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Quotes from Promise Keepers

Monday, March 30

Tom and I are in the Whiteshell at Pinewood Lodge. He's painting at the kitchen table and I'm sitting with him, reading and writing. I opened all the blogs I follow before we left because there is no internet connection here and I've started to read them with an eye to writing comments I can post when we return home.

When I read Tom's most recent blog post called "Too Proud to ask for Direction," I found a couple of statements I really like. He quotes Nate Larkin, speaker at the recent Promise Keepers in Winnipeg as saying:
"I wanted a private solution to my private problem. No! It didn’t work until I gathered the guts to confess them to others and invited them to hold me accountable.”
This "guts to confess...to others" and making oneself accountable to them is the solution. Until then, it is far too easy for us to rationalize our sin, conclude that it's not that bad or give up thinking change is impossible--exactly what I did with my sexual sin until I finally confessed to an entire community. Suddenly there was no turning back if I wanted to stay part of that community, and I did.

Tom quotes Doug Weiss, marriage counsellor, as saying "The purpose of marriage is not to make you happy. It is to make you Christ-like." What a different perspective than most of society. We don't marry so we can become better people. We marry because we're sure all the wonderful things we feel with this one person will surely continue into eternity. How could it not?

Yet few, if any, manage to sustain those feelings. Taking out the garbage, sleepless nights because of the other's snoring, babies with messy diapers, toddlers constantly into what they shouldn't be, children with problems at school, teens with their demands for autonomy before they're ready all take the glow and shine of those pre-marriage months or years. So do one's partner's quirks and foibles which, before marriage, seemed cute or insignificant, now seem to drive us stark-raving mad.

All these irritants are things that could push us to God and to Christ-likeness if we chose. Instead, we complain about our spouses and the problems they create and wait for them to make the changes we think are vital. Is my marriage making me more Christ-like? Is yours?

Comments

Mikael said…
My marriage is definitely making me more God-like ;)

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About the Author

DEBBIE HAUGHLAND CHAN
WINNIPEG, MANITOBA, CANADA

I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at debbiehaughland@gmail.com or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …