the sense that you’d hardly know they were until near the end when you’re left with some heavy thoughts to ponder: “What is faith?” “What if Jesus presented himself to us and we thought he was the enemy instead of our Saviour?” “How powerful are words?” “Where is the line between good and evil?” A friend asked me which books to start with if she wants to read Dekker. Some of his books can stand alone, such as Obsessed and Blink but many are connected in one way or another to the Circle Trilogy: Black, Red, White, so I'd start with them.

By Bill Myers:
The Voice

What if scientists could record the voice of God spoken in the heavens? What would it look like? What would happen if that recording was played for others to hear?

By Davis Bunn:
My Soul to Keep

Bunn has for years been one of my favourite Christian novelists but at the moment I can't remember this book at all.

By Stephen Lawhead:
Byzantium

The improbable story of high adventure and endless action set in the 8th century, touching Ireland, Denmark, Russia, Constantinople and beyond. Vikings sail to Constantinople, looking for treasure beyond measure but can they find it? Can they utilize the “grab and dash” method so successful along the European coast? Can the young scholarly Irish monk captured by them keep himself useful enough to stay alive? How do these men from the wild north respond to civilization and Christianity as they pursue their goal of plundering a city covered in gold?

By Robert Ludlum:
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Supremacy
The Bourne Ultimatum

My husband and sons convinced me one evening to watch a movie with them—The Bourne Identity. I loved it! (Okay, so I like stories of espionage and covert operations.) Imagine my surprise when I discovered I had the book, unread, on a shelf in my bedroom! The book is nearly a different story from the movie and much better. I ordered the next two from the library. The second book is set in Hong Kong—a place where I spent a couple of summers, so I recognized many of the places and the culture. I found Ludlum’s books clean of gratuitous sex and foul language, focusing on a theme of justice and rightness. Another author has continued the series and I hope to read his stories as well. Can he do as well as Ludlum? I doubt it but they could be fun to read anyway.

By Joel C. Rosenberg:
The Last Jihad
The Last Days
The Ezekiel Option
The Copper Scroll
Dead Heat

I heard about this series from an online friend who works in a New Jersey Christian bookstore. Like the Left Behind series, these focus on end time events. Unlike LeHaye’s best-sellers, Rosenberg’s stories have a striking believability about them. Perhaps it’s because the author “has worked for some of the world’s most influential and provocative leaders, including Steve Forbes, former Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and former Israeli deputy prime minister Natan Sharansky,” and has spent much time in the company of other high-rolling politicians and their advisors. What is most amazing is that the very events he described in his first book (terrorists flying a jet into an American city on a suicide mission) took place after the book was written. This happened with the second and third books as well. Some have called him a modern-day Nostradamus but he protests that he simply looks at current events through the lens of Scripture, which makes plain what is to happen “in the last days.” For the first time in over thirty years, I’m interested in studying end-time events and what the connection is between them and what has been and is happening in the Middle East.

I have more books to read and hope to share them with you as I finish them.

(To learn more of these books, you can find a link for each to Amazon.com in the sidebar under "Books--Fiction.")

Captain of my Soul?

“The Spirit of God is everywhere, would that men would yield to Him! The reason we do not yield is that in the deep recesses of our hearts we prefer the captaincy of our own lives, we prefer to go our own way and refuse to let God govern.” – Oswald Chambers*

It’s much easier and safer to go my own way. At least that’s the way it seems. Yielding to the Holy Spirit and letting God govern carries a lot of risk and there are times that I want the comfort and familiarity of what I know—even when my head and God’s Spirit tell me that the risk of obeying God is far safer than the safety of what I’ve always done.

Why do I so stubbornly resist when I know from experience how much better are God’s ways than mine? I’m so easily deceived—willingly deceived because, though I know that God is infinitely trustworthy, I am afraid to trust him. I have built walls to protect myself from hurt. Is it truly safe to let God dismantle them? Can I lower them, stone by stone as God’s Spirit prompts me despite my fears?

God, I want the life you promise to those who follow you instead of their own inclinations but when it comes down to the crunch, I often choose my ways instead of yours. Forgive me, God! Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Don’t throw me away from your presence, please. Keep me steadfastly listening to and obeying you. Only you can enable me to want you and your ways. Please give me a willing spirit in all ways at all times.º


* "With Christ in the School of Philosophy” in “Biblical Ethics” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers page 124.
º Prayer based in part on Psalm 51.

Freedom from Depression

Seven years ago I bought and started to read and answer the questions of The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth. I started and restarted it several times since then and today I finally finished. The last chapter, "Keys to Lasting Change," asks several questions. I'd like to share them and my answers.


What is my purpose as I encounter people each day?
I want to display God’s love for them—for them to know that they matter to God.

What does it mean to be yielded to God?
It means listening to God at all times and obeying what he tells me. I often forget to listen as I get wrapped up in what I’m doing.

Where does a personal commitment to Jesus Christ fit into emotional management?
My commitment to Jesus means that I take my emotions and feelings to him and discuss them with him to hear how He wants me to handle them.

How does knowing that God has a plan for my heavenly destination affect my daily decisions?
I know he’s in control. I know that his hand is on me and that if I pay attention to him and listen, he will lead me into and through those plans of his.

Why would I want to commit to love or forgiveness or humility?
Each of these keeps relationships well lubricated. Without them, I alienate myself from others and also from God. These are the characteristics that Jesus had. I need to adopt them because I want to follow him.

How can my understanding of God’s grace impact you as you face harsh realities of emotional pain or rejection?
I know God is with me. I need to remember the picture God gave me of Jesus crouching down at the top of the staircase of that long room and of him carrying me on his arm, high above the other kids. He does not reject me. I can see so many instances of that. As for the emotional pain, it brings me closer to God if I allow it to--when, in that place of pain, I can put myself in God’s arms because no one can hug and love as he does.

I need to explain my answer a bit here. A number of years ago I was part of a small group of people being ministered to and prayed for. The issue I needed healing in was rejection--something I've struggled with a great deal most of my life. I was asked, "When was the first time you felt rejected?" My first answer was in grade two, when we first moved to the city and my classmates shunned me, didn't include me in their activities and were downright cruel. But then I remembered a dream I had had as a preschooler. In that dream I was in a long, narrow basement room with other people who I recognized as not belonging to God and doing evil things (I don't think I knew what evil things they were doing). Jesus chose that moment for his second coming. He came to the top of the staircase but then left without me. For years that troubled me--rejection by God!

During the prayer time the leader asked me to go back to that place in my mind and asked what would have happened if I had gone up the stairs to Jesus (I can't remember her exact question but it was something like that). As I revisited the dream and, as a child, went to the top of the stairs, Jesus bent down to my level and we talked. As I was picturing this, I was watching from a distance, unable to hear the conversation but knowing that was me with Jesus. And then I was right there and he was wrapping his arms around me. He picked me up and sat me on his crooked arm as he continued walking around before returning to his cloud full of angels. One of the places he walked was the schoolground of when I was in grade two. Now, instead of crying in a corner of the building, I was being held by Jesus, high above the other children. I wasn't rejected! I was deeply loved. It was a turning point for me and even though I still struggle with feelings of rejection, when I remember this picture and what Jesus did for me in it, the rejection isn't as painful. I know I'm loved and wanted.

In what way am I meant to be a conduit to show godliness to others?
When I allow God’s Spirit to fill me, his Spirit in me will overflow to those around me. People need to be able to see Jesus in me—not because of some act on my part, or forced behaviour that is unnatural but because he truly is in me. This means that I have to stay connected with God. I need to be constantly “practicing the presence” of God so that I’m truly allowing him to work in me rather than me simply doing my own thing.

God, please help me to do this.

Intercessory Introspection

What an unexpected title Oswald Chambers gives to an examination of Psalm 139! What does he mean?

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. (v.1)

“Every man is too big for himself, thank God for everyone who realises it and, like the Psalmist, hands himself over to be searched out by God....”*

“...when by the reception of the Holy Spirit I begin to realise that God knows all the
deepest possibilities there are in me, knows all the eccentricities of my being, I find that the mystery of myself is solved by this besetting God....”

“The Psalmist implies...‘I cannot search to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot trace, dreams I cannot get at; my God, search me out and explore me, and let me know that Thou hast....’”

“When we say—‘even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me.’ There is no foreboding anxiety, because ‘His love in times past’ enables us to rest confidentially in Him....”

“[The Holy Spirit] brings me into oneness with God entirely when once I am willing to waive my right to myself and let Him have His way. No man gets there without a crisis, a crisis of a terrific nature in which he goes to the death of something....”

I am reminded of my crisis of fear and anxiety last week as the church camp-out drew near. Not always, but sometimes, I behave in ways out of my fear of what people will think. I want my deeds and thoughts to be acceptable or even laudable. I present myself to be what I expect is wanted. But if I'm behaving in certain ways out of fear, then I'm not really being honest about myself, am I? I'm giving a false picture. It's a form of dishonesty.

So, for example, I was so afraid of the camp-out and making a good impression that I went way overboard in what I took to contribute. I wound up taking most of it home. Yes, I am genuinely generous in many circumstances. I love to give. But how much of my generosity is genuine and how much is out of fear? Taking too much food to the camp was done out of fear. Sharing what I had once I was there was a genuine desire. I think I was afraid of being wrong and “had to” be sure to do the right thing. A friend told me that that’s control. It is. It's trying to control what others think of me—a manipulative "purchase" of love. What is reasonable and what isn't? I often don't know. I'm obviously trying to compensate for something in the past but what? I still have to work a lot of this out—a difficult and probably a lengthy process.

And this is where Oswald Chambers’ statements connect with me. Finding the answers to why I behave in destructive and unreasonable ways can come only as I submit these ways to God and ask him to show me what he already knows. It’s accepting the crises he brings to my life and putting to death those things he wants purged from me. It is knowing God is present in all parts of my life—I can’t escape him—and that I can trust him in all things.

God, thank you that you know all about me. Thank you for your intimate knowledge of all my ways and all my thoughts. I want the oneness with you that Jesus says is possible. I want you to have your way with me in all things. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23, 24 NIV)





*All non-biblical quotes are from “Personality—III: Psalm 139, Intercessory Introspection” in “Biblical Ethics” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 118, 119.

I'm Glad I Went

Last Friday, I shared my fears of going to the church camp-out because of all the unknowns. I wrote that my fears had gone, but then things got worse. I don’t have the energy I should have and by the time all was ready to be put in the car, I had a meltdown. I was so physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, all I could do was sit on the couch and cry. I wanted to go. I wanted to get to know people at church but was going a reasonable thing to do? There was still much to do: pack the car, drive to the camp-out location, unpack the car, set up the tent and arrange things inside it ready for sleep and the weekend. How could I do it all? I didn’t think I could. I was sure I couldn’t and so I sat, stymied in despair.

Thank God for awesome sons! Mons and Erik came and sat on each side of me. Erik held my hand while Mons cradled my head, stroked my hair and spoke words of understanding, comfort and encouragement. They helped Tom load the car and we left with me hoping I’d have my emotions under control by the time we arrived at the camp. I did.

God blessed me again. There was still the problem of unloading the car and setting up camp and, when we arrived it became evident that it would be more difficult than I anticipated. We couldn’t drive the car to the tent site. Everything had to be carted a far distance. No way could I help do that! But one of the pastor’s wives I had never met before came to the rescue without even knowing the problem. She marshalled some kids to help carry our things and she herself helped me put up the tent—something I hadn’t done for a few years and so had forgotten how, especially in the state I was in.

Isn’t God good? The entire weekend was a blessing. The meals I had worried about worked well. People brought complete meals for themselves but brought extra so as we sat around the various tables, people would call out inviting others to have some of this or that. Truly, I took far too much food and brought most of it back home but the Red River Cereal was a hit (totally unexpectedly).

I learned the stories of two or three people, got to interact and get to know quite a few other people, and made notes of people’s names and descriptions so that hopefully, in the different context of church itself, I will remember who they are. We sang around a campfire, gathered in the picnic shelter for meals and when the heavens opened with a ferocious deluge; we played games, visited and enjoyed interaction with and observation of the many little children.

Each night we were visited by a pack of foxes. I wasn’t one of the lucky ones to see them but I was told they were not afraid of people and at least once, one stood quietly behind someone’s chair at the fire for a good ten minutes. One of our numbers, a man who lives on the streets of Winnipeg, stayed up the second night, patrolling our camp to keep us safe. What a gift! What a blessing!

Sunday’s sermon was good and took an angle on a Leviticus passage I'd not seen before. (The angle was new to me, not the passage.) The Israelites were given three special holidays by God. One of these was the Feast of Tabernacles. Wikipedia says, "The English word "tabernacle" is derived from the Latin word tabernaculum meaning ‘tent.’ Tabernaculum itself is a diminutive form of the word taberna, meaning ‘hut, booth, tavern.’" I looked that up because I hadn't heard it before but that's what the pastor told us. Tabernacle means tent.

Why was the Feast of Tabernacles to be celebrated (check out Lev. 23 near the end)? It was to remember the 40 years they lived in tents in the wilderness. But why was it important to remember that time? Well, what did we discover this weekend as we lived in tents? Tents aren't as secure as houses and it's easier to live in community with tents (they're smaller and closer together). So the pastor suggested that God had the Israelites live for a week like their ancestors had so they could get a picture of what it was like to live less securely, with less stuff, sharing what they had and depending on God. I had never thought about it all in that way and what a great object lesson to have us all camp out together to illustrate his sermon! This is the second year they've had a camp-out in tents and I think the plan is to make it an annual event. I'll certainly go again.

God, thank you for all the blessings of this past weekend. Thank you for enabling me to go despite my fears and meltdown. Thank you for this church community I’ve become a part of—a group of people who are welcoming, giving, loving and fun. Thank you for being who you are, a God of wonder, strength, majesty and personal attention. You are everything I need, God. Thank you.

Does the Conflict ever End?

My reading of Oswald Chambers today has led me to Romans 7 and 8. Chambers looks at three other passages but his teaching on Romans 7 is where I’ve become bogged down.

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ... So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. Romans 7:14, 15, 21-23 NIV

For me, the confusion of this passage is this: At what place in a believer’s life is this true? I’ve always understood it to describe the ongoing life of a committed believer. Who else delights in God’s law? But it seems that not everyone sees it that way and so I wonder what Paul was trying to say. One group I studied with believes this conflict occurs only in the unregenerate, and Chambers writes, “The 7th of Romans represents the profound conflict which goes on in the consciousness of a man without the Spirit of God, facing the demands of God.”*

But again I ask, Who can delight in God’s law without the Holy Spirit? Who even cares about God’s law without God’s Spirit moving in them? Chambers himself writes, “A worldly man...is not conscious of any conflict between the Spirit and his flesh.... No man knows he has that enemy on the inside until he receives the Holy Spirit.”

Chambers seems to see four distinct stages in the spiritual life:

Before the Spirit comes, following Jesus seems foolish.

“The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him....” 1 Corinthians 2:14 NIV

Chambers writes:

“The natural man is not in distress, not conscious of any disharmony in himself; he is not ‘in trouble as other men,’ and is quite content with being once-born. ...[he is] having a good time.... There is nothing attractive about the Gospel to the natural man. ... Conviction of sin is produced by the incoming of the Holy Spirit because conscience is promptly made to look at God’s demands. ... The coming of Jesus Christ to the natural man means the destruction of all peace that is not based on a personal relationship to Himself.”

Yes! This is why it is of no use to tell a non-believer that they need to stop sinning. I’m thinking, in particular, of the Christians who attack homosexuals for their lifestyle. Why would a homosexual give up a lifestyle she is quite content with? That answers the cry of her heart? That meets her needs in a way nothing else ever has? She won’t! But introduce to her a loving God who wants to be in relationship with her and she may become open to what the Holy Spirit wants to do in her.

We become divided between the Spirit and the natural.

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7: 14, 15 NIV

Is this indeed “... the profound conflict which goes on in the consciousness of a man without the Spirit of God, facing the demands of God”? If the Spirit of God comes to me when I invite Jesus into my life, and I do not care about the demands of God until that point, where is the absence of the Spirit in this conflict? In fact, Chambers says that “conviction of sin such as the apostle Paul is describing does not come when a man is born again, nor even when he is sanctified, but long after, and then only to a few.” So when does this conflict take place, before the Holy Spirit comes into my life or long afterward?

One thing he says I have experienced and know to be true: “...only as sin goes do you realise what it is; when it is present you do not realise what it is because the nature of sin is that it destroys the capacity to know you sin.” I wrote about this in yesterday’s post, “Emotion.” I did not realize the sin I was in with Pearl until I left her. It was only afterwards that I realized the enormity of what I had done and wept for the distance I had put between me and God.

The conflict ends because the “flesh” or natural man dies.
Chambers uses two passages to illustrate this:

“For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” Galatians 5:17 NIV

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:24 NIV

The first verse supports the belief that we continue to have conflict between right and wrong and yet Chambers says, “To take this as the experience of full salvation is to prove God not justified in the Atonement.” How so? He answers, “If I do not put to death the things in me which are not of God, they will put to death the things that are of God.” Agreed. The Bible is clear that a death in us must take place, as the second verse above declares. But what does this death mean? What does it imply? Does it mean that conflict between the Spirit and the natural ends?

And yet Jesus experienced the same conflict that we do: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15 NIV) What is temptation if it is not a conflict between right and wrong, godly and ungodly?

We are “presenced with Divinity.”

“Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” 2 Peter 1:4 NIV

Does participating in the divine nature mean that the conflict is gone? It cannot if we believe that Jesus was both divine and human. In the verse above, Peter is not saying that we won’t have evil desires (which conflict with God’s desires). He is saying instead that, despite those desires, we will escape the corruption they cause.

Chambers argues that “Jesus Christ’s one aim is to bring us back into oneness with God.” True. Does that oneness with him mean our inner nature is no longer fighting God? Perhaps, but again I point out the temptation that Jesus encountered—in every way that I do—yet he asserted that he and the Father were/are one.

“Am I willing that the old disposition should be crucified with Christ?” Chambers asks. “If I am, Jesus Christ will take possession of me and will baptise me into His life until I bear a strong family likeness to Him.” This is what I want. In the end, does quibbling over the meaning of certain verses change the outcome of what all true believers desire? I don’t think so. We all agree and desire that Jesus and his Spirit take possession of us and fill us so that, in the end, Jesus can be seen in each of us.

Lord, my “fleshly” desires continue to war against what I long for in you, and there are times when I give in to those desires—such as when I go to food or a particular environment for my comfort instead of to you. But I don’t want those desires to win, Lord. I want to be yours and yours alone. Continue to live in me, to possess me, to change me into someone who reflects you. Unblock my ears and keep them open so I can hear your whispers of what I should do and believe, and keep free my will to obey so that I do and believe that which you whisper to me. Thank you, Jesus!



*All quotes from Chambers in this post come from “Personality—1” in “Biblical Ethics” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers pages 115, 116

Emotion

My July 17 post entitled "Enthusiasm" was born from my reading of Oswald Chambers’ “The Ethics of Enthusiasm” in “Biblical Ethics.” In that chapter, he talks more about emotion in general, rather than specifically about enthusiasm and I found what he said ringing clear to what I know inside me. Let me quote some of his salient statements and make some comments on one quote in particular. All quotes are taken from The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers pages 112-114.

...The tendency is in us all to say, “You must not trust in feelings”; perfectly true, but if your religion is without feeling, there is nothing in it. If you are living a life right with God, you will have feeling, most emphatically so, but you will never run the risk of basing your faith on feelings. ...the emotions become the beautiful ornament of the life, not the source of it....

Human nature, if it is healthy, demands excitement, and if it does not obtain its thrilling excitement in the right way, it will take it in the wrong. ...a healthy, full-orbed life is continually seeking excitement....

...a Christian life that is without the continual recurrence of Divine emotion is suffering from spiritual sleeping sickness....

...without the control of the Spirit of God, devotional emotion and religious excitement always end in sensuality. Emotions that stir feelings must act themselves out, whether rightly or wrongly will depend on the person. If you feel remarkably generous, then be generous at once, act it out; if you don’t, it will react and make you mean [ordinary, common , low or ignoble, rather than cruel or spiteful]. If you have a time of real devotion before God and see what God wants you to do and you do not work it out in your practical life, it will react in secret immorality....

If we have no emotional life, then we have disobeyed God. “Be filled with the Spirit”; it is as impossible to be filled with the Spirit and be free from emotion as it is for a man to be filled with wine and not show it. ... Jesus Christ demands the whole nature, and He demands that part of our nature the devil uses most, viz., the emotional part. We have to get the right bed-rock for our nature, the life of Jesus Christ, and then glean the things which awaken our emotions, and see that those emotions are expressed in ways like the character of our Lord....

For me, these statements validate the role of emotion in my relationship with God.

What struck me most was the second last quote, which reads, in part: "...without the control of the Spirit of God, devotional emotion and religious excitement always end in sensuality." I've often wondered about the chain of events that led me to romance and, in the end, acting out sexually with the woman I call Pearl. The summer we reconnected as friends was a time filled with spiritual growth and the presence of the Holy Spirit and yet it wasn't long before sensuality took over.

Why? If Chambers is correct, it's because I stopped allowing God's Spirit to control me; I heard God speak to me and chose to ignore him, resulting in "secret immorality." The thing is, I didn't realize what was happening. I continued to believe that God was most important to me when, in retrospect, I can see that he clearly was not. My hungers and desires took over and began to rule me. I was blind but thought I could see clearly.

I know God has forgiven me but when I think back on that time, I weep with regret that I was so self-deluded: that I moved so far from God, thinking he was right beside me. I even started writing my book about God's work in my life during this time--thankful for and amazed at all he had done for me while, at the same time, pushing him away in the excitement of passion for someone else.

It is so easy to be foolish, to imperceptibly change direction by a small, seemingly innocuous decision. It is a reminder to me today that I must actively pursue God--spending time speaking and listening to him, confessing when I've done wrong and allowing his Holy Spirit to have complete control of me.

Lord, you were so right when you spoke about the feebleness of man. I'm far more feeble and vulnerable to walking away from you than I like to admit. Thank you for your forgiveness, for your love, grace and mercy, for the voice of your Spirit within me. Lord, keep me filled with your Spirit so that all my emotions are "expressed in ways like [your] character...."

What Will People Think?

My church is having a camp-out this weekend. I’ve been looking forward to it as a chance to get to know people better than I can on Sunday mornings or even at prayer meetings but, as the weekend has approached, fears have arisen from the unknown: What time are people arriving? I don’t want get there before others but I don’t want to be late either. How will I know where to pitch the tent? How many people will be there? How are the meals being handled? The announcement says we’ll be pooling our food but what does that mean? Does it mean that I prepare meals for my husband and me and then we join the others to eat it? Does it mean I prepare meals for my husband and me and then put the two-person portions on a common table for all to try? Does it mean I prepare only one large dish to contribute to the common table? If I don’t get it right, I’ll be embarrassed. I’ll look like a fool and that scares me because then, what will people think?

That’s the basic problem, isn’t it? I’m worried about what people will think of me if I make a mistake or move out of sync with those more familiar with each other and the routine. Is that pride? Is shyness or fear of others’ opinions the result of wanting to look “perfect” or “all together”? Why do people’s opinions of me matter so much? What catastrophe would occur if I allowed others to see my social ineptness or my ignorance? Why must I always look confident and sure of what I’m doing when often I’m not? My brain tells me these things shouldn’t matter to me. I’m a normal human being and all humans make mistakes, move out of sync with others and have times of ineptness.

Yet my emotions don’t listen. Two days ago, I was in such a place of fear that I told Tom I’d changed my mind. We wouldn’t go. My excuse? Tenting requires a lot of work. Equipment needs to be gathered, things need to be gathered and packed, it all must be taken out to the car and packed in there, then removed from the car to set up camp. At the end of the weekend it must all be done in reverse. I’m still in post-operative recovery and I don’t have as much energy as I did before the surgery (which wasn’t enough even then).

That night I was in such dis-ease about the whole thing that despite my sleeping pills I could not sleep. My emotions were stirring my mind and not letting me rest. Then I remembered two things: What my doctor and I had discussed earlier that day about my social phobia and God. Where was he in my distress? What does he want me to do? What would be the consequences of not going? What would be the benefits of going? I want to become more connected with my new church and the people in it so I should go. Perhaps I could call the church or a friend and find the answers to my questions.

And so I decided to swallow my fears and go. Interestingly, when I made that decision, the fear left. The next morning I sent an e-mail to the church asking my questions and I corralled Tom so I could admit my fears to him and ask for his encouragement and support—which he willingly agreed to give.

I decided that preparing one large “dish” to share for each meal was the easiest and, realizing that both time and energy were short, chose very simple things to contribute: a salad, raw veggies, canned chilli heated up, pasta with sauce and cheese and a larger portion of my currently favourite breakfast, Red River Cereal (a kind of porridge with cracked wheat, rye and flax) with raisins and milk plus eggs. Shopping for what we needed didn’t take long and the biggest stressor is taken away.

So now I’ve been up for more than two hours this morning, spent a good chunk of time with God and with you all (writing the post for the coming Sunday in addition to this one) and am ready to begin the gathering and packing of all that is needed—once I’ve fixed and eaten breakfast. God is good.

Thank you, God, for your presence in my life. Thank you for the courage you give me to rise above my fears and to do what I know I want to do despite the tricks my emotions like to play on me. I ask that you bless the camp-out and my time there. Please come with me and guide me on what to do and say. May the weekend truly be a time of developing close relationships with people from church and a time for all of us to grow not only in relationship with each other but also with you. Let my fears not control me this weekend, Lord, but you. Thank you so much for who you are and your care and concern for each one of us. You are awesome!

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm means, to use the phrase of a German mystic, “intoxicated with God”.... Oswald Chambers*

Chambers has a chapter in “Biblical Ethics” called “The Ethics of Enthusiasm” based on Ephesians 5. Much of the chapter is more about emotions in general than enthusiasm specifically but his statement quoted above made me curious. What is the origin of the word “enthusiasm”? What I found is extremely interesting, especially in light of the spiritual road I’ve been on. For decades my spiritual life was punctuated by the rational--doctrine and knowledge more than anything else.

Then a dear friend was knocked down by the power of God when visiting the church known for “The Toronto Blessing.” She had gone, sceptical about what was happening there. She returned a changed person and because of the remarkable change in her, my life too began to change. I went to Vineyard conferences held in the city, attended Prairie Fire gatherings and saw things said to be from the Holy Spirit that I had never seen before: people shaking, falling, laughing uncontrollably, making strange noises, sobbing with great pathos, speaking out in prophecy and more. Yes, I was sceptical. I think some of that scepticism is still there—none of these things have yet happened to me—but my friend’s changed life told me that it wasn’t all a contrivance or a work of the devil. God’s presence and impact was real.

I have since learned that there have been many moves by the Spirit in the past with similar things happening: the Quakers, the Shakers, Jonathan Edwards’ audiences, the revival in Wales and even the beginning of the prophetic life of a woman held in high esteem by the church I grew up in—Ellen White. I learned even more this morning. Enthusiasm was a word that was originally used to describe such behaviour—behaviour far more widespread in the past than I would have guessed. I want to share some quotes with you:

Enthusiasm first appeared in English in 1603 with the meaning “possession by a god.” The source of the word is the Greek enthousiasmos, which ultimately comes from the adjective entheos, “having the god within,” formed from en, “in, within,” and theos, “god.”
"enthusiasm." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 17 Jul. 2008. http://www.answers.com/topic/enthusiasm

Interestingly, I once spent a week at a Christian conference centre called Entheos. At the time I had no idea what the word meant.

Term used pejoratively, especially in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, for irrational and disturbed states of religious fervour, especially as found among Puritans, evangelicals, and low-church born-again zealots. “enthusiasm." The Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy. Oxford University Press, 1994, 1996, 2005. Answers.com 17 Jul. 2008. http://www.answers.com/topic/enthusiasm

If you are an evangelical Christian, consider yourself “born again” and are not a member of high-church denominations such as Roman Catholic, Anglican/Presbyterian or Lutheran, your Christian roots stem from “irrational and disturbed states of religious fervour.” You have a historical connection to all those “crazy” goings on that so many believers eschew.

Protestant Reformer Martin Luther (1483–1546) first used the word "Schwärmer" to describe such radical reformers as Thomas Müntzer (c. 1489–1525), Andreas Karlstadt (c. 1480–1541), and the Anabaptists, on account of their elevation of religious experience over the literal words of Scripture.

"Enthusiast" was the English equivalent, used to characterize those thought guilty of feigned inspiration, impostures, sectarianism, and extremes of religious passion. Enthusiasm was also associated with sets of physical symptoms—convulsions, ecstatic dancing, prophesying, speaking in foreign tongues, and the "quaking" from which Quakers received their derisory designation. The expression was used of a variety of sects, including the original Anabaptists, Behmenists, Seekers, Familists, Ranters, Camisards, Quietists, and Quakers. [see citation below]

Even the origins of the Mennonites (Anabaptists), those staid, unemotional bearers of the Bible who comprise the third largest people group in Manitoba (or at least used to be), can be found amongst these enthusiasts.

... those designated enthusiasts were often regarded as a threat to the established civil and religious order. ... The seventeenth-century tendency toward rational religion can be regarded, at least in part, as a reaction against the putative dangers of enthusiasm. [see citation below]

I find this interesting. We seem to be people of extremes. Either we lose all control as we allow God to take over our bodies in an atmosphere of worship and praise or we become so controlling of our spiritual lives, living in the rational intellect alone, that we fear the trace of any but the mildest emotion. (Yes, I’m overstating it to make a point.)

Meric Casaubon (1599–1671), son of the famous classicist Isaac, devoted a complete work to the condition. In his Treatise concerning Enthusiasm (1655) he argued for a distinction between natural and supernatural enthusiasm. The former was caused by an excitation of the soul, spirits, or brain, the latter by divine or diabolical inspiration. Religious errors arose when natural or diabolical inspirations were mistakenly thought to have originated from God. [see citation below]

This remains a danger today. Not all spiritual enthusiasm comes from God and those who assume it does can easily be led into dangerous theologies.

Physiological accounts of enthusiasm and the application of the category to religious history are indicative of an important shift in Western understandings of the basis of religious belief. The quest for the natural causes of the diversity of religious beliefs, incipient in the treatments of Burton, Casaubon, and More, heralds the beginning of Enlightenment attempts to provide religious beliefs with natural, rather than supernatural, explanations. To a degree, these treatments also lessened the moral stigma associated with religious heterodoxy. Enthusiasm and its critics played a significant role in the secularization of European thought and culture. [Peter Harrison]
"enthusiasm." Encyclopedia of the Early Modern World. The Gale Group, Inc, 2004. Answers.com 17 Jul. 2008. http://www.answers.com/topic/enthusiasm

How sad that people have been so afraid of the emotional, the uncontrollable, the signs of the very presence of God that they have shut God out of their lives completely! Vibrant, living Christianity is all but dead in Europe, a religion of traditions and ritual embraced by the few who see it as part of their cultural heritage.

"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn." - John Wesley
"enthusiasm." Quotations. Quotations Book, 2005. Answers.com 17 Jul. 2008. http://www.answers.com/topic/enthusiasm

How “caught on fire” are you for God? Do people see you burning with that fire of God?

Lord, please set me on fire with the presence of your Holy Spirit. Enable me to recognize the difference between your Spirit and everything else, and keep me close to you in all things, please.


*“The Ethics of Enthusiasm” in “Biblical Ethics” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers page 112

Insecurity, Not Good Enough, Loneliness

Loneliness. Is that what is behind my need for comfort? My reaching out to certain kinds of foods (ice cream and things with whipped cream)? My spending time in coffee shops and restaurants even though I’m there by myself? (Or, in the past, my reaching for illicit romance and sex?) When I’m at The Forks or at a restaurant or even walking in pedestrian-busy places, I am with people without having to interact. At camp last week I wanted to interact but the best I could do was sit in a somewhat public place with the hopes that others would approach me for conversation.

As Dr. G and I were talking about ice cream and restaurants I began to cry. I cried a lot. That’s when she suggested that loneliness was behind my draw to them. I thought of my dad. He too liked fine things and sought them even though he couldn’t afford them, even though it meant his family did without basic necessities. Did he have the same loneliness? The same need for comfort?

For me it represents freedom; that I’m in control. I can choose where I go and what I do. I can surround myself with beauty. Is it a way of persuading myself that I am good enough? As Dr. G and I were talking about two people I would like to get to know better, “not good enough” is what I was thinking. I’m not good enough for beautiful people. There are many people I avoid because I don’t feel good enough for them—people with great beauty or poise or well put together or fashionable or in good shape or in power or in charge or important or all sorts of other things. My head can acknowledge that I am good enough but everything else in me is totally unconvinced, and I act accordingly.

So what do I do? What is the answer? How does an insecure person begin to truly feel secure? Certainly it is a process. My doctor says that acknowledgement is an important first step and she refuses to give me any answers or tell me what the next steps are. She just asks me more questions to get me thinking so that I find the answers myself. It’s probably the best way but certainly frustrating. I also know that ultimately, God is the answer. But somehow that seems to be an overworked statement and I think I get impatient with God’s timing. I want complete healing now!

Lord, the only security I have is in you—not in myself, not in others. Both myself and others are imperfect. You are not. Is my insecurity a lack of faith in you? You have done so much in my life already, God, and yet I still feel like a mess. I tell others that the solution to their problems, whatever they are, is to focus on you. You are the answer. You are the changer. You are the one who can do what I cannot. Help me, Lord! Change me! Heal me! Keep my eyes and my ears on you. Help me to hear what you tell me and to act on what I hear. Thank you for your love, your compassion, your grace and mercy, your incomprehensible presence. Thank you for being you.

Holy Discontent

There are two or three blogs I have discovered lately that I want to read from beginning to end. One of these is My Journey Out by Kenny Warkentin. He began his blog when, in the spring of 2005, he left the homosexual lifestyle and his partner of eight years because of an encounter he had with God. In one of his posts he writes, "I was recently listening and watching the willowcreek leaders DVD's and one of the speakers asked...."what is your holy dicontent?" Meaning, what injustice can you not stand?"

This got me thinking. What is my holy discontent? What injustice can I not stand? So I've been spending some time thinking about this.

It concerns me greatly that we have so many people professing to be Christians but who are not walking with God. They believe that all they need is salvation--by answering some altar call or praying the sinner's prayer--not realizing that salvation is not only for the future but for now: salvation from slavery to sin; salvation from the old way of living; saved to be free to walk and do as Jesus did now.

Another great injustice is the way people, usually immature Christians though they may consider themselves very mature, are quick to pounce on those who are not living a godly life (even if those pounced upon profess no belief in Jesus) and tell them how sinful and horrid they are. The only ones that Jesus derided for their immorality were those who professed to be spiritual leaders but whose actions were totally contrary to what they purportedly represented. All others need to be shown the love of God and invited to come into relationship with him. It is only in relationship with God that our sinfulness can be changed and that only with the Holy Spirit; so who are we to condemn those who are living in sin (whether it's homosexuality, prostitution, drugs and alcohol, violence and murder, greed, deceit or anything else)? They cannot stop sinning until they've invited Jesus to live in them.

I want people to know that God is real and that he not only has the power to change lives but that he wants to and can change lives. The key is to keep our focus on Jesus--not the problem, not the sin we want to be rid of but on Jesus. We seek relationship with God and we seek and learn to hear his voice, his words to us, and determine to obey them no matter how ridiculous, painful or pointless those words may seem. When we do this (and we can only do it through the power of God), God will do the changing in us. The things he whispers to us will be the things, when obeyed, that will bring us to the freedom and holy lifestyle we desire.

Lord, I want to be someone whose focus is on you and you alone; someone who is listening for, hearing and obeying what you say to me and someone who, through your grace and power, is able to encourage and help others to do the same. Bring justice and mercy to those who need it and lead me in whatever role you want me to take to make this happen.

Blood: The Cleansing Agent

The law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. Hebrews 9:22 NIV

Blood, the life force of a person or a creature (the life of a creature is in the blood.... Leviticus 17:11 NIV), is a very important part of the Bible. Cain killed his brother Abel because God accepted Abel’s gift of blood (through the killing of a lamb) but not his gift of fruit and grain. Blood brushed onto the doorways of their homes saved the eldest sons of the Israelites when God’s angel came and killed the first born of man and beast. When the tabernacle (and later the temple) and priesthood were established, blood was sprinkled on all the furnishings, on all the priests and on their clothes.

Can you imagine coming to church and seeing splotches of blood all over the pastor as he gets up to preach? The blood wasn’t offensive as it would be to us. The blood was used to make things and people clean and pure, not dirty and contaminated as we would think. When someone sinned, it was blood that erased the sin. Blood was the cleansing agent and without blood, no one could come into the presence of God—not even the high priest who, on entering the Most Holy Place of the tabernacle or temple, sprinkled blood on the very ark of God—the throne of his presence on earth.

“[Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:2 NIV) How and why? The why is because he loves us (John 3:16); the how is by relinquishing his life blood by being nailed to a cross. God himself poured out his life, his blood, to redeem, forgive and cleanse us. Oswald Chambers says “The Cross is the expression of the very heart of God...it cost him everything.”*

Christians talk so easily about the blood of Christ. We forget or minimize the cost. We mourn the death of each soldier who dies because of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. We grieve our loss of them and sometimes wonder about the seeming senselessness of it all. Their deaths are not senseless. They are giving their lives willingly to protect us, our allies and even the civilians of the countries in which they fight, from terrorism. Because of them, we live in peace.

How much more powerful is the death and blood of God! The peace his death provides is incomparable. Do I care? Does it matter to me? Do I brush it off as an ancient act that holds some spiritual symbolism? Or am I in awe? How grateful am I? How often do I stop and consider the enormity of his death? How often do I ponder the significance? Not often enough.

God, forgive me for the cavalier way I often treat your gift of cleansing and life. You gave up everything and yet, instead of doing the same, I cling to the very things that keep me from you. Forgive me, Lord! Forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.



*”The Fundamental Offence” in “Biblical Ethics” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, page 109.

Canada: Too big for its britches?

On a lighter note, a friend sent me this blog post written by an American who spent the Fourth of July in Canada. I love the humour.

Attacked but Determined to Stay

B.C. missionary attacked in Kenya

Retired, they left Canada to reach out to the poor in Kenya--planting and caring for gardens to feed the orphans and doing what Jesus would do. After only four months there, John was attacked when he stepped out of his home--beaten with clubs, severely cut with machetes and then left in the bushes for dead. The men (seven have been arrested) then went inside, spending the next 45 minutes beating, cutting and raping Eloise who had been having a bath. Once the attackers left, Eloise went looking for her husband, found him, dragged him into their 4 x 4, both bleeding profusely and drove to the mission compound, ramming two different gates to get to safety.

John had "...multiple fractures to the head, jaw and skull ... broken bones in his arms, knees and legs" and required three hours of surgery; both had deep cuts. Yet they say "We want to stay because we know that this is where we're supposed to be. God told us to come here, and we feel like we're on an assignment here to help the orphans."*

Wow! Would I return to a place where I had been so badly assaulted? Would I be convinced God wanted me to continue my work? I don't know. For sure it can only be by the grace and power of God that one could even contemplate such a thing. Jesus said, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:12, 13 NIV) Can I love like this? Can you?

*"In their words: Canadian couple's horrifying ordeal"

Foolishness Saves

“...God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.” 1 Corinthians 1:21b NIV

I want to be wise, not foolish. Wisdom is esteemed, foolishness is not, and God promotes wisdom in places like Proverbs and Ecclesiastes so how does foolishness save? This an example of the upsidedowness of God’s kingdom.

The Greeks were wrapped up in the importance of wisdom. It is from them that we have the great philosophers of Plato, Socrates and others. Particularly in Athens, the people were preoccupied with wisdom and the importance of insight. “Greeks specifically looked for insight into the workings of the world that would relieve humanity’s problems.”*

That sounds like our world today, doesn’t it? Our leaders in government, education and religion keep searching for the answers to problems such as AIDS, terrorism, the environment, poverty, crime, hunger and more. How can we eliminate such things? Surely we can find a way to a utopia that excludes these issues; surely we can move up the evolutionary scale, become smarter, wiser, and live in a more perfect world!

So how can a bloody, painful death of a carpenter, no matter how wise and insightful he may have been, be our salvation? Who worth following would allow himself to be killed so cruelly without protest when innocent? It’s ludicrous foolishness! And yet this is what saves us and will save the world—not our wisest answers, not the results of our most careful research, not the agreements born from diplomatic debates and conferences, but Christ crucified, the silliest thing that man could imagine.

But it is not man’s imagination that brings us this salvation but the wisdom of God. “For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.” (2 Corinthians 1:25 NIV) If we try to use reason to bring people to God we will fail because the gospel is totally unreasonable foolishness. Only God’s Spirit can convict others and ourselves of our need to believe this foolish solution and change our lives because of it.

Thank you God for your foolish wisdom! Thank you for turning our world upsidedown so that we can be restored as your children and be saved from all that is true foolishness in our world.




*Note for 1 Corinthians 1:22 in the Archaeological Study Bible (Zonderman: Grand Rapids, Michigan) 2005

Heaps of Rubble

When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews and...said, ‘What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? ... Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble...?’ So we rebuilt the wall...for the people worked with all their heart. Nehemiah 4:1, 2, 6 NIV

Nehemiah was cupbearer to Artaxerxes, king of Persia. Some of God’s people had returned to their homeland from a captivity begun by Nebuchadnezzer but a report reached Nehemiah that the walls and gates of Jerusalem were still broken and destroyed. This news upset Nehemiah so much that the king noticed his unhappiness, asked about it and then sent him to Judah as governor, instructing him to rebuild the wall. Once this task had begun, a group of local men protested loudly and caused all sorts of difficulties for God’s people. Nehemiah didn’t let their opposition stop him. Instead he continued the task.

Oswald Chambers uses this passage to illustrate how to begin spiritual construction in our personal lives as followers of Jesus. In so doing, he discusses the importance of neglect, sacrifice and desire. I’m having trouble with some of the things he writes. “...there is the moral equivalent of rubbish which must be dealt with before we can begin to build a spiritual character.” Indeed, we come to God messed up and full of rubbish and rubble, but must it be dealt with before we can begin to build “a spiritual character”? Isn’t it God who does both the work of cleaning the garbage out of our lives and making us into new creatures? Does he not do both simultaneously?

Neglect

Using Colossians 3:5, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry,” (NIV) Chambers suggests that we destroy these evils in our lives not by praying about them but by neglecting them. In fact he says, “It is absurd to say, Pray about them; when once a thing is seen to be wrong, don’t pray about it, it fixes the mind on it; never for a second brood on it, destroy it by neglect.”* Part of this makes sense to me. I discovered in my struggle against same-sex attraction that my focus needed to be on building relationship with God much more than trying to fix what was wrong in my life. It is as we focus our attention wholly on God that he makes the changes that are needed in our lives. But to not pray about the problem? To not ask God to remove the wickedness from us, whatever it may be? Is this right? I do agree with Chambers, however, when he says, “We cannot destroy sin by neglect; God deals with sin....” Yes! It is all God’s doing. Perhaps my difficulty with Chambers on these thoughts is a matter of semantics, but for me, the questions remain.

Sacrifice
Jesus told his disciples, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:29 NIV) Chambers uses this to argue that, as Christians, we are not only to give up that which is wrong but also to give up the good that isn’t good enough. He asks, “Anyone will give up wrong things if he knows how to, but will I give up the best I have for Jesus Christ?” It’s a sobering question. What am I willing to relinquish in my pursuit of God?

But again I have trouble with one of his statements in regards to this: “Sanctification means not only that we are delivered from sin, but that we start on a life of stern discipline. It is not a question of praying but of performing, of deliberately disciplining ourselves.” Stern discipline? Performance and discipline more important than praying? Does this not reduce the work of God if sanctification is dependent not on prayer but on performance and discipline?

Desire
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4 NIV) “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” (John 15:7 NIV)

Chambers defines desire as being “what you determine in your mind and settle in your heart and set yourself towards as good....” He adds that “...that is the thing God will fulfil if you delight in Him—that is the condition.” At camp this week we had a discussion about this promise. Does God really give us whatever we ask? Whatever we desire? It may be obvious to us that it is not God’s will for us to live in palatial homes with servants (at least here on earth) but what about when we pray for someone’s healing? Could praying for such a thing be outside of God’s will? Would we know that it is if we “remain in [Christ] and [his] words remain in [us]?”

Chambers writes, “The majority of us only believe in Jesus Christ as far as we can see by our own wits.” So true! It is very easy to trust Jesus when I can understand something he says or does but what is my response when what he says or does makes no sense to me? Do I follow and obey anyway? Or do I argue, fuss and resist? I know I’ve done my share of kicking, screaming and loudly protesting. When I do, am I truly believing? “If we really believed Him...we would trust His Mind instead of our own....” This, I believe, is the crux of being disciples of Jesus, of “constructing” our spiritual lives. We must trust the mind of Christ instead of our own.

God, sometimes I’m not so good at trusting you. I make decisions based on my mind instead of on yours. But I want to be wholly yours—not mine, not someone else’s but yours. Please give me the faith I need, to be and do all you want of me.





*All non-Biblical quotes are from "Spiritual Construction--I" in "Biblical Ethics" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 104 and 105.

I've Been Away

My blog has been rather dead and quiet for the last two weeks. What a change from January and February when I was writing every day! This past week my husband and I were at a Christian family camp and returned today. There are so many things I want to write about. Hopefully I'll be able to carve out the time to do so.