Lies, Fear, Roots and Laughter

The following was written on Monday, the 22nd, and should have posted then. For some reason it did not.

God, I sit here in your presence, not knowing quite what to say. I know there is deep pain inside of me that is easily triggered but I’m afraid to go there. This past weekend I learned about guardian lies—lies we believe that place barriers between us and the truth. I’m beginning to realize that my life is full of guardian lies.

I learned one of them at church yesterday when a friend was praying with me. I’ve avoided my prayer room since our family crisis overwhelmed me last week. Why? Because my prayer room is a place of honesty before you and I’ve been afraid that if I begin to look at what’s been happening with any sort of honesty and transparency, I will fall apart, unable to be strong for the rest of the family. But that is a lie. You reminded me of the angel you sent to me here in my prayer room two years ago and reminded me of his size and strength. You are with me and I don’t need to be afraid of being weak or falling apart. You are with me, and you are my strength.

During the Sunday morning prayer meeting, someone referred to the following:

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. ... He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:1, 3 NIV

You showed me, God, that when such a tree has deep roots, no storm can bring it down. I think of Hurricane Ike that damaged so many homes by fallen trees, or the huge storms we’ve had here that bring trees down. But you have been growing my roots deep in you so that this storm will not strike me down but rather, enable me to remain standing straight and tall.

I thought of something else too while I was praying with the crown of thorns. I’ve been asking you to enable me to have joy and gladness in every situation and you’ve been giving that to me. Saturday night, despite the heaviness from what I learned, I was able to laugh and joke with my online friends and then with my church friends Sunday morning. You are indeed answering my prayers! Thank you.

Under the Blood

The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9:13, 14 NIV

My (non-Christian) psychiatrist advised me during an “emergency” visit with her on Friday, to not neglect my prayer room. So here I am.

On the wall of my prayer room hangs a large painting. It would never win any awards and was never created with the idea of hanging on someone’s wall—or even of being permanent. It was part of a speaker’s illustration and I asked if I could have it (I’m not usually that bold but this really spoke to me). The key part of the painting is a large cross and from the centre of the cross pours the three primary colours, which have come to symbolize for me the blood (and thus the life) that Jesus shed on the cross and the life that he gives.

Often in prayer, I imagine myself beneath the cross as Jesus hangs on it, his blood pouring down from him onto me. As I picture that, I have a real goblet filled with grape juice to represent Christ’s blood and I drink it as I ask God to pour his life into me. Christ’s blood is our life.

Today as I was praying in this manner, it hit me—a truth I’ve always known but suddenly saw more clearly. Jesus gave his life for everyone but not everyone is willing to sit at the foot of the cross and be “messed up” by the blood that would flow on them. Jesus gives life but only those who come to the cross can receive it. We can’t even just sort of run under it or past it. We need to plant ourselves there so his blood, his life, continually flow over us and into us.

Jesus, thank you for the life you gave so that I could live. Thank you for the life you are giving me now. Without you, I am dead. Please keep me at the cross so that your life-giving blood will continue to pour from you to me, filling me with your life.

Not Coping

My apologies for not posting in the past few days. We've had a family crisis this week and then I learned my brother died yesterday. I'm not coping well so it may be a while before I'm posting frequently again. I'd appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

What's Biting You?

Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4: 19 NIV

I was reading the Lindenville Cafe the other day, and came across a post entitled, “Learning to Fish for Souls.” The author, Lynn Mosher, talks about her fishing experiences with her dad, how they didn’t use a lot of fancy lures. They simply stuck worms on a hook. Fish like worms and so they’re attracted to come and take a bite. When they do, they also clamp down on the hook and they’re caught.

In the comments to the post, the author writes, “Fisherman [sic] use worms because that's what the fish want. It makes me wonder how often I fail to explain Christ well because I turn up my nose at what people want and need.” Sadly, as fishers of men we too often put the wrong things on the hook and then wonder why the fish aren’t biting. Mosher writes, "our lives must be fresh bait on the hook of the gospel."

Interesting thoughts. What kind of bait are non-Christians hungry for? I propose that they are not hungry for a lot of rules and restrictions. What we all long for is relationship—to know we are loved, wanted, valued, appreciated; that we have worth. As we fish for men, what are we putting on the hook? Are we inviting people to God’s love for them and his desire to be part of their lives or are we bashing them over the head with all the wrong things they’ve done and dragging them, kicking and screaming to be changed? If change is needed, who does the changing? God. Under what circumstances? When we are in relationship with him, listening to what he has to say and choosing to obey.

Why would someone want relationship with a Being they can’t see and aren’t even sure really exists? Because they see us and the relationship we have with God. They see that we have something they don’t and their hunger is stirred. This is how our lives are the “fresh bait on the hook of the gospel.” Of course, this will only happen if we ourselves are different from the non-believers around us and when our differentness is because we’ve developed deep relationship with God.

So I would suggest that the best way to fish for men is to seek God first in my own life—to make him my consuming focus; to deepen my relationship with him, learning to listen more and more closely and choosing to obey. As I do this, others will automatically see the difference and be curious—perhaps even curious enough to bite.

God, I ask that you make me into bait that will attract others to you and your good news—we can be in relationship with the Creator of the universe, Jesus has made a way for us to do this. Fill me with your Spirit, your Presence, You, so that many, many, many will be attracted to you and choose to be in relationship with you. Thank you.

Expressing on the Outside what is on the Inside

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV

My reading of Oswald Chambers* today intrigues me.

When a child is born, its ability to express itself is limited. As that child grows, she becomes able to speak but even then she has thoughts and ideas she doesn’t know how to put words to. I suppose this is one of the primary purposes of education—to teach one how to express themselves in a way that others understand.

When a young life is trying to express itself, it experiences exquisite suffering; music is run to, theatres are run to, literature is run to—anything to try and get the power to express what is there in longing.... Whenever a person or a book expresses for us what we have been trying to express for ourselves, we feel unspeakably grateful, and in this way we learn how to express for ourselves.*

What happens when a person is born again? Spiritually, she is a baby, unable to express the Spirit of God in her. Her speech will be that of a spiritual baby; her body will behave as a spiritual baby and even her thoughts will be spiritually immature. Just as a physical child gets frustrated as she tries to communicate what she wants or needs, so does the spiritual child. Romans 7 is a good description of that state:

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. (verse 19, NIV)

Chambers writes:

Sooner or later, through the turmoil in the soul, the physical life must express the ruling spirit. We grow exactly like our spirit. ...if we have the Spirit of God within, we shall grow more and more “into the same image from glory to glory.”*

That reminds me of an old lady I saw on the city bus one day as a child. I spent the entire ride studying her face. It was the most wrinkled face I had ever seen but the wrinkles were all shaped with laughter. It was most evident that this was a happy woman. I decided then that I want the same kind of wrinkles when I grow old. The physical life must express the spirit that rules inside. That woman was ruled by a spirit of happiness.

The spirit in a born-again person does not express itself in the flesh in the same degree that it does when the point of sanctification has been reached, because the body has not yet learned obedience to God. In the beginning the Spirit of God works in independence of the flesh and conviction of sin is produced. When the Spirit of God comes into a soul there is darkness and difficulty because He produces discernment of the wrong disposition, and this discernment makes the spirit yearn and long after being made like God, and nothing and no one but God can comfort the soul that is born of the Spirit. The only hope for that life is concentration on and obedience to the Spirit of God.*

I can look back and see this happening in my life—sometimes the struggle between the Spirit of God and my “flesh” has been more pronounced than others. God doesn’t grow us faster than we’re willing but how true that God’s Spirit produces in us a discernment that makes us yearn and long for God in a way that nothing else can satisfy.

It took me far too long to learn the truth in my heart that I knew in my head—truthfully, I’m still learning it. We can will our bodies to behave in certain ways, to do what our heads tell them to do, but it isn’t until our hearts—our emotions, the fundamental, deep core inside of us—are convinced that what we know in our head is true that we begin to behave in those ways naturally and without effort. It is God’s Spirit that changes our hearts. He works in the hidden parts of us—the places even we are unaware of—and we begin to change from the inside out. This work starts long before it is visible to anyone, even to the person in whom the change is being made.

When the Spirit of God comes into me, He does not express Himself straightaway in my flesh; He works independently of my flesh, and I am conscious of the divorce. I gain slow, sure, steady victories, but I am conscious of the turmoil. ...slowly and surely and victoriously, [however, we can] claim the whole territory for the Spirit of God, until...the only thing there is, is the Spirit of God...and now we can begin to manifest that growth in grace which will express the life of Jesus in our mortal flesh.*

This is encouraging! Living out the life of a follower of Jesus is a process. I don’t need to be frustrated and angry because it’s not happening all at once. I can trust that God is changing me at his speed and in his timing. All I need to do is be willing.

But I think it’s also instructive as we look at the lives of others. The new Christian in our midst is not going to change everything about her life the moment she chooses to follow Jesus. We need to be patient. Last night I was reading the blog of a woman who for 20 years had lived as a lesbian. Then she turned to Christ and choose to follow him, but it took her two years to realise the sinfulness of her lesbian lifestyle enough that she turned away from it. All the while her Baptist church loved her and welcomed her and let her know she was a part of them even though she hadn’t dealt with all her sinful ways.

We need to be like that congregation—loving the new believer, though not their sin—and being willing to patiently wait on the Lord while he does the work in her that no one else can do. (Read Charlene’s story.)

God, I’m so grateful that you don’t just change the outside of me but that you get right into the deep parts of me and change them first so that I truly do become a new creature and not just an old one with new skin. Thank you for the patience extended to me by believers who were willing to wait for you change me and who didn’t try to hurry the process along by trying to force the changes on me before I was ready. Please help me to have that same patience as I wait for you to continue your work in me and as I interact with others who I may think should be better able to express your presence in their lives by the way they live. Thank you.



*"Spirit: The Domain and Dominion of Spirit: Man’s Universe” in “Biblical Psychology” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 208-212.

Leviticus--Holiness, God and Man

Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the Lord. Leviticus 18:5 (NIV for all Scriptural quotations; emphases added)

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:18

Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:32

Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord, who makes you holy. Leviticus 20:8

I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Leviticus 11:44

You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. Leviticus 20:26

Perhaps the biggest message of Leviticus is that God is Yahweh* and God is holy. The phrases, “I am the LORD (Yahweh),” and “I am the Lord (Adonai),” occur (combined) 49 times in this book. The word “holy” is used 74 times in Leviticus and 13 times God calls himself holy and the one who makes his people holy. (In sentences such as: “Be holy, because I am holy,” and “I am the Lord, who makes you holy.”) This message is repeated throughout the New Testament and, in fact, Peter quotes from Leviticus when he says in 1 Peter 1:15, 16:

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

What does it mean to be holy? To be apart, to be set apart, separate and can refer to God, people, places and things. It does not mean perfect as is commonly thought. For instance, the toilet in your house is holy. It is set apart for one use only—elimination of body waste. If you have special dishes you use only for company, they are holy—set apart for a unique purpose.

Holiness is important to God and an important concept to convey to his people. God is holy because he is totally different, separate, apart from all other gods. His people are to be holy—different from the people around them—and some of that differentness is explained to us in Leviticus. They had a totally different rhythm of life with their sacrifices at the tabernacle, their not working every seventh day, the way they had to keep themselves ceremonially clean by what they ate, touched, and did, the prohibitions they had against many sexual practices of the nations around them, and so on.

The tabernacle and everything in it were holy. The washbasins, lights, altars, barbecue utensils, cooking pots, plates, bowls, table were to be used only in the service of God in the temple. There was no borrowing one of the large pots by a Levitical wife because she happened to be having a lot of guests over. The offerings (bread, wine, incense, animals) were holy and were to be touched, used, eaten only by specific people in specific ways.

There were many ways to become unholy, such as certain illnesses, certain regular functions of the body, touching a dead body—human, animal or insect—touching other things deemed “unclean.” Anyone considered unholy was not allowed to participate in the religious life of the community and couldn’t even, for example, eat the Passover meal with the rest of the family.

Leviticus (as well as Exodus, Numbers and Deuteronomy) is full of God’s instructions about holiness—how to be a people set apart and different from the neighbouring nations, just as God is separate and different from all other gods. Holiness is obviously something very important to God since he uses up so much “boring” space in the Bible to tell us about it. Why?

What does holiness mean to us today? God doesn’t change. He still is holy, set apart from all other gods. Are we holy? How are we set apart from those who do not follow God? How are we different? Are we different? Leviticus is an important place to begin understanding the whole idea of holiness. Why not consider reading it soon?

God, I want to be holy because you are holy. I want to be set apart solely for you and your purposes for me. Please help me to do this and show me where I need to change.



*"In regard to the divine name YHWH...the translators adopted the device used in most English versions of rendering that name as “LORD” in capital letters to distinguish it from Adonai, another Hebrew word rendered “Lord,” for which small letters are used.” Preface to the NIV.

YHWH means, “the existing One” and is “the proper name of the one true God.”
Adonai can refer to men (my lord) or God (used “in place of Yahweh in Jewish display of reverence.).

God and the Large Hadron Collider

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1 NIV

By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. Psalm 33:6 NIV

But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 2 Peter 3:5 NIV

Yesterday, the multi-billion-dollar Large Hadron Collider (LHC), billed as “the greatest experiment of all time” was turned on for the first time, making news around the world. What is the LHC and why is it considered so important? According to Telegraph.co.uk:

It smashes together particles smaller than atoms at near-lightspeed to break them down into their constituent parts and recreate conditions which existed fractions of a second after the Big Bang.

Scientists hope the £4.4 billion project will help them understand how the universe was created and find "missing" particles which are thought to exist but have never been observed, including the Higgs boson, nicknamed the "God particle".

Science Daily explains that the LHC is:

...expected to help answer questions such as: Are there undiscovered principles of nature? What is the origin of mass? Do extra dimensions exist? What is dark matter? How can we solve the mystery of dark energy? And how did the universe come to be?

Look at the photo and notice the man standing at the bottom in the centre. This enormous tunnel travels in a 17-mile-long circle underground, starting in Geneva, Switzerland and crossing into France before returning again to Geneva.

Chris Matyszczyk protests that the LHC must be stopped in an article that amused me:

I am not an intelligent designer. Nor am I a resident of France or Switzerland.

But this Large Hadron Collider experiment, in which particles are breaking the speed limit somewhere beneath the French/Swiss border and then crashing into each other like teenage drunks in fairground bumper cars scares the semi-comatose bejaysus out of me.

These scientists claim to know what they are doing. But scientists always claim to know what they are doing. Then they discover, while doing the thing that they claim to know they are doing, that they are doing something entirely different.

Is any government monitoring these people? What if the Alps are suddenly sent into orbit by two particularly control-free particles and land square on top of, I don't know, Cleveland?

I myself am no scientist and had no idea this tool was being built until I saw the Google Doodle yesterday and decided to investigate but the whole experiment intrigues me. I believe God created the world. He spoke and it was done. The scientists behind the LHC believe the world began with a big bang and hope to use this devise to prove that or to at least learn more about it. What will they find? If the experiment destroys the hypothesis of the Big Bang, what then? What if the results support the Big Bang? What then?

Whatever happens, I know one thing: God is Creator and Sustainer of our universe. Nothing can change that and one day all people will know this truth.

God, thank you for the power of your words. You spoke and light appeared. You spoke and the seas and dry land were separated. You spoke and the grass and trees, birds and fish, reptiles and mammals all came to be. You spoke and the stars and galaxies appeared in space. As Jesus, you spoke and people were healed, storms were calmed and demons fled. You spoke from the cross and said, “It is finished.” As the Holy Spirit, you speak to your people today. You show us your will, your character, your power and might. There is none like you, oh God, and I am grateful that you, who spoke all things into being, chooses to speak to us. What is man that you are mindful of him? We are the dust of the ground, specks of nothing compared to everything else you made and yet you not only love us, you know every hair on our heads. And because of your love, you sent your Son to become one of us and bridge the gap our sin has put between you and us. Thank you, Father! Thank you that you want relationship with us. Thank you for you.

Leviticus--Blood Atonement

When Christ came as high priest...he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made.... He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption. The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ...cleanse our consciences.... In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. ...so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people.... Hebrews 9:11-28 NIV

For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life. ...none of you may eat blood.” Leviticus 17:11, 12 NIV

Blood. We need it to live. For this reason, the blood (or life) of one can “buy” or be exchanged for the blood (or life) of another.

The penalty for sin is death. But we all sin. What then? Shall we all die? This is what God warned would happen if Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit:

‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ Genesis 3:3 NIV

But God created us because he wants relationship with us and he can hardly have that if, the instant we sin, we drop dead. Moreover, he wants eternal relationship with us and for that we need to be completely clean of sin. How can this happen?

In the Old Testament a copy of heavenly things was instituted for God’s people here on earth (see Hebrews link above). And so, when someone sinned, God’s provision was that the sinner could bring an animal to the altar at the tabernacle (and later the temple), where it would be killed in a particular way to drain all its blood from it.

If the sin was by the anointed priest or the whole community, the animal was a bull that had to be completely burned up and its blood dealt with in a particular way. If the sin was that of a leader or member of the community, the animal was a sheep, goat or even two birds if the offender was poor enough. Only part of that animal was burned up and the rest was stewed and eaten by the priests. In both cases, some of the blood was applied to the horns of the altar (the altar of incense inside the Holy Place for the sin of the priest or community and the altar of burnt offering in the temple courtyard for the sin of the leader or community member) and the rest of the blood was poured out at the base of the altar of burnt offering.

The key part of the sin offering was that the animal died and its blood treated with honour and respect (not eaten or drunk) because that animal had given its life as a ransom for the life of the sinner.

Once a year a more elaborate ritual was followed, intended to cleanse all sin from all the people from the previous year (in case they had missed any). The blood of this offering was taken into the Most Holy Place--the place where the ark of the covenant sat, the very presence of God on earth--and this blood was sprinkled on the cover of the ark. The high priest (and no other priest or person) could enter this room only once a year on the Day of Atonement, and then ONLY if he brought with him the blood of the special offering for that event.

Remember, all this was a copy. In the Real, “[Christ] entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption.” (see Hebrews passage above, emphasis added.) Whereas the blood of the animal the priest took into the Most Holy Place brought redemption from the sins of the past year, Christ’s blood brought everlasting redemption!

In addition to outright (though unintentional) sin, there were many ways an Israelite (later called Jews) could become ceremonially unclean: having sex, touching a dead body (even if the dead body was a spider), nightly emissions, menstruation, touching anything that a menstruating woman touched, certain diseases, giving birth to a child and so on. There were various ways prescribed for a person to become “clean” again, but most of them involved water of a particular kind.

In Numbers 19, God instructs Aaron about this water. First a red heifer (a virgin cow) was taken out of the camp, slaughtered and burned up completely along with cedar wood, hyssop and scarlet wool (I haven’t figured out the significance of these items yet). All the ashes were gathered, put in a container and stored outside the camp. (The process of doing all this resulted in each person involved becoming “unclean” and needing to be purified.) These ashes were then added to water and only this water could be used for cleansing and the purification from sin.

Our Hebrews passage above says:

The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ...cleanse our consciences....

All the killing of animals, the sprinkling of blood and of ash-containing water and the other rituals commanded by God were symbols only. They were a copy of the Real, and only the outside of the person or object being cleansed was affected. The sinner or unclean person drank neither the blood nor the water. It was forbidden to ingest the life-giving blood of another.

Contrast this with Jesus, the Real. Not only did he die, spilling his blood as an atonement for our sins but, but he commanded us to drink his blood! This was scandalous and revolutionary. A Jew, a follower of God, did not drink blood. In fact, at the Jerusalem Council, when the apostles were deciding which of the old Jewish laws the new Gentile believers should follow, abstaining from blood was one of only four laws they were told to obey. (Acts 15: 29)

And yet we are to drink the blood of Jesus. (1 Corinthians 11:25)

This drinking of blood that was otherwise forbidden seems clearly a symbol of the cleansing work Jesus’ blood does in us. It doesn’t affect only the outside that everyone can see (can you imagine what people’s clothes must have looked like after they’d been sprinkled with blood a few times?) but it cleanses our core, our very inner being.

Jesus’ blood is like no other. It is his blood poured out on us and in us that atones for our lives. We live because he gave his life.

Thank you, Jesus, for your death that has given me life. Fill me with your life and with your presence!

Leviticus--Sexual Sin and a Vomitting Land

My habit is to read my Bible every night in bed before I go to sleep and sometimes before I get up in the morning. Currently I’m in Leviticus and I find myself struck by several things.

In chapter 18, God gives a list of sexual prohibitions. (I find it interesting that the only prohibition specifically addressed to woman is that she “must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it,”v.23 though it seems logical that the same prohibitions given to man applies to woman as well.) At the end of the chapter God makes a link between sexual sin and defilement of the very land:

Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you become defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you...must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you. v. 24-28

If I ask if this applies to today, I have to say yes because the defilement wasn’t caused (or potentially caused) by God’s chosen people alone but by other nations as well. Where in the world today is sexual sin not rampant? How does sexual sin defile the land? What about the land becomes defiled? Might there be a relationship between our global sexual immorality and the global concerns about environmental damage? Is the pollution of our lakes and rivers, the loss of forests, the encroachment of desert and global warming somehow connected to our disregard for God’s laws about sex? Might the solution to the defilement of land and water across the world not lie in laws about water purification but in turning back to God’s laws about sexual purity?

It’s a sobering question to consider.

God, I know how attractive, alluring and enjoyable sexual sin is. I have given in far too often in the past. You have given me freedom from the power of such temptations but the temptation rarely ends. It is always there, inviting me to its pleasure. Sometimes I want it so badly, but I have chosen to follow you and you have been gracious enough to give me the ability to resist. Thank you.

You want us, your people, to walk in sexual purity but so many of us don’t. Far too many of us have embraced these sinful ways of fulfilling our longings and have invented means to justify them. How then can we fault those who make no claim to following you? We have no grounds on which we can condemn them without condemning ourselves.

But you, God, are merciful. There are so many places in the Bible where you promise to heal the land if only those living there would turn their hearts back to you. Forgive us our sin! Turn our hearts back to you! Help us to keep holy and undefiled these bodies of ours that you say are your temple and as we do, please heal our land. Keep us from being the vomit of a sickened land!

Cauterised Conscience

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 1 Timothy 4:1-2 NIV

What does this mean, “seared as with a hot iron”?

I’ve been reading Oswald Chambers’ discourse on the conscience.* He argues that the conscience is not the voice of God but rather that it “attaches itself to that system of things which man regards as highest.”* He gives Saul before his conversion as an example. Chambers says that Saul was following his conscience when he persecuted the Christians:

"I too was convinced that I ought to do all that was possible to oppose the name of Jesus of Nazareth.” Acts 26:9 NIV

Chambers tries to show that conscience can be distorted, perverted or seared and uses the passage from Timothy above, as evidence. At times I can be sceptical and hard to convince—some might call me obstinate—and I have trouble believing that our conscience is not the voice of God. Consider Romans 1:18-20:

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. NIV (emphasis added)

From this, it seems clear that God has given all people an awareness of him and what is right and wrong; how else would he do this except through the conscience?

So I went to my trusty online Bible tools to find the meaning of “seared.” It turns out that the whole phrase, “seared with an iron” comes from one Greek word; a word used only once in the Bible: “kauteriazo.” What does it mean?

1. to mark by branding, to brand, branded with their own consciences
--whose souls are branded with the marks of sin
--who carry about with them the perpetual consciousness of sin
2. seared
3. in a medical sense, to cauterise, remover by cautery

I immediately picked up on the third definition. “Cauterise” and “kauteriazo” look so much alike that I think it’s reasonable to say that our English word is derived from this Greek word. It also gives me a clearer understanding of this passage. If we go with definitions one or two, it’s hard to get a picture of what a branded conscience would look like. But a conscience that has been cauterised seems more graspable.

What does “cauterise” mean? “Cauterization is a medical term describing the burning of the body to remove or close a part of it.” So we could restate the passage to say: “Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been removed and closed off.” They don’t have a conscience anymore or, if they do, they don’t have access to it.

To me, this supports the idea that the conscience is from God. (Jeffrey Brian White, in his discussion of consciousness agrees with Chambers, by the way, and gives a very good treatise on the subject.)

Chambers writes, “The words “consciousness” and “conscience” meant the same thing originally.”* Again I went looking for definitions:

In common parlance, consciousness denotes being awake and responsive to the environment, in contrast to being asleep or in a coma.

Both words have their roots in the Latin word “conscire" which means “to be mutually aware”--active and awake. White, above, says it means "to be conscious of guilt.”

Regardless of the definition you use, conscience has the aspect of awareness to it. Aware of guilt, as White says? Aware of God, as Paul says in Romans 1? Aware of right and wrong? In any case, the hypocritical liars whose teachings cause Christians to: “abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons” have been cut off from this awareness. It has been cauterised from them. Paul is telling Timothy to warn his congregations about such teachers because:

They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer. 1 Timothy 4:3, 4 NIV

These teachings come from people cut off from their consciences? Without this warning from the Holy Spirit through Paul, such instructions have the appearance of being very noble, self-sacrificing and godly and yet they are given by people cut off from God and awareness of his values. The only way we can know the truth, the only way we can know what is truly godly, is by staying connected to God and aware of all he tells us; by not allowing our consciences to be cauterised.

God, it is so easy to be cut off from you and yet, like those “hypocritical liars,” think I am living in your will. Orders about not marrying and abstaining from certain foods look so much like something you would ordain (and in fact did with Moses) that without keen ears listening to your Holy Spirit, your very children could be fooled. In what ways do I think I’m living in your will but am not? Am I truly connected to you or has my conscience been cauterised? How would I know, God? Please keep my ears and eyes open so I stay always aware of you and your will. Keep my heart and mind away from anything that would cauterise the connection between us. I want you above all else.



*In ”Ourselves: I; Me; Mine: Ourselves and Conscience” in “Biblical Psychology” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 195-199.

Shame and Trust

We feel shame when our longings surface and we are failed or we fail...condemning our own soul for being so foolish as to hope, want, or risk. –Dr. Dan B. Allender*

The fear [of shame] is greater than simply losing relationship. It is the terror that if our dark soul is discovered, we will never be enjoyed nor desired, nor pursued by anyone.

Shame is heavy baggage that those who were sexually abused as children carry. Even though as adults we can acknowledge that we were sinned against, we continue to carry the shame, the child inside unconvinced that she was not somehow responsible. We wanted affection, closeness, emotional intimacy, love. Instead we got a monstrous wound that resurfaces whenever our legitimate longings dare to rise to consciousness.

The terror is real. It shapes all our interactions and is compounded by the hidden sins we have committed (not just those done against us) in an effort to meet our longings in ways that have not included God. For too long I have been controlled by this terror.

Shame is an excellent path to exposing how we really feel about ourselves, what we demand of ourselves and others, and where we believe life can be found. It unearths the strategies we use to deal with a world that is not under our control....

Trust is a giving of our soul to another with the hope that we will not be harmfully used. Such trust invests in another the power to determine whether or not we are acceptable and desirable. When trust...is absent, shame is usually not experienced, even with exposure of our dignity or depravity....

For example, I likely would not feel shame when I am caught performing a vulgar act, unless I cared about your opinion of me....Shame is experienced before the one I’ve entitled or given the right to judge me....To give that privilege—in essence, the opportunity to bestow or retract life—to anyone other than God is idolatry.

Shame is based on me trusting someone else to affirm me, to declare me acceptable, desirable, loveable. To whom do I give that power? From where am I searching for life? For too long, I have sought that life and given that power to nearly anyone and everyone who crossed my path. I want to change but old habits and ways of thinking are hard to shift. Fear and terror are hard to shrug off. “Longings that are raw and exposed make a person feel naked and shamefully alone.” And so I have hidden, projecting (not always consciously) an image of myself that fits what I believe is expected or wanted.

The message was clear: ‘I’ve been violated once, and I will never again feel myself lose control. I will never feel that powerless again in the presence of another person.’

I have recently begun to realize that I have erected huge barriers of self-protection—probably in an attempt to hide my longings and vulnerability and to hang onto control of a world that threatens to destroy me—at least in my mind. These barriers were likely begun unconsciously in a time I don’t remember and strengthened with each wound that followed until now they are so high and so thick I don’t know how to dismantle them. They have become false gods.

Central to a false god is the assurance that we will be protected by their ministrations, and when they fail us or we perceive that we have disappointed them, the combined shame of rebellious independence and naked aloneness floods our soul.

I felt that naked aloneness yesterday in a social setting where there were a few people I know and many I don’t. Afraid that I would cry and someone would notice, I fled the building.

Allender says that many men become risk takers in an effort to deflect any perception of powerlessness—to themselves or others. Is that why I take risks? Is it a way to build my bravado and hide my vulnerability? Is it a false way of proving to myself that I’m not afraid? There was a time when I believed I had no fear. God has been pulling me out of that self-delusion.

