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"Forget About the Ones Who Don't"?

I received an e-mail today—one of the sort that’s full of pithy wisdom, engaging pictures and the direction to “Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back.” I usually look at them, though I rarely pass them on, because they help to lighten the day.

This particular one is good:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

All wise statements—and so are the rest until I read this one:

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't.”

Oh? Really? That’s not what Jesus said. He said to love our enemies, be kind to those who mistreat us, do good to those who hate us.

Feel-good theology/psychology is very attractive. We all want to feel good, to embrace what makes us happy and eschew what makes us hurt but what would our lives look like if we did that? We wouldn’t have any struggles. We’d have nothing in our lives to spur us on to personal strength or character development. We’d also have little relational stability in our lives because we would walk away from all we thought weren’t treating us right—and they from us. Don’t we all fail at relating well some times?

Loving my enemy isn’t easy. I find it hard to be kind to those who mistreat me. At times doing both seems downright foolish. There is a way that seems right to a man, but that way is destruction. More and more, I keep finding out just how upside-down God’s kingdom really is. He tells us things that seem contrary to what feels natural and right—the first will be last and the last will be first; love your enemies; in your weakness is strength and so on—but he knows so much better than I what brings life and what brings death. I ignore his ways to my peril.


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …