Skip to main content

Struggles and Strongholds

I've been exploring new blogs and found one with two thought-provoking questions:

My biggest struggle/stronghold is _____________.
My biggest struggle these days is about how I relate to my husband, Tom. I used to think he was the reason for all our problems but I'm beginning to see that at least some (and perhaps many) of the barriers between us have been built by me. I have a big attitude problem and I think the root of it is fear. Not all fear is justified. A lot of it comes out of experiences that have nothing to do with the present.

How would my life look if I no longer struggled with _______? What if I was completely free from ______ through Christ’s power… *Try to give some very specific ways your life would be different if you no longer struggled with your above named stronghold*
So, what would my life be like if I could relate to him in healthier ways? If I could banish the fear and bad attitude? The thought merits scrutiny.

Well, I'd be freer to be me. We'd be closer to each other. We'd probably laugh more, do more things together. We could be an awesome team if I was able to give up my fear, bad attitude and negative ways of relating. We're like two cogs, shaped and designed for each other and yet continually out of gear. An attitude change on my part could do a lot for the relationship.

But I'm scared. Terrified! I remind myself that perfect love has no fear. I obviously don't have perfect love. I remind myself that I've faced my fears in many other situations and have overcome them, so why not here? I also remind myself that God can protect me from all that I fear and if he doesn't, he is there with me, walking me through whatever pain might arise.

I know these truths but there's a broken connection between the believing and the doing. I know I can't fix that connection; at least not by myself. It's going to require God's intervention. My awareness of my difficulty in this is a first step--one that I wouldn't have been able to take a few years ago, maybe even one year ago. So God is changing me. Now, if I can only keep my ears and eyes open for each step he wants to lead me through and trust that he knows what he's doing--something my mind can accept a lot quicker than my heart.

Change my heart oh God!
Make it ever true!
Change my heart oh God,
May I be like you.

You are the Potter, I am the clay.
Mould me and make me,
This is what I pray.

Change my heart oh God,
Make it ever true!
Change my heart oh God,
May I be like you.


Toknowhim said…
Wow, you did such an awesome job answering this question... You really gave it a lot of thought about how your life could be different.

This is so crazy because so far I can relate to all the answers given by the other ladies. I have been where you are sweet friend. I used to blame everything on my husband, and then the Lord woke me up one day by asking me to look in the mirror and see the many things that I needed to work on. I didn't do that right away, but once I did I saw so many things that I needed to work on...right out sin... My relationship with my husband has changed dramatically, and although I am far from where I need to be I believe I can be considered a submissive wife (although this week I have not been at all...I need to take this to the Lord).

I think you are on to something with fear lying at the root of this issue... I was absolutely afraid to be submissive to my husband out of fear of what the consequences would be of his decisions... As you stated we eventually have to turn this over to the Lord.

Thank you so much for sharing today, and feel free to stop over at my personal blog anytime..

Toknowhim said…
You are fine with the Mr. Linky... you signed your name, and now when someone clicks on your name from the Mr. Linky they will get directed to your site and this post... Originally today, the Mr. Linky was from two weeks ago, but it is up and running fine now..
Thanks for your comments, Kim. This isn't about submission at all but about general relating.

Thanks for reassuring me about Mr. Linky and explaining a bit of what it is. I'll be heading over to your blog shortly. Thanks for stopping by.
Abby Ang said…
That's always something my heart can't grasp very quickly at all.... your post was lovely. Thanks for visiting... and God bless!!!
Denise said…
Thanks for sharing, bless you.

Popular posts from this blog

About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …