It’s hard to love God because loving him means yielding to him and often we don’t want to yield. We want to make our own decisions, make our own way in life, find our own solutions for our pain. Sometimes it seems like loving God simply increases the pain. As for being god, that is heady stuff. I was god to Pearl and it felt so good, so affirming. When I was with her, all felt good and right. But had I continued down that road, all those good feelings would have vanished and the resultant pain far worse than it ever had been. If I am god, I can control my destiny—or at least feel like I am—and part of me wants that. It feels safer.
- Power offers an easy substitute for the hard work of love.
- It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.
- The temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is a threat. Much Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead.
Love requires giving to the loved one. With God, he’s not satisfied with just part of us, but all of us and that seems to be too much to give. So we avoid love and increase our power—not only over our own destinies but over that of others as well.
Where do I stand in the continuum between love and power? I think I crave power and find it difficult to love—especially those who seem unlovable to me, or whose needs are greater than what I am willing to give. I want to serve my own needs. I’m afraid that if I don’t, no one else will. And yet, I’m not afraid of intimacy. I yearn for it and seek it.
God, please help me with this. I want to be willing to choose love over power. Help me loosen my grip on the “need” to control.
In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. Quotes from pages 73-79.