Trust involves relying on [God] for what is most essential to our being: the intactness of our soul. A return to the Father ensures that no one can shame or disgrace or possess our soul...no matter what is done to our body, reputation, or temporal security.

God, I’m learning to trust you but there is still so much I clutch to in self-protection instead of letting go and trusting you to keep me safe. I have doubted your ability to do that, haven’t I God? And still I doubt. Still I fear the darkness of the chasm that threatens to swallow me if I do let go. My fingers seem locked, unwilling to be released. I huddle and cower, scared to death to reach for the very thing I’ve asked for for so long. Help me God! I cannot do this.


*All quotes from Dr. Dan B. Allender in The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse. NavPress: Colorado Springs. (1995). pages 60-75.

"The most important [commandment]," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'” Mark 12:29, 30 NIV

“If the mainspring of your service is love for God, no ingratitude, no sin, no devil, no angel, can hinder you from serving your fellow-men, no matter how they treat you.” --Oswald Chambers*

“We shall easily be the servant of all men, not because it is our ideal, but because we cannot help it. Our eye is not consciously on our service, but on our Saviour.” --Chambers*

“His honour is at stake wherever I take my body. My body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, therefore I have to see that it is [His] obedient slave....” --Chambers*

God at the centre. God, the sole object of my love. God, the focus of my heart, soul, mind and strength. God, the mainspring of all I do and of all I honour.

“Humility...is the unconscious result of the life being rightly related to God and centred in Him.” --Chambers* (Emphasis added)

God, so central to who I am that I become transparent, even to myself, that my thoughts, words and actions are his, without any awareness on my part.

Does this describe me? Where is God in my life? Do I love him above all else? Do I love him with every part of me? Am I a temple worthy of his presence or have I instead set up myself as “a sacrilegious object that causes desecration” in this temple built by God? (Daniel 9:27 NLT)? From what and where does my life flow?

God, I want to love you more than anything or anyone else. Too easily I allow my expectations of how others will treat me to determine what I think, say and do; too easily I make my comfort and others’ thoughts about me decide what I do instead of being so focused on you that I see nothing but you, hear nothing but you, love nothing but you. Too much am I caught up in what serves me. I don’t want the idol of myself desecrating this temple you have chosen to live in but I seem incapable of destroying it. Would you do that for me, God? Would you come, make “a whip out of cords, and [drive] all [that detracts from you] from the temple” of my body? (John 2:15 NIV) Heal my unrighteousness, Lord! Cleanse me so that you are all that shows.


*Oswald Chambers. “Ourselves: I; Me: Mine: Ourselves As “Ourselves.” “Self.” In “Biblical Psychology” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 191 – 195.

The Spirit Brings War

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. Romans 1:24 NIV

For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. Galatians 5:17 NIV

...when a person is born again of the Spirit, there is a disclosure of enmity against God. No man knows he has that enmity inside until he receives the Holy Spirit. Immediately he receives the Spirit the carnal mind is aroused and the carnal mind clamours and will not yield to the Spirit. This war is described in Galatians 5:17, the flesh lusting [desiring] against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, both demanding, “I must have this body at once. --Oswald Chambers*

Chambers argument is that the carnal mind, the person who has not been in relationship with God and who has not been convicted of her sin, isn’t aware of how sinful she really is or how depraved she is or could be. He interprets the following passage:

"Are you so dull?" he asked. "Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him 'unclean'? For it doesn't go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body." (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods "clean.") He went on: "What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.' For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.'" Mark 7:18-23 NIV

and says, “These verses mean that no crime has ever been committed by a human being that every human being is not capable of committing.”*

Powerful words! It could just as easily have been me on that Greyhound bus, stabbing the passenger next to me, cutting off his head and eating his flesh. (Greyhound suspect whispers 'please kill me') My heart is no different from Mr. Li’s. And if I haven’t done what he did, it is only because of the grace of God. We are all seriously depraved, more than we realize, and it isn’t until the Holy Spirit shows up in my life that I begin to realize just how depraved I am.

“Immediately he receives the Spirit the carnal mind is aroused and the carnal mind clamours and will not yield to the Spirit.” I not only begin to realize how depraved I am but my depravity begins to show up in full force. My carnal (natural, human) mind is aroused, clamouring to be sated and rebels against all God wants for me.

I know this from experience. When I finally came to the point where I was able to admit, publically (in a Christian Internet group to which I belonged), that I had sexual desire for women, everything changed. Up until then, my desire had expressed itself only in fantasies about nameless, faceless women but now that I wanted to rid myself of these desires and walk cleanly before God, what happened? Every woman I saw became a potential sex partner and every woman I was close friends with was in danger of my lust and passion. On one level, I was horrified, but on another, these desires so clamoured for my attention that I seriously considered abandoning God so I could pursue and satiate my heart. On that second level, I did not want to yield to the Holy Spirit.

And so for two years I battled, the two parts of me warring over who would have control. It seemed that it would never end and often I felt like just giving up and running away from God. I think, had I done that, the torment of the struggle would have ended because I would have shut the Holy Spirit out of my life and closed my ears to him.

Do not suppose that the moment you or anyone else chooses to follow God, life will now be easy and all your sinful desires will be gone. On the contrary! Those sinful desires will be stirred up and, if you continue to pursue God, your life will become far more difficult as you learn how to call out to God in your need and depend on his strength and mercy to get you through.

Lord, I am so glad your Spirit has chosen to live in me. And I’m so grateful that you did not give up on me, even when I rebelled against you and chose my own ways instead of yours. You knew that my heart, the innermost part of my being, longed for you more than anything else and you continually warred against my natural, human desires. Thank you that you value me so much that you were willing to spend that time fighting for my soul. Thank you for the increasing strength you gave me to yield to you. I thank you too that just because I yield to you in one area that you don’t leave me alone, half finished. You continue to dig deeper and deeper to war against every single part of me that still lives the natural, human ways instead of yours. Continue to war inside of me, Lord! Please do not rest until I am wholly yours, not just in mind but in the deepest recesses of my being—those parts of me that are beyond my current knowing. Thank you for the love you show to me in this pursuit for all of me.


*"Heart: The Radical Region of Life: TheRendezvous of Perfect Life" in "Biblical Psychology" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers pages 177, 175.

Immorality vs. Carnality

“We are horrified at immoral conduct in social life, but how many of us are as horrified at pride as Jesus Christ was? ...God gives us a deeper horror of carnality than ever we had of immorality.”*

My Oswald Chambers reading two days ago didn’t strike me as having anything worth writing about, at the time, but since then, I haven’t been able to get out of my mind the idea presented in the above quote. Chambers is saying that, as bad as immorality may be, there is something worse, something that should horrify us even more than immorality and that is carnality. Realizing that today’s definitions may differ greatly with the way Chambers understood the words, I went searching to see what are “immorality” and “carnality.”

IMMORALITY:

• the quality of not being in accord with standards of right or good conduct
• deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong

One self-proclaimed agnostic writes, “Belief in God is not necessary for a moral system. Logic will serve us just as well,”² and points out that in a society where everyone is free to do whatever they like, randomly killing people is not a good idea because it means that I too can be killed. This kind of logic, he declares, speaks for the needs of morals even if there is no god to consider.

CARNALITY: It should be pointed out that while the word “carnal” is used ten times in the King James Version of the Bible, more recent translations, such as the NIV, do not use the word at all. What does it mean?

• Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire.
• Worldly or earthly; temporal: the carnal world.
• Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.

Claude T. Stauffer, pastor of Calvary Chapel of Hope on Long Island, New York describes carnality this way: “...carnality is self-rule, preoccupation with self, self-promotion, self-reliance, self-worship, and every form of selfishness; it is sin.”³

Comparing the two words gives me a better idea of what Chambers was saying. Immorality is a breaking of the rules or laws, primarily those set by society at large. Carnality, on the other hand, is a focus on self—one’s needs and desires. Societal rules rarely touch on the idea of self except where one’s selfishness, such as going on a killing spree, interferes with other people. But the very structure of Christianity is based on the relinquishment and death of self.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Matthew 16:25 NIV

For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 2 Corinthians 4:11 NIV

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 NIV

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 1 Peter 4:1, 2 NIV

Am I as horrified by self-focused behaviour and thought as I am about man's or God’s laws being broken? Do I, in the depths of me, consider pride and greed as evil as rape and murder? I don’t think I’m there yet. Nor, in my observation, are most of those who call themselves Christian. Somehow we seem to adopt societal mores and rules more than we do what Jesus had to say. No wonder our divorce rates are as high as non-Christians! No wonder it’s often hard to distinguish us from everyone else! Our talk may be different but our lives aren’t. We do what everyone else does and see nothing wrong with it. How we must grieve our Father!

“God gives us a deeper horror of carnality than ever we had of immorality.” If I’m not horrified at my own self-focus, at doing what seems best for me, at looking out for my own needs, rights and desires, have I really allowed God into my life? Am I willing to give up my rights, my comforts, my life? Am I willing to obey God, even when it hurts or seems foolish?

God, I ask that you give me a deep horror of my self-focused ways of living, a horror of placing my needs, wants, rights, desires, life above your need and desires for me. I want your will, your ways, your purposes, you, to be what I give my life to every second, every hour, every day. Continue to change me, work in me, use me and root out my stubborn selfishness. Thank you.

* Chambers, Oswald. “Heart: The Radical Region of Life: The Radiator of Personal Life” in “Biblical Psychology” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers p. 171
² http://celestiniosity.com/2006/09/14/being-an-atheist-doesnt-mean-you-are-immoral/
³ http://www3.calvarychapel.com/hope/library/stauffer-claude/studies-books/46-1CO/files_pdf/46-1CO-001-001.pdf