Lost and Found

My son Konrad and his girlfriend Bena are cool. They produced the video below with the following comments:

Scrambled together in two days, filming this video with my girlfriend was one of the most humbling and rewarding experiences of our lives. We aproached people on the street and asked if they wanted to get involved with our project. It completely changed our perspective on the homeless, how down to earth and sincere these people are.

It was a rewarding experience for them as well. They showed how they related to the lyrics. And Frank, the one who wrote "Found?" (he forgot what a questionmark looked like), put his long dormant musical and literal skills to practice.
Thankyou so much, Charlie, Baby, Frank, Jeremiah, and steve-o

The Ring

She stepped into the dark of an early winter evening, bone-weary despite an hour sitting with her meal and homework. If she hurried, she’d make it to class in time.

“Please, ma’am!” A woman stepped from the shadows, white ice skates hanging from her hand by the laces.

She was no stranger to needy ones on the street, but wasn’t often in this neighbourhood. She looked up and waited.

“Someone broke into my apartment this morning and took everything.” The woman held up the skates. “I’m trying to sell these because I need the money.” Opening her other hand to reveal an ipod and ring, she said how much she bought them for, adding, “I only want $40 for the three. It’s a really good deal.”

Yes, it was certainly a bargain, though chances were that the woman was pawning stolen goods. She shook her head to decline the offer.

“My father was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. He’s in the hospital and I want to get to him before he dies. I haven’t eaten today. Could you please help me?”

Wary of a scam, she noticed a half-dried tear on the woman’s cheek. Weighing her choices, she heard the One say, “This one needs you.”

With a slight nod, she reached into her bag and pulled out five dollars. “I don’t want to buy anything, but I’ll give you this. Can I pray for you?”

The woman nodded.

Putting her hand on the woman’s shoulder, she began to entreat the One for help—about the woman’s stolen possessions, her need for food and money, for her father’s health. When she asked the One for joy in her life, the woman burst into tears. The emotion was real. “Would you like a hug?”

The woman nodded. “I gave my life to Jesus. I’ve been clean from drugs for more than a year.”

“Wow! Congratulations! Good for you!” She thought of the woman’s need and her very sick father in the hospital. “How much is the bus fare?” City Transit would not make change, but she knew she had enough coins she could give the woman.

“I need another six dollars.”

“What hospital is your father in?” Clearly it wasn’t in the city.

The woman named a town several hours away. “The bus comes in half an hour. Could you give me the six dollars I need?”

She shook her head. Five dollars was far more than she would normally give a stranger on the street. Someone else would have to provide the rest. The One gave her a nudge. “I could give you a ride to the bus station.”

“I can walk. It’s not that far away.”

“True, but I’m going that way and you don’t want to miss your bus.”

They walked to the car and continued to talk as she drove. The woman again asked for six dollars, counting out what she had. “I could pay you back if you gave me your address. I would send it to you tomorrow. My parents have the money.”

The One spoke to her again, but she kept silent.

“I’m going to have to get another Bible. Those who broke in destroyed mine.”

“I have a Bible I can give you. If you let me know when you are back in the city, I could give it to you then.”

The woman brightened. “Maybe we could go to a Bible study together?”

“Perhaps. My church has many street people.”

They pulled into the bus station and she spoke out what the One had whispered earlier. “I have an idea. Why don’t you give me back the five dollars I gave you, and I’ll give you twenty dollars.” Her hand was already in her bag, searching. “This will cover the rest of your ticket and give you a bit to buy a meal. I will give you my address, but I don’t want you to pay me back. Let me know when you are back in the city and I’ll give you a Bible.”

The woman’s eyes pooled with tears. “Would you pick me up and take me to church?”

“Of course! Just let me know when you’re back in town.”

The woman reached over to hug her and then pulled something from her pocket. “Here! I want you to have this.” The woman held out the ring.

She paused with indecision. Respect must always be given, but was it right to take the gift? What if it was stolen goods? The One whispered again and she replied, “Okay. If it fits, I will keep it.”

The fit was perfect and she gave her thanks. The woman once again hugged her, opened the door and got out.

“God be with you,” she said.

“Thank you,” the woman replied, then closed the door and walked into the building.

