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Hard to Love God

"Why do you think it’s sometimes hard for us to love God?” asks the study guide of a book by Henri Nouwen I've been slowly pondering through. Nouwen makes the following statements:

  1. Power offers an easy substitute for the hard work of love.
  2. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.
  3. The temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is a threat. Much Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead.
It’s hard to love God because loving him means yielding to him and often we don’t want to yield. We want to make our own decisions, make our own way in life, find our own solutions for our pain. Sometimes it seems like loving God simply increases the pain. As for being god, that is heady stuff. I was god to Pearl and it felt so good, so affirming. When I was with her, all felt good and right. But had I continued down that road, all those good feelings would have vanished and the resultant pain far worse than it ever had been. If I am god, I can control my destiny—or at least feel like I am—and part of me wants that. It feels safer.

Love requires giving to the loved one. With God, he’s not satisfied with just part of us, but all of us and that seems to be too much to give. So we avoid love and increase our power—not only over our own destinies but over that of others as well.

Where do I stand in the continuum between love and power? I think I crave power and find it difficult to love—especially those who seem unlovable to me, or whose needs are greater than what I am willing to give. I want to serve my own needs. I’m afraid that if I don’t, no one else will. And yet, I’m not afraid of intimacy. I yearn for it and seek it.

God, please help me with this. I want to be willing to choose love over power. Help me loosen my grip on the “need” to control.

In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. Quotes from pages 73-79.

Comments

Mikael said…
I like this. Loving God is submitting ourselves to him and giving him our whole beingness. It's hard to give up control over things we enjoy and take pleasure in; but God asks for that. And, I believe, when we do give him our all, he will give back what we have given over to him.

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In My Prayer Room

Oh God
You surround me with your love,
with memories
of who you are
of what you've done
of promises you've made
of who I want to be
of who I am because of you.

You give me hope and joy,
peace and gratitude.
You convict me
and teach me
encourage me
and remind me
of what it means to follow you.












You listen to my prayers
and grant my requests
in your time.
You give me insight
and knowledge
and words to write
to share your presence
your goodness
your love
your admonition
with others.























You expand my love
to pray for friend and foe
near and far
family and stranger
people as pins on maps
clustered and scattered
who know you and reject you
for those in need
and those too full to need.


















You draw me close
and then release me
to bring you close to others
to serve
and love
and give
all I have received.

You fill my heart with joy
that warms
and glows
and bursts
into laughter,
song
and even dance.

You wrap me in your arms
and tell me
"You are mine"
with intensity that burns
and smoul…