The last thirty hours have been very difficult for me. This evening I took a gander through some of the long-neglected blogs to which I am subscribed and found one that spoke very closely to where I am: Back on...reconciliation by Kenny Warkentin. The entire post is worth reading but I want to quote what specifically hit me:
...when someone wrongs us, or we hold all the offenses in until one day it explodes and we put a boundary down and say, you hurt me and so you are unsafe. We spend so much time with the issue in our head, and never talk about it...and then we think it easier to just cut the person out of our lives, rather than realize that we too are in the wrong.
I'm not quick to cut people out of my life--in fact I'm loathe to do it--but I have labelled at least one person as unsafe because of sustained wrongs that have hurt me.
Recently I heard some great teaching on how David walked this out in his own life. Walking in meekness in the face of injustice. How often do we walk with meekness when we face injustice? When do we give it over to God to be our advocate...our help...our friend?
How do we walk "in meekness in the face of injustice?"
It got me thinking of my own life, and how I am prone to not speak out of [because of] passivity, out of [because of] the thought that the other person may not like me anymore. I am being challenged to step out of that and speak truth... I want to ask the Holy Spirit to search me...so that I can work out my sin. I am not happy to stay stuck or in the same place, and I value people enough to want reconciliation, restoration, repair.
Search me, O Lord, and know my heart today.
Try me O Saviour, know my thoughts I pray.
See if there be some wicked way in me.
Cleanse me from every sin, and set me free!