She drove away, jockeying with two taxis for the exit. She was late for her class but she didn’t care. She heard the One again, “Whatever you do for one of the least of these, you do for me.” It was enough.


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A Lost Boy Found

I was sitting here in my prayer room, asking God what he wanted to show me this morning. I often write something in response to my daily reading of Oswald Chambers but today nothing from my reading jumped out at me, so I turned to "Prayer #3: Acts 2:17" on the Dwayne Roberts CD "Apostolic Prayers 2: Let us Pray," and sat in quiet meditation, listening for what God might want to tell me.

As often happens, it was difficult to keep my mind still and I kept looking up at the world map on the wall in front of me. A family from my church congregation is currently living in Kathmandu, Nepal and the husband of that family left yesterday with one of the Vineyard pastors to go to Gadlang, Nepal, high up in the Himalayas--an eight-hour drive over narrow, bumpy, winding (probably very scary) roads, followed by a three hour hike--all uphill (up mountain?). He needs prayer because he's not well.

After my time of distracted meditation, I googled for what I could find about the village of Gadlang and came across a couple of heart-wrenching stories. I want to share the story of Hari Magar, a boy who ran away from home when he was five years old because of the beatings from his step-father. For the next five years, he lived on the streets, arrested and thrown into jail six different times. One day a woman offered him some food. At first he refused, thinking it a trick but eventually he began coming daily to the church to be fed.

He finally became bold enough to approach the head pastor and ask if he could live permanently at the church compound. "Seven years on, Hari is a beaming, handsome, polite, generous guy, immensely musically talented, and doing well at school." He has forgiven his parents for their abuse and visits them monthly with the hope that they will also choose to follow God. You can read more of Hari's story here.

There are far too many children in this world whose lives are as Hari's once was. Where is the mercy? Where is the justice? It is there when people like Noel Isaacs (the pastor who provided Hari with a place to live, not knowing how the church could afford it) say, "I can't help all of them but I can help one." Today the Kathmandu Vineyard church houses, feeds, clothes and educates many former street kids and more have been adopted into people's homes.

Have I said yet that I love this church I've decided to call home? The Kathmandu Vineyard and 13 other church plants in Nepal are our sister churches and they are as much a part of our congregation as those of us who live in Winnipeg. I feel richer in spirit, connected to that not-so-small body of believers in the tiny country high in the Himalayas. I'm so grateful that we partner with them to help children like Hari and so many others.

Jesus, you came to set the captives free. You welcomed children and said that the kingdom is made of such as these. There are so many who need your freedom and your kingdom. Oh Lord, have mercy!

Why Not Us?

...life is not as idle ore
But iron dug from central gloom
And heated hot with burning fears,
And dipt in baths of hissing tears,
And batter'd with the shock of doom
To shape and use.
--Tennyson*

Christianity is based on heroism and manifested in martyrdom; and the preparation for being a Christian is drastic, definite and destructive. --Oswald Chambers**

Jesus said, "You must be born again." That's pretty drastic. He told his disciples that they must die if they wanted to live. That's very destructive. Peter told the churches that they would have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials so their faith could be proved genuine. There have been many heroes of the faith and many martyrs. Peter also admonishes us: "Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you."

The Christian life is not an easy one. We in North America haven't experienced this truth for the most part. Our lives are easy. We don't need to continually gather wood for heat, light and cooking; we flick a switch or turn a dial. We don't need to grind our own grain before or bake our own bread; we have stores. Water is available with the flick of a wrist, transportation is ubiquitous, knowledge, entertainment and most every desire is easily found and met.

So, it seems, with our spiritual lives. We plug into church once or twice a week, listen to good sermons on the radio, watch any number of TV evangelists, read a few Bible verses now and again, pray before meals and give mental assent to Jesus, believing we've done what's needed. We do everything we can to run from pain and discomfort and are convinced that neither are part of the blessed life. God wants us to be happy, doesn't he? Surely the bad things happening to us have their source in evil! Does he? Do they?

Gold and silver can be found in the ground if one knows where to look. So can diamonds, oil and iron. But gold and silver must be heated over fire and moulded into various shapes before we can use them. Diamonds must be cut, ground and polished before we enjoy them. Oil is put through rigorous refinement before we will put it in our machinery and iron is heated, pounded, twisted, reheated and cooled before it is useful. Why not us?



*As quoted by Oswald Chambers in "Christian Disciplines, Volume 2" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, page 320.
**"Christian Disciplines, Volume 2" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 320-321.

Loneliness

After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.... Matthew 14:23 NIV

Solitude with God repairs the damage done by the fret and noise and clamour of the world. –Oswald Chambers*

We think of loneliness as something to avoid. It’s undesirable and fought against and yet this is the word Oswald Chambers chooses to use to describe one of the Christian disciplines. I think of loneliness as being more than alone—it’s that state where one feels bereft of companionship. Richard Foster in Celebration of Disciplines calls it solitude.

Chambers writes:

The friendship of a soul who walks alone with God is as abiding as God Himself, and, in degree, as terrible.... A friend whose contact and whose memory does not make us ever do our best is one in name only. Friendship to a soul undisciplined by loneliness is a precarious sea.*

“Loneliness marks the child of God,”* he says and calls shallowness a disaster. Is there a correlation between depth of spirit and character and being alone?

"The child of God who walks alone with Him is not dependent on places and moods...."* I must admit that I have been very dependent on situations and moods; when they are good, I feel good and when they’re bad, I feel awful. But living like that is like being a yoyo on the end of a string. It brings no peace and leaves me at the mercy of the capricious whims of those around me. No wonder I’ve spent much of my life blaming others for the pain that I feel.

This has begun to change. The excruciating pain of walking away from Pearl, she who made me feel so wanted, loved, desirable and adored, and the enormous hurt from several close friends who chose to abruptly cut me out of their lives has forced me to God. I have been learning the truth of the psalmist’s declaration: "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." Psalm 73:25 NIV

Chambers writes: "The discipline of [the entirely sanctified] life consists of Suffering, Loneliness, Patience and Prayer."* Is this easy? No. Is it rewarding? Infinitely. God uses suffering and loneliness (the latter often causing the former) to draw us to him. As we endure, choosing God over other ways to ameliorate pain, we spend more time in prayer and learn the patience of waiting on God for him to fix things his way.

These days, I love my times with God and the place I’ve created to be alone with him. I didn’t always. I remember when I thought ten minutes in prayer was eight minutes too long and reading a single chapter of the Bible a day a huge accomplishment. Today I am grateful for the pain and loneliness God brought me. My life and relationship with God is richer and deeper because of it.

Lord, it hurt so much to lose those I loved but you have turned the coal to diamond, exchanged the mourning for gladness and replaced the pain with healing. Thank you for your mercy and grace and for caring enough to draw me closer to you.



*“Christian Disciplines, Volume 2” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, pages 318, 319

Excerpt from Searching for Love

I didn’t discover how alluring, enticing and attractive women were to me until I was a young woman in a difficult and painful marriage. I wasn’t prepared to act on my desires because, for one, I didn’t know how to find others like myself and, for another, I was far too afraid to make the first move. When, a few years later, I returned to the God I had loved growing up, I tried to shove my desires and fantasies aside but often, when I was alone and unhappy, I embraced the comfort they gave.

For two decades I lived like this, the burden of my secret weighing heavily. I persevered in my marriage, stayed home to raise our children and was very involved in church. I wanted freedom from the power my thoughts had over me but, no matter how much I determined to ignore them, they towered over me, threatening to consume.

There was never any particular person in mind. The women were nameless and faceless until an online friend, lonely like me, who freely told me how much she appreciated my friendship, became the object of my desire. I was shocked, scared and horrified. What did this mean? Who was I? What was I?

Sorrowful that I had dishonoured God in this way, there was part of me that wanted more. I had wakened a dozing dragon that I longed to both ride through the skies and stab through the heart. Which would I choose—to pursue the desires that now gnawed at me, clamouring to be loosed, refusing to be ignored and begging to be given full reign or God, who demands obedience, faithfulness and purity?

Because of a series of events, I found myself confessing to the Christian Internet community to which my friend and I belonged. I expected anger, righteous indignation and ostracization and, while some of that happened, the love, acceptance and appreciation of the courage it took to speak up, blew me away. It was this outpouring of love, the encouragement and the coming alongside in support, which enabled me to choose God.

Choosing God, however, does not guarantee that all temptation will cease or be resisted. On the contrary, it often multiplies. Nor does choosing God result in immediate and sustained joy. For me, the decision was merely the first step on a switch-backed road up a steep mountain.

Yet God has been good. He kept me surrounded by those who lovingly brought me back to the road when I wandered, who shone the light ahead of me when it was too dark for me to see and who, by their example, showed that obedience is not only possible, it is replete with joy, blessing and fulfillment. Walking with Jesus is an adventure. No other lover can compare. He calls the Church his bride and, in the role of Besotted Groom, he woos us, loves us and continues to pursue us even when we rebelliously turn our back on him. Who can compare? Why would anyone want anything or anyone else? I am grateful he waited patiently for me and that he continues to be patient as I continue the journey.

Perhaps you are someone who is struggling with choice. You want to follow God but you don’t know how. You may be someone who knows very little about Christianity or you may have been a Christian all your life, hiding your secret sin in fear that, if others knew, you’d be rejected and castigated. I want to encourage you to know that your past doesn’t matter to God. He accepts each of us as we are. He is the Changer, the Renewer, the Miracle Worker, not us.

Searching for Love is the story of how God has done this for me. It is the story of facing same-sex attraction, wanting to deal with it in a God-honouring way and the tensions that result. It is more than that. What I hope to do is emphasise God’s grace and mercy and the awesome ways he has been present, changing me. I realize it seems like a vicious, never-ending cycle. I fall, God picks me up. I fall, God picks me up. What kind of story is that? Shouldn’t it be that, once God comes into a person’s life, the line that depicts the graph of their spiritual journey becomes a straight, smooth incline? My journey has been anything but smooth and straight. It has been more like the graph of the stock market over the past 90 years—up and down, up and down in repetitiously jagged lines. However, if you look closely, and all financial people are eager to point this out to their clients, the base line is gradually rising. Even though, in the short term, it looks like there is no progress, there really is great improvement. This describes my journey and one of the things I want people to realize. Far too many get discouraged because once again, despite all their efforts to the contrary, they fall. How often can one come back to God and ask forgiveness? How long before his tolerance runs out? Most people give up in despair, say it is impossible to live a holy life and stop trying. I want to give hope. I want to show, through my life, that there is hope; that God is full of immeasurable, unending love, compassion and grace.

The temptation is to give up, but we can allow God to use our experiences to change us and to grow us into the people he wants us to be, one fall, one victory at a time. We don’t need to stay defeated. This is what I hope my story will show.

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Swallowed by the Cross

As I finished writing the last post, I sat, bathed in the light of God's love, basking. I remembered the picture God showed me two weeks ago of him pulling me inside of himself so that I was completely covered by him like a hand in a glove and repictured it--completely enwrapped by my invisible God here in my chair. I thought back through the years that have passed since the scene in the story where I learned my father died. All that time, God has been a sheath of protection over me. Even when I wasn't following him he was there.

I opened my eyes and suddenly saw the cross on my wall in a new light. The black cross is me and the white cross is Jesus, enveloping me with his presence and light. A beautiful confirmation for me. This is real. I truly am encompassed by this God and Saviour who loves me so much.

Thank you, Jesus!

“I will never stop doing good to them.”

There are so many nuggets of goodness in the Bible. Well, okay, the whole of the Bible is good, but there are pieces that stand out more than others.

Many people think that the God of the Old Testament is an angry, judgemental God and that in the New Testament he became gentle and loving. For this reason, many avoid reading the Old Testament and completely miss his hungering love for his people.

The book of Jeremiah, for instance, is full of God’s expressions of love. Yes, there is anger, but it becomes evident very quickly that his love and passion for his people far exceeds his anger. Consider this:

…this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I will surely gather them from all the lands where I banish them in my furious anger and great wrath; I will bring them back to this place and let them live in safety. They will be my people, and I will be their God…. I will never stop doing good to them…. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul…. As I have brought all this great calamity on this people, so I will give them all the prosperity I have promised them. (Jeremiah 32:37-42 NIV)

Babylon is at the gates of Jerusalem, holding siege over the jewel of Judah. God has sent the army of Nebuchadnezzar to fulfill the curse he had promised to his people through Moses, centuries earlier, if they turned their backs on him. For generations they have done all he told them not to and in his patience he waited but now the time has come. The boom has been lowered. The end is near. God is sending his chosen people into captivity. He has good and just reasons for his “furious anger and great wrath” and is exercising his authority.

You’d think that an angry God would abandon such insolent people, wipe the dirt off his hands and start again. In fact, many believe he did just that through Christianity, but he didn’t. Reread the words of his love above: “I will bring them back.” “I will let them live in safety.” “They will be my people.” “I will be their God.” “I will never stop doing good to them.” “I will rejoice in doing them good.” “I will give them prosperity.”

God’s love for his people never stopped. In the midst of their punishment, he is promising them goodness. Our God is a God of love. He always has been and always will be.

Father, thank you for your love. Thank you that it never ends, regardless of how reprobate we become or have been.

Symphonising with God

Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven for where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:19, 20 NIV

When you gather with others to pray, what happens? For most of my life, a prayer meeting consisted of people listing things that were needed such as “Heal my great-uncle Joe’s friend of cancer.” The requests were often impersonal, focusing on people not present or, for health/work/family concerns. People took turns praying for what had been listed at the beginning of the gathering and there was a dry boringness about the whole affair*. Perhaps you’ve experienced prayer meetings like this.

A year or two ago, I visited New Life Foursquare Church in Grand Forks. In the midst of the Sunday morning service, the congregation was invited to divide up into small groups of four or so and pray with each other for each other. This was not an opportunity to bring up the needs of one's neighbour's cousin's daughter's broken leg, but a chance to share real and personal needs of the people in the group. What a way to foster community and intimacy! They did this weekly, and I saw a closeness to each other in the congregation and a naked closeness to God. This is not a church where people wear a façade to show how spiritual they are. It is a place where people are real, welcoming transparency and honesty, and it shows. What a blessing that visit was!

At the beginning of 2008, I began attending Winnipeg Centre Vineyard. I had intended to sit back for several months and watch to see if this was a place I could call home but I ended that waiting much sooner than expected during a week of prayer the church had organized.

The only agenda was to sit and wait on God to show and tell us what he desired. Songs of worship were used to bring us into an atmosphere of prayer but were easily interrupted when someone had something to say. Perhaps it was a direct prayer to God. Sometimes it was the reading of a passage from Scripture. Other times someone described a picture that had just come to them or related a dream that seemed relevant to the church. This would prompt others to add to what was said and often a common thread began to emerge, which we then took back to God for his counsel.

The prayer meetings weren’t for a handful of old ladies with nothing better to do, but attracted a good-sized crowd, including the young, twenty-somethings. Each evening the prayer was vibrant and real—conversations with God that involved everyone willing to speak (and many silent prayers as well). Each evening flew by and we had to be reminded that it was time to end. That time always came far too early.

Since then I’ve discovered many other opportunities to meet together for prayer and have been blessed each time. This is definitely the church for me.

My reading of Oswald Chambers this morning centred around public prayer. I smiled at the following:

It is far from right to agree beforehand over what we want, and then go to God and wait, not until He gives us His mind about the matter, but until we extort from Him permission to do what we had made up our minds to do before we prayed; we should rather agree to ask God to convey His mind and meaning to us in regard to the matter. Agreement in purpose on earth is not a public presentation of persistent begging which knows no limit, but a…"symphonising" on earth with our Father Who is in heaven.**

I like that and I’m so grateful to have found a congregation that does just what Chambers suggested over 90 years ago.

Father, thank you for giving us the privilege to come before you and pray. Thank you for all you have been teaching me about prayer and how to connect with you. What a blessing you are, and what a blessing your praying children!


*Let me make it clear that I believe it is important to bring the needs of those we know and love to God and to do that in community. I am very grateful, however, to have learned new ways to interact with God together with other believers.

**"Christian Disciplines, Volume 2" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers , page 313

"Please Help Me!"

I've been going through some old mail and came across a couple of e-mails between me and a woman who had read my story online. In her late thirties, she had fallen in love with a close friend and didn't know what to do with the feelings she was experiencing. She wrote that she loves Jesus and wants to serve him, but her feelings were so consuming her, they were pushing her away from God. "Please help me!" she begged.

Here is how I answered her (I've changed her name):

Hi Andrea! I'm glad my story touched you. I know God can help you just as He helped me. Our God is a gracious God who loves His children--even those of us who are or have been wayward. The truth is that we are all wayward in one way or another.

I was really encouraged a few days ago as I was once again reading in Luke. Simon Peter, one of Jesus' disciples, had been the first to say that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of God. And yet Jesus said to him, "Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

Jesus was praying for Peter, that his faith wouldn't fail and yet He knew it would. But, " …when you have turned back...." We have that option! We can turn back!

Paul was talking to the Corinthian church when he began listing all sorts of sinners and then he said, " And that is what some of you WERE…." (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) There is freedom! There is a way out! We don't have to give in to our lusts and passions. God can change us—our behaviour and our thoughts. There were people in the Corinthian church who had been like you and me and God changed them. That was no longer who they were.

It is so easy for a close friend to turn into the object of romance and sex. There is a closeness that cries for more. Sex is the ultimate expression of closeness. But God has told us that that degree of closeness is to be only for our spouse. So what does one do? We really need to guard how close we allow ourselves to get to others.

The only way I could deal with my passion and desire for Pearl was to walk away and end our friendship. It felt like I was dying. I have never felt such intense pain. Jesus said that to gain our lives we have to lose them. I think this is part of what He means. Choosing Him means death.

But even more, it means life! Nothing can compare to being filled with and surrounded by God's presence. The only way for you to come back to God is to make a decision to choose Him over your friend, your passions and your needs. When we do this we leave room for Him to begin filling us. I make it sound like it's something we can do. But we can't, as you've discovered. It's impossible. Our desires, passions, needs and hungers scream to be met and we haven't the strength.

So that's the second part of coming back to God. We put our focus on HIM, not our struggle. God loves you, Andrea. You know that in your head. So did I. But my heart didn't know it. I have spent the last six years pursuing that love, trying to grab hold of it, to know it with my heart and my whole being. I know that if we could really understand and KNOW that love of His, nothing else would attract us.

Start reading your Bible looking for evidence of God's love for you. Do a search to find all the passages that tell of His love. Write them out. Carry them with you. Soak yourself in them. Use your imagination to put yourself into those passages of God's love. Pray and beg Him to help you know His love in a way you've never known before. Pursue God and let Him fill every part of your day. Let Him be the one you are closest to.

Will this be easy? No. Will your thoughts always be pure? No. But keep turning back to God. Proverbs 24:16 says, "…for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity." The righteous fall. Peter fell! So did David and Moses and pretty near every hero of the Bible. What makes the difference between the righteous and the wicked? The righteous keep getting up and turning back to God.

I encourage you to do this. Don't wait until you've conquered your thoughts and put them under your control. You can't do this on your own. You need God to help you, and He's waiting to do just that.

I am praying for you, Andrea. Thank you for writing.

(Originally written in September, 2007)

As We Once Treated our Heavenly Father

We are delivered from sin that we might actually live as saints amongst men who treat us as we once treated our Heavenly Father. --Oswald Chambers*

How do I treat non-believers? How do I treat those demanding gay rights and marriages? How do I think about vile murderers and rapists? What is my response to drug lords and gang leaders? What do I do with my irritating neighbour who spreads malicious words about me? How did I treat God when I was walking apart from him? How did he treat me? He gave me nothing but mercy and grace.

Lord, I have never deserved your mercy and grace, and yet you gave them anyway. Help me walk among others with grace and mercy, even when they don't deserve it. So be it.



*"Christian Disciplines, Volume 2" in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, page 310

Shadow of a Mighty Rock

See, a king will reign in righteousness and rulers will rule with justice. Each man will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land. Isaiah 32:1, 2 NIV

Oswald Chambers quotes* Scottish Old Testament scholar, George Adam Smith (1856-1942), who tells of an interesting observation he made while in the desert. Plants often spring up, especially in areas near oases and rivers, but they don’t last. Why not? The wind shifts the sand, cutting plant life short. If, however, you put a rock in such places, after time, a veritable garden will flourish on its leeward side. What makes the difference? The rock stops the wind from disturbing the sand, and plants have a chance to thrive.

The passage above is messianic. Jesus is the king who will reign in righteousness. He is the rock in a weary land to which we can escape. He is our protector and stabilizer who produces a sanctuary from shifting social values so we can flourish while living in his shadow.

I don’t know about you, but I find it easy to be deceived by our culture. Yes, there are some very obvious differences in values between what is promoted in our media and what we read in the Bible but some differences are difficult to distinguish. The reasoning of our culture can make a lot of sense, even when it’s wrong, but if we plant ourselves close to Jesus, we can know his never-changing truths and grow in the protection of his shadow.

Jesus, please keep me in your shadow, where I am safe from the winds that come to destroy me and my relationship with you. I want to flourish instead of being blown over and covered by sand. So be it.



*Oswald Chambers, “Christian Disciplines, Volume 2” in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, page 306.

It's Amost Ready to Sell!

God Versus the Marketplace

Last night, Tom and I attended “Dinner with a Theme,” at the Golden Terrace Restaurant in Chinatown sponsored by the Winnipeg Chinese Christian Business and Professional Association and organized by Tom’s childhood friend, Clement Yeung. This is a semi-annual event in Winnipeg, but the first time we’ve attended. The event’s slogan is “Everything is in English except the food.” There was a fairly even mix of Chinese and Caucasians, with a few Filipino’s as well and the food was awesome.

Cathy and Winston Smith, owners of Hull’s Christian Bookstore—a fixture in downtown Winnipeg since 1919—were the keynote speakers, but John Maltman and Clara Au also spoke: Clara about her recent short term mission trip to China and John about his work in the Ukraine, trying to bring Jesus to a business world where treachery is honoured, jobs are given to those with the right connections instead of ability and at least some business leaders belong to the mafia. “What do you do when the Word of God collides with everyday life?” John asked.

Winston asked a relevant question, “As Christians, how should we distinguish ourselves in the marketplace or workplace?” His answer? “Seize any opportunity to be Christ’s ambassador to others,” not just in telling about Jesus but in acting on his behalf with truth, compassion, fortitude, faithfulness and more. Cathy spoke about dualism, which she defined as living two separate lives, where the spiritual is of highest value and the secular mundane. Too many Christians live like this, she said, but the divide is not biblical.

Clement followed with some thoughts of his own. He told the story of how he referred one of his patients to a cardiologist and added that the cardiologist always prays with his patients before surgery. The patient responded, “But is he a good cardiologist?” As the patient prepares for the knife, what matters most is the competence of the one who wields it. We are ambassadors for Christ. If we want to be good ambassadors, we must be competent at what we do. Our spirituality must be part of all we do. “We don’t believe in dualism but we believe in dual citizenship,” he declared. “Only those who are heavenly-minded are of any earthly good.” As John said, “The great things of destiny are made from the simple things”—one truth, one kind act, one forgiveness at a time.

Enveloped

She stands between past and future. Will the past repeat? She prays not.

Three watch in a huddle. "She's in a painful place."

"We will show her truth."

"Look! She's a child, running up the back steps with glee. She's had a good day."

"Yes, she has, but that will change as she opens the door."

The child stops, one step inside. Her mother sobs on the couch with a friend.

Without a word, she knows. Her father died.

"How could she know that? He didn't live with them, he wasn't sick and there was nothing wrong."

"I told her."

"Her spirit is heavy."

"She believes she must now care for her mother."

"She's too small! It's not right! She can't do that!"

"It's time to show her."

She who stands between past and present watches the child. "Where were you, God?"

"I was with you, Child. Look closely."

"I see the faint outline of your invisible form behind me, your arms wrapped behind me."

"Do you hear what I am whispering in your ear?"

"You want me to be me."

"Yes."

"Who is 'me'? Who was I then? Who am I now?"

"Watch!"

She who stands between past and future watches as the One Without Form pulls the child deep into his embrace until all of her is envelopped by all of him, arm for arm, leg for leg.

"You are who I made you to be. You are in me, hidden in my presence. I am your Protector, your Shield, your Fortress."

"I used to hide a lot. Sometimes I still do."

"I have been with you in all the scary places."

"I've always thought I'm no good."

"You wanted to be perfect. There is only One who is."

The scene shifts. She who stands sees through a garage roof.

"That's my father lying on the floor!"

"Yes."

"He's so helpless, so dead!"

"Yes."

"He was supposed to protect me. He couldn't even protect himself."

"It's okay to cry. I keep every tear."

She who stands between past and future gazes at the figure, still and dead on the floor, and mourns. She looks at the child in the doorway, ensheathed by the One Who Has No Form, and understands. She cannot make it right--not for father, not for sister, not for son--but she has never been alone.



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For God so Loved Himself that He Protected Himself from Harm

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NIV

The title is a false statement but substitute my name for God’s and it would become true. If I’m living in a self-protective manner, am I living in love? God’s kind of loving is giving—giving so much it cost him everything. I would like to say that’s true of me too, but it isn’t. I’ve created so many self-protective devices that I've built thick barriers between my husband and me. Do I even know how to love?

I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. What an incredible story! And with so much meat! It’s given me a lot to think about, especially about love, independence, control and self-protection (others may not see this at all in the book and be “hit” by something completely different).

How do we decide whether something is good or evil? For many of us, that which causes pain and discomfort is evil and that which feels nice is good.

“[We] spend most of [our] time and energy trying to acquire what [we] have determined to be good...and [we] spend a huge amount of energy and worry fearing what [we’ve] determined to be evil.... It allows [us] to play God in [our] independence.”(page 135)*

Independence. We seek independence not only from God but from each other. I know I’ve lived most, if not all, of my life trying to be independent of others in so many ways. Relying on others has caused me too much pain and so I’ve built barriers.

“Rights are where survivors go, so that they won’t have to work out relationships.... [Jesus] gave up everything, so that by his dependent life he opened a door that would allow you to live free enough to give up your rights.” (p. 137)*

Free enough to give up my rights? Do I want to give them up? I do want my various relationships to work, especially my marriage. But how hard I’ve fought for my rights! Give them up? I’m not sure I can.

“...do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me [God] there with you? ...It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can’t.” (p. 142)*

Control. I was writing about that not too long ago. God was showing me that the way to let go of control is by serving, by giving. Here, in The Shack, he’s saying the same thing.

“...your independence with its quest for...fulfillment actually destroys the relationship your heart longs for.” (p. 148)*

It does? Have I been trying to solve a puzzle by throwing all the pieces to the wind? Have I been destroying the very thing I’ve been trying to grasp?

In the story, God asks the protagonist, Mack, “’Which three of your five children will you sentence to hell?’” The question is ludicrous! “How could God ask him to choose among his own children?”

As he argues with God, declaring he cannot do this, he comes up with a solution:

“Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I’ll go in their place.”

God replies:

“Now you sound like Jesus. ...You have judged them worthy of love, even if it cost you everything.” (p. 163)

This is love! It costs everything I have, including my attempts at control and self-protection. Can I love like this? I’m not sure I can.

“Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it’s a dark place, isn’t it? ...are you willing to give up the power and safety it promises you?

“Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate [control] others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are the justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies.”

“But, the reason I didn’t tell Nan...was because it would have caused her so much hurt.”

“...the real reason you did not tell Nan...is that you were afraid of having to deal with the emotions you might encounter, both from her and in yourself.... You lied to protect yourself, not her! ...such a lie is unloving. In the name of caring about her, your lie became an inhibitor in your relationship with her, and in her relationship with me [God].” (p. 187, 188)*

What struck me from this interchange is that Mack did not say anything untrue to his wife. He merely withheld information. I do that. I’ve done so many things to inhibit my relationship with Tom. I’ve found justification for doing so, but truly, I’ve put myself in a fortress where I feel safe. I’ve stood at the top window of the tower, looking at Tom down below and faulted him for not connecting with me in the way I want and need. How can he? I’ve shut him out!

“So, what do I do now?”

“You tell her, Mackenzie.... Take the risks of honesty. When you mess up again, ask for forgiveness again. It’s a process....” (p. 188)*

Lord, I want to love the way you love. I want the fruit of love, but I don’t know if I can do this.

“Take the risks.”

Yes, but that’s scary! What if I get hurt? What if others get hurt? And yet I must, mustn’t I? I need to be open and honest with Tom. I need to tear down the thick fortress I’ve built and root out all the control I attempt to exert. I need to learn to give in service, even if it costs me everything, because this is love. I can’t do this without you, God, please help me! So be it.

*All non-biblical quotes are from The Shack by William P. Young.