Now a Member!

I became a member at church today. There were six of us and each was to speak for about five minutes. I read from my palmtop what I had prepared:

I grew up in a community saturated with God and the Bible and I loved it all. By the time I was twelve years old, I was buying theology books, books about missionaries and my own, leather-bound study Bible. I wanted to become a missionary but instead I got married on my eighteenth birthday and began to move away from God. After nearly four years, I moved away from my husband as well and spent the next two years in promiscuity.

When I discovered I was pregnant, I began to search for support services for single moms. What I found was a Christian woman who brought me back to God. From then on, I spent much time reading the Bible and praying and realized, to my dismay, that God wanted me to return to my husband. But God changed my heart so that by the time I moved back, I was looking forward to starting again with him. I was still pregnant and amazingly, Tom accepted this child as his own. Except for the difference in appearance--Tom is Chinese and Mons is tall, blonde and very Nordic-looking--you would never know they are anything but father and son. [The congregation chuckled at this.]

I became established in a church where I stayed and raised our four sons for about twenty-four years. It was a good, solid church with awesome preachers and people I came to love as family. I participated in a variety of ways including: teaching children, organizing children's programs, helping in the library, playing piano, singing in the choir and developing church archives.

Towards the end of this time my life began to change. I had become part of an awesome, Christian community online and for the first time I began to address the same-sex attraction issues I've had all my adult life. I felt unable to share with people at church and so this online community became my spiritual support and encouragement. Two women in this congregation were also wonderful support: Lois Ward, who I have known for nearly thirty years and Bonnie Lewis who I have known for over forty.

It was through Lois that I first learned of the Vineyard movement and church. I had seen remarkable changes in her because of her association with Vineyard, so when she invited me to Vineyard conferences and other events, I was glad to go, eager to "catch" what she had. Now, through Christians I knew online, I was gaining opportunities to learn about and encounter God in new ways. I felt like a jet that had spent the past quarter century taxiing on the runway, now taking off at a steep incline.

The time came when I simply didn't fit the church I was attending, as much as I loved it, and began attending _______. When it folded, I stayed with what it became, but it was so different that after two and a half years, I decided to change once again. The first Sunday morning I walked in here, I knew I was home.

I love this place for so many reasons. I love the presence of the Holy Spirit, the love of and commitment to frequent corporate prayer, the absence of rigidity and willingness to step out of the box, the friendliness, even the building. What I especially like about Winnipeg Centre Vineyard is the interaction with the homeless, the disenfranchised, the poor and the people of this neighbourhood. We're not a church stuck in a white, middle class, suburban rut. And I like that. I love too that there are so many young people.

Up till now my main involvement, aside from attending regularly, has been with the Sunday morning prayer time, the prophetic prayer times and being on one of the prayer ministry teams. I would love to get involved with the neighbourhood drop-ins and hope to soon add my collection of books to the church online library. My great loves are reading, writing and encouraging others in their walk with God. God is so awesomely wonderful and I'm glad that this is a place where I can worship and serve him.

After we had finished speaking, the pastor, Andy, called people to come up and pray for us. There was one couple I was disappointed to not see there—it’s spring break and they must be vacationing—but there were others I know who made a point to come, lay their hands on me while they prayed and talked about the things they saw or heard from God. I wish I could have written it all down or at least remembered the details.

Strength. This is what one saw--that all the things I have been through have made me strong. I think she’s right. Someone else saw me as a deep well, or saw a deep well inside of me. Another saw a welcome mat in front of me, but that welcome mat changed to a red carpet that I was walking on. She also commented on how she loves it when I wear red. One of the pastors also saw a welcome mat. One of the other new members saw me coming out of the chrysalis as a butterfly and a good friend spoke of how I am a person of words and the different ways words are a part of me. Afterward, others came to hug and/or welcome me, including one or two that I didn't expect. It was good.

Thank you, God, for such a wonderful group of people with whom I can grow into a deeper relationship with you. I love you.

Spring SNOW Sale

I can't resist. This is too good to not share. While people in other places are talking about their gardens, we've had a snow storm. One enterprising store in the city has capitalized on the storm with the following ad:

The Light Christian Store
Presents

The Incredible 2 Day - 20% Off
Winter Please Go Away Sale

Greetings! Just when we thought winter was over and Spring was here, SUPRISE almost 20cm of snow and -20 C with the Windchill. With the bad weather everyone is staying home and I can't blame you. We need your help because we have lost two days of business and we have bills to pay. Read below for an AMAZING offer for 2 Days ONLY.

-20 Celsius, 20 cm of Snow = 20% Off The Entire Store

I love it, especially that last line! Only in Winnipeg.
(So, if you live in Winnipeg, go give them some business! They deserve it--and they were the first store to carry my book so they're extra deserving.)

A Bit of This and That

It's been over a week since my last post. I'm not sure why except that I know I tend to withdraw at times, especially when I feel stressed. I would appreciate your prayers about this because writing is one of my favourite things to do.

Next week, from Sunday to Friday, Tom and I will be tucked away in a lakeside chalet in the Whiteshell area of Manitoba. I'm looking forward to it but, unless I'm able to do a fair bit of writing between now and then and post-date some to fall during that time, I will be silent a while longer before I again start to write.

Also this coming Sunday, I will officially become a member of my church. I've been attending since the first Sunday of 2008 and am looking forward to really belonging.

The Red River Valley from Fargo, North Dakota, north through Winnipeg, Manitoba, is preparing for a major flood. Twelve years ago, in 1997, we had "The Flood of the Century." It wiped out 80% of Grand Forks ND, all of St. Adolph MB and countless other homes and farms on the flood plain.

The prediction is that this year's flood could be as high or even higher. Communities are preparing to evacuate and municipalities on both sides of the international border are on high alert, cranking out sand bags and building dikes. Most of Winnipeg should be okay because we've increased the size of the floodway that helps to divert the Red River's excess around the city--except that frozen drains on streets, alleys and in ditches are allowing large "lakes" to form, flooding many, many basements.

I shouldn't be up this late, and I did go to bed three hours ago, but I can't sleep. What's a person to do? It's nice to have the computer to come and play on till I can sleep.

God's blessings on each of you.

QQC—Belief and Righteousness

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Genesis 15

“Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” (Genesis 15:6 NIV) Paul quotes this passage in Romans 4 and it’s referred to in Hebrews 12 so it’s obviously a very important truth but Abram’s belief wasn’t as steadfast as it sounds. When the promised son didn’t come, he accepted Sarai’s solution of taking her servant Hagar by whom he could have this child, contrary to the promise. Despite what we would consider a grave error and sin (Abram and Hagar would have been disfellowshipped from many churches had it happened now or in the last couple hundred years or more), God called him righteous.

In fact, Abram is said to have believed God even though he asked a question very similar to that of the father of John the Baptist, Zechariah, who was made mute for disbelieving the angel. Abram asked, “How can I know...?” (Genesis 15:8 NIV) Zechariah asked, “How can I be sure of this?” (Luke 1:18 NIV) Whereas Abram was said to believe, the angel accused Zechariah of not believing. (Luke 1:20) What was the difference?

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QQC—Born in his Household

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Genesis 14

Abram’s nephew Lot, and all of Lot’s household, had been travelling with Abram since leaving Haran but when their herdsmen started to quarrel with each other, they decided to separate. Lot chose the fertile plain of the Jordan River and settled in Sodom. Abram chose the hill country to the west.

Sometime after, four kings went to war against the kings of Sodom, Gomorrah and three other cities. The four won the battle, carrying off “all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah,” including Lot. One man managed to escape, found Abram and told him what had happened.

Abram “called out the 318 trained men born in his household” (Genesis 14:14 NIV) and, along with his allies, chased the four kings, recovered all the plunder and captives and returned them to Sodom. How did Abram come to have so many men born into his household? Who were their parents? How big was Abram’s household? Was the sole purpose of all these extra people to fight? But this is the only story of Abram going to war. Did he have enough cattle and sheep to warrant having such a large staff? Where and how did he acquire all the people needed to have so many men born to his household?

His grandson, Jacob, was heir after Isaac. He left home with nothing and came back with many of his own herdsmen and shepherds. Did he also inherit all the extra people that were in Abram’s household? Did all these people go with him when Jacob eventually moved to Egypt?

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QQC—Pharaoh and Sarai

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Genesis 12

Abram and his wife Sarai (later called Abraham and Sarah) had travelled to Egypt to escape famine in Canaan. Abram, afraid for his life, told Sarai that, if asked, she was to say they were brother and sister, rather than husband and wife. So Pharaoh took Sarai into his palace, thinking she was a free woman.

What did Abram think Pharaoh wanted with his wife? Surely he realized that Pharaoh was adding her to his harem! Why didn’t he object? Why didn’t she object? Was Abram’s safety so important to him that he was willing to relinquish his wife to another man to save his own life? (Genesis 12:10-20)

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My Son Mons

Yesterday I showed my second son, Erik, leaping in the air with a footbag move. Today I want to share about my eldest son, Mons. The music he creates and plays is something I love listening to--and others have told me the same thing. Listen to more of his music at http://www.reverbnation.com/monstunes

QQC—Nothing Impossible

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Genesis 11

Many generations after the flood, the people gathered together to build the infamous Tower of Babel. We know God introduced multiple languages at this time so that the people dispersed and discontinued the building of the tower. Why did he do this? “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.” (Genesis 11:6 NIV) God was concerned that they would be able to do whatever they decided to do.

Isn’t that where we are today? We are doing far more impossible things than building “a tower that reaches to the heavens.” We’ve not only built buildings that surely are taller than any of the architects' of Babel, we have gone into the heavens themselves with our satellites, space shuttles, walking on the moon and sending robots with cameras onto the surface of Mars and beyond. When is God going to confound us as he did those at Babel and how much worse will that be for us than it was for them?

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Waiting in Silence

My prayer time yesterday took me on an interesting excursion. In my book I describe an experience I had with centering prayer and how, for the first time, I was able be on God's lap, feeling his arms around me, and actually be in the experience, not just looking at it from afar. It was life-changing for me.

From time to time, I return to the daily practice of sitting silent before God, though the form has morphed somewhat from that initial introduction. I get into a comfortable position--sitting in my rocking chair, feet up on a make-shift stool--set a timer for 20 minutes and then, in silent stillness, come before God. To keep my mind from distractions, I choose a truth about God and repeat it. Today that truth was "You are my strong tower, fortress when I'm weak." Yesterday it was from Isaiah 40:31 KJV, "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength."

It's amazing what God will do when we come to him without an agenda--not asking for anything but simply sitting and waiting for him to reveal himself. I remembered what I posted two days ago, "Seeking God in Silence," and saw the connection: while we sit in silence, we wait and the waiting itself enables us to soar like eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint.

I began to do some research and looked for all the places in the Bible that talk about waiting on the Lord. We wait in hope, wait patiently, wait at God's doorway, wait quietly, wait in eager expectation, wait eagerly.* We wait in quiet alertness so we don't miss him when he comes.

We don't wait very well. We want everything in an instant. We also don't like silence but I remembered something about the Quakers and went searching online. Sunday morning meetings for Quakers consist of coming together and sitting in silence for an hour. At the end of the hour, they shake hands and leave. Note what they, and those explaining their silent meetings, have to say about silence:

"...when we are silent, God grants us insights, guidance, and spiritual understanding that is different from what we might realize in our noisy, everyday lives." http://www.redroom.com/publishedwork/holy-silence-the-gift-quaker-spirituality

According to the book Quaker Faith and Practice, the silence "may be just sheer emptiness, absence of words or noise or music. It may be an occasion for slumber, or it may be a dead form. But it may be an intensified pause, a vitalised hush, a creative quiet, and an actual moment of mutual and reciprocal correspondence with God". http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1488488/BBC-to-broadcast-the-Quaker-sound-of-silence.html

[The meetings are] a comfortable togetherness interrupted only if the Spirit moves someone to talk....It is not the silence itself but the expectation that is worthwhile.... [The silence allows] God to say to us who he is. We become teachable in the Spirit within the silence of our souls before the presence of God. http://pluralism.org/news/article.php?id=346

"True silence is ... to the Spirit what sleep is to the body: nourishment and refreshment." William Penn as quoted at http://www.hermitary.com/solitude/quaker_silence.html

The essence of the value of silence, for Quakers as well as for monastics and others, is to free ourselves from influences other than from God. Silence, then, can open ourselves to God and let us truly listen to the Living Christ. http://www.quakerinfo.com/quak_sil.shtml

...silence is our admission that we have broken communication with God and are now willing to listen.... The more silence becomes part of our lives, the less impulsive we become. We are slowed down. Silence can reconcile the contradictions within us holding them in a healthy tension.... The awareness that comes from a grounding in silence allows us to respond more authentically. ...out of the silence, Christ can speak to our condition so we no longer must be captive to sin. Silence can remove the veil between us and the Truth. http://www.quakerinfo.com/silence.shtml

This is the only way to know God. 'Be still, and know that I am God.' 'God is in His Holy Temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him.' ...as I listened and slowly learned to obey, and shut my ears to every sound, I found after awhile that when the other voices ceased, or I ceased to hear them, there was a still, small voice in the depths of my being that began to speak with an inexpressible tenderness, power, and comfort. http://www.tractassociation.org/Silence.html

"They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. " I need more of that strength. What about you?

*For those who want to repeat this study, check out the following verses:
Psalms 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 34, 40:1, 130:5, 6, Proverbs 20:22, Isaiah 8:17, 26:8, 51:5, 64:4, Lamentations 3:26, Hosea 12:6, Micah 7:7, Romans 8:19, 23, 25, 1 Corinthians 1:7, Titus 2:13, Hebrews 9:28, Jude 21.

Here are more links to information about Quakers and silence:
http://www.journeywithjesus.net/BookNotes/J_Brent_Bill_Holy_Silence.shtml
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/sep/24/religion.uk
http://www.qhpress.org/texts/oldqwhp/gf-e-201.htm
http://www.qhpress.org/quakerpages/qhoa/west.htm
http://www.tractassociation.org/CongregationalSilence.htm
http://www.quaker.org/melodia/silence/
http://www.spiritualitytoday.org/spir2day/853744busch.html
http://theredelectric.blogspot.com/2008/12/out-of-silence-quaker-joy.html
http://www.insighttrails.com/blog/2008/01/practices-culti.html
http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/subdivisions/quakers_print.html

My Son Erik

My son Erik in the middle of some footbag move. I love watching him kick. Footbag should become an Olympic sport. If you want to learn more, go to www.hackrifice.com

QQC—Cain, Methuselah, the Flood and the Ground

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Genesis 4 to 8

Cain is notorious for being the world’s first murderer, having killed his brother because God accepted Abel’s offering but not Cain’s. God cursed him, drove him from the ground and made him “a restless wanderer on the earth.” We think of Cain as a reprobate but notice his response, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence....” Cain still loved God and wanted to be in God’s presence! (Genesis 4:8-16 NIV)

Methuselah lived longer than any other man recorded in the Bible—969 years. Can you imagine being alive for nearly a thousand years? Interestingly, when we do the math, we discover that Methuselah died the same year as Noah’s flood:

Methuselah was 187 years old when his son Lamech was born.
Lamech was 182 years old when Noah was born.
Noah was 600 years old when the flood came.
187 + 182 + 600 = 969. (Genesis 5:25-28; 6:6)

Noah’s dad, Lamech, died five years before the flood (he lived 595 years after Noah was born and Noah was 600 when the flood came).

After the flood, God “smelled the pleasing aroma” of Noah’s burnt offerings and said, “Never again will I curse the ground because of man...” (Genesis 8:21 NIV) Does that mean that the curse of Genesis 3:17-19 (“Cursed is the ground because of you...it will produce thorns and thistles....”) ended at the flood? If so, why does the ground seem to be cursed still?

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QQC--Eden

Quirks, Queries and Commentary--Genesis 2 and 3

Consider the whole idea of work. Some people have the idea that work is a dirty word and there certainly won't be any of it to do in heaven but look at Genesis 2:15--"The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." (NIV) God had work for Adam to do from the very beginning.

Or what about that tree in Eden they weren't supposed to touch. What was the point of having that tree there? To taunt and tantalize? (See Genesis 2:17)

When Adam and Eve discovered they were naked (Genesis 3:7) they sewed fig leaves together. How did they sew? What did they use?

Later, "God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." (Genesis 3:21 NIV) God killed and skinned animals?

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Quirks, Queries and Commentary

I love reading my Bible and spend about half an hour before bedtime doing so. I also love to scribble all over the empty spaces in my Bible and have collected a lot of observations and questions that intrigue me. I think I'm going to start sharing some of them from time to time. Please be aware that my questions are not intended to show doubt of God's Word. I firmly believe that seeming contradictions are perfectly harmonious in God's eyes. I simply can't see what he can. Still, there are a lot of curious things in the Bible that get me wondering.


QQC--Weighty Clothes (Exodus 28:6-29)
QQC--God Blessed and Prepared them Anyway (Exodus 28:1-5)
QQC--Did it Ever Catch Fire? (Exodus 25:31-40)
QQC--Where Were the Utensils Kept? (Exodus 25:23-30)
QQC--Ark and its Poles (Exodus 25:10-16)
QQC--God in the Cloud  (Exodus 24:15-18)
QQC--God is a Consuming Fire (Exodus 24:15-18)
QQC--Seventy-four Saw God  (Exodus 24:9, 10)
QQC--Your Bloody Clothes  (Exodus 24:8)

QQC--They Will Be a Snare to You  (Exodus 23:31, 32)
QQC--Don't Come Empty-handed!  (Exodus 23:14, 15)
QQC--Love Your Enemies  (Exodus 23:4, 5)
QQC--Defence of Property  (Exodus 22:2-3)
QQC--Lest Your Nakedness be Exposed  (Exodus 20:26)
QQC--Honouring God and Blessings  (Exodus 20:24)
QQC--Misusing God's Name  (Exodus 20:7)
QQC--A Perilous Business  (Exodus 19:10-22)
QQC--If You Listen  (Exodus 15:22-26)
QQC--A Night of Wind, Fear and Noise (Exodus 14:21-22)

QQC--What Confidence! (Exodus 14:10-14)

QQC--Favourably Disposed (Exodus 12:33-36)

QQC--The NERVE!  (Exodus 12:32)

QQC--Grace and Belief  (Exodus 9:13-19)

QQC--Wasn't the Livestock Dead Already? (Exodus 9:1-7, 13-19)

QQC--"I Spared You for this Very Purpose!" (Exodus 9:13-19)

QQC--Why Not "Right Now!"? (Exodus 8:8-10)

QQC--Is it Wrong because "They" Do It? (Exodus 8: 1-10)

QQC--Frogs, Frogs Everywhere! (Exodus 8:1-10)

QQC--Blood and Water (Exodus 7:19-24)

QQC--Deceptive Appearances (Or: How Could it be God?) (Exodus 5:19-21)

QQC--More Lying! (Exodus 4:18)

QQC--He Ran from the Snake (Exodus 4:1-5)

QQC--Another Blessed Lie (Exodus 3:18)

QQC--The Blessed Lie (Exodus 1:19-21)
QQC--Did Joseph Lose his Job? (Genesis 50:4, 5)
QQC--Joseph, a Father to Pharaoh? (Genesis 45:8)
QQC--It Was God Who Did It! (Genesis 45:8)
QQC--God Tells Us What He Will Do (Genesis 41)
QQC--Joseph Statistics (Genesis 41-50)
QQC--Destruction of Shechem (Genesis 34)
QQC--Jacob Statistics--After Laban (Genesis 33-37)
QQC--Jacob Meets Esau (Genesis 32)
QQC--Jacob Statistics--Laban (Genesis 30-33)
QQC--Isaac's Dwelling Not a Tent (Genesis 27)
QQC--The Food of Trickery (Genesis 27)
QQC--Isaac's Riches (Genesis 26)
QQC--Abraham/Isaac Statistics (Genesis 17-26)
QQC--The Boy, Ishmael (Genesis 21)
QQC--Blessed Incest? (Genesis 19)
QQC--Slow Cooking (Genesis 18)
QQC--Belief and Righteousness (Genesis 15)
QQC--Born in his Household (Genesis 14)
QQC--Pharaoh and Sarai (Genesis 12)
QQC--Nothing Impossible (Genesis 11)
QQC--Cain, Methuselah, the Flood and the Ground (Genesis 4 to 8)
QQC--Eden (Genesis 2 and 3)


Last updated March 3, 2011

Seeking God in Silence

Silence. It's something that's absent in our high tech, busy lives. TV, music, phones, traffic, chatter--even the drone of the refrigerator, hum of the heater/air-conditioner, the various chimes and alerts on the computer and the clacking of the keyboard--ensure we have no silence.

In 1 Kings 18 we read how the prophet Elijah had a great victory over the priests of Baal. But when Queen Jezebel heard what happened, she threatened to kill Elijah. Afraid, he ran away and hid in a cave. While he was there, a fierce, rock-shattering wind, earthquake and fire came, each in all its fury but it wasn't until these had past and the "sound of sheer silence" (1 Kings 19:12 NRSV) descended that God came to Elijah and gave him instructions on his next mission.

Thomas à Kempis was a 14th century mystic and monk remembered today for his devotional writings such as Imitation of Christ." He wrote:

"In silence and peace a devout soul makes progress and learns the secrets of the scriptures. Only in silence and peace does a devout soul find floods of tears in which it may wash and cleanse itself each night. The further the soul is from the noise of the world, the closer it may be to its Creator, for God, with his holy angels, will draw close to a person who seeks solitude and silence."*

Thomas Merton was a 20th century monk who espoused quietness and solitude. He seems to have come to the conclusion that "silence is not just a condition we cultivate in order to better hear the word of God, but that silence itself is where we find God."**

God reveals himself to us in many ways but often we're too busy and preoccupied to see or hear him. This is one reason why I enjoy my prayer room. Here I can be alone and silent. Here is where I can focus on God without distraction. Here is where I can bask in his presence and simply be, open to him.

Where do you find silence in your life?



*as quoted by Connecting with God by Renovaré, page 63.
**Connecting with God by Renovaré, page 69.

Balaam's Donkey and Persecution

Mike, one of our pastors, has a second job. His employers, Christians, forbade him to tell clients and staff that he’s a pastor. He could say he works with children for a “benevolent organization” in the North End but that was it. He finally found this so difficult that he began to ignore the rules. Eventually they let him speak, but warned him that if he did, some would hate him.

Hatred. The Church often deserves the hatred it receives. Through the ages Christians have done some terrible things in the name of Jesus. But sometimes we are hated simply because we love and follow God. Jesus warned that this would happen but we are still surprised when it does.

Our text today was from Acts 13 and 14, the story of Paul and Barnabas, first in Antioch and then in Iconium. In each city, they preached to the Jews. After all, it was the Jews who had been promised Messiah. Some accepted the good news Paul and Barnabas brought but most were angry and drove them out of town.

Frances Shaffer wrote, “I believe that pluralism in the long run is a more deadly poison than straight forward persecution.” Paul and Barnabas told new believers: “It is through many persecutions that we enter the kingdom of God.” (Acts 14:22—not sure of the translation Mike used.) This verse seems to imply that we can't get into God's kingdom unless we've been persecuted. It’s a shocking thought and one I have never considered before.

Persecution. We understand the persecution the early disciples endured. We understand the persecution people like Voice of the Martyrs report—beatings, imprisonment, torture and death—but we have a hard time believing there’s any persecution here in North America. Yet Mike’s experience in the workplace is not unique. Many have had such experiences. Even children do.

One little boy told Mike (who’s the children’s pastor) that he can’t talk about church at school. If he does, he’ll be sent to the office. We offend others (even some who call themselves Christian) when we insist that Jesus is the only way to God. There is persecution in the Western World. It simply has a different face.

Mike says he had a harder time telling his Christian but very conservative parents that he was pastor at a Vineyard church. He said it would have been easier if his admission to them had been that he’s gay (he’s not).

What can we do? We can be like Balaam’s donkey. Balaam kept beating his donkey for not doing what he was told but the donkey saw an angel and chose to stop as the angel said, even though it angered Balaam.

I can think of times when I’ve experienced hatred and rejection because of my Christian convictions, beliefs and behaviours. What about you?

Jacked for the Rent

I prepare to make the last turn to church and watch “Hookers’ Corner.” Will she be there this morning? She hasn’t been all winter but still I watch, ready to give a friendly smile and wave.

She’s not there but I see a little bit of a thing walking through the intersection toward me. “Could I get warm in your car?” I’m late for prayer meeting but she needs help.

“Sure! Come in.”

I park against the church, leave the engine running and wait. She tells of being “jacked” for her rent money. The large, bruised “egg” on her forehead testifies.

“I need money for my rent. Can you help?”

I am willing. Does she speak truth? What should I do, God?

I could take her for breakfast. She’s probably hungry. I ask.

She wants money more but I want time to think and pray. “Let’s go to McDonald’s.”

She agrees. Does she hope I’ll give her money too? She livens as she takes the hot chocolate. “This is good!”

We sit by a sunny window. I search for ways to open conversation—I don’t want to be intrusive—but there are long spells of silence broken by short breaks when she leaves to bum a cigarette. All say no but one man will help. He needs cigarettes himself. He’ll buy a pack and come back to share with her. Will he? Who would go to that trouble? But he does and they stand in the cold, smoking. She returns with half her cigarette saved for later.

“You have a cross on your finger,” I point to the simple tattoo.

“That’s for my mother. She wanted it but she’s dead now. My sisters have one too.” Her foster parents used to take her to a church camp every summer. When she was fourteen, she gave her life to Christ.

“What about now?” I ask. “How is your relationship with Jesus now?”

Not so good. She shakes her head.

She’s the age of my eldest, though half the size. He’s talking about graduate school but she has four little kids and a boyfriend who beats her. Survival is all she can manage and that is held by a thread. Years of hard living have rotted and blackened her teeth. I want to help. God! What should I do?

A picture comes, showing grocery bags. Take her shopping for food? That won’t help with rent. She’s patient but persistent. It’s rent money she needs. I give her the money I have but it’s too little. God! Help her find the rest!

“May I pray for you?”

She nods.

I reach out. “May I place my hand on your arm?”

She moves her hand to mine and I pray. Oh God, there are so many who hurt. And this one has such need. Help her, God! Help her! Safety, rent money, hope. She needs a miracle. Will God give it? He doesn’t always.

She’s afraid to ask, surely I’ll say no, but her need is strong. “Would you buy me cigarettes?”

O Lord! What should I do? The picture comes back. Groceries. Her kids need food.

I agree to cigarettes. She agrees to milk and fruit. Most stores are closed but one is open. I don’t buy much—milk, bread, fruit, pasta, juice.

“Is there anything you’d really like?”

She nods. Yes. I can buy cookies. I see a small package of four Easter chocolates and add it for the kids. Sweets can sweeten the soul.

I drive her home. At the last minute she chooses a neighbour’s instead. She will tell the man who beat her to pack and leave. Good choice. We walk together to the door, sharing the load. Inside I set my bags down and turn to leave but she wants a hug. I agree, but she won’t let go. When she does, she kisses my cheek and thanks me.

I wish there was more to say. I wish there is more I could do. I leave, heavy with the burden of her need. I told her I will pray. I must pray. Perhaps God will have mercy. O Lord, have mercy!

I miss the prayer meeting. I miss singing and worship. People may think I’m late because of the time change, but that’s okay. God is good and today we worked together.

The Fruit of the Spirit is Love...

Winnipeg Centre Vineyard is closely knit to and planted at the same time, about fifteen years ago, as the Vineyard church in Katmandu, Nepal. Today, there are thirteen other Vineyard churches that have been planted by joint effort between us throughout Nepal. We nearly always have people from our congregation over there and currently, the head pastor there is here in Winnipeg. A short man with quick wit and humour, Noel preached to us last Sunday. He spoke about the Fruit of the Spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22, 23 NIV).

I’ve observed that most Christians repeat this list of virtues as something we need to discipline ourselves to attain, but Jesus said, “No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” (John 15:4 NIV). Fruit is the result of being connected to God, not the way we get connected to him. Noel, however, made a statement that gave me pause to think: We have to take the first step.

Love. It kind of floats, doesn’t it? But love is an action. It doesn’t just float. It is connected to action and it costs. If I want to love my neighbour, I’m going to have to walk to her door; if a young man is in love with a girl, he will spend money to take her out on a date. Sometimes we don’t WANT to love. Sometimes Noel doesn’t want to love his wife. Sometimes I don’t want to love Tom. But we need to step out and move in Christ.

We have only two ways we can move—forward or backward. Do we want to move back to who we were in Galatians 5:19-21?

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like.”

There is no middle ground. We are either living in verse 22 or in verse 19. When we walk in the middle path, we’re missing the mark. If we don’t take the first step towards verse 22, we will slide back to verse 19. Life is very grey for far too many people.

“Do you have trouble loving?” Noel asked. “I have trouble loving.”

Yes! I am having a great trouble loving, especially my husband. But what can I do? Noel’s answer is that what we need to do is cry out to God and take the foundational first step. But what is that step?

As Noel continued to speak, he talked about the other virtues and the importance of being able to see ourselves with God’s eyes—he gave us his eyes when we accepted Jesus into our lives so we can do this.

At the end of the service we were invited to close our eyes and take a look inside. What did we see? When we saw it, we were to turn to someone beside us and confess. My friend beside me and I chuckled because she had done this before the service so now it was my turn. “I have trouble loving my husband. I’ve put up many barriers that divide us and now that I want them down, I don’t know how to dismantle them.” So she prayed.

Interestingly, I felt much warmer towards Tom for the rest of the day and I wonder: Is this a new beginning? I hope so.

Church with Diversity and Contrast

I love the variety, the unexpected and the huge diversity that is my church. Perhaps I should describe the basic setting first. We meet in an older-than-a-century four-story brick refurbished tractor factory built in what was, at the time, the perfect location, right beside the railyard. Today this neighbourhood is the saddest, neediest, most violent place in the city. The old brick, massive timbers and polished but distressed oak floors inside remind us that this is no ordinary church.

Our pastor said that we are at the intersection of the ordinary and the kingdom of God, which couldn’t be truer. In our midst are suburbanites who move in the finance, medical and education worlds, Others are artists, musicians, writers. Some are homeless, some living in booze-can hotels and some in apartments and houses that have seen better days. We have the well-dressed and the unwashed, those with poise and those who hide in corners, never looking anyone in the face. Prostitutes and drug addicts mix with the minivan crowd and together we make what may be the oddest but very warm community.

This week was a good example. In the midst of our worship time, two girls in black, each with a multi-coloured shawl around her hips, did a beautiful interpretive contemporary dance of worship to a song that included the words, “I will not be moved, I will not be shaken.”

A little boy about five arrived at church with a costume of gem-studded gold crown and cape.

The pastor opened the microphone to those who had announcements to make because he couldn’t remember all who had asked him to do it. We heard about the fund-raising banquet for Living Bible Explorers, an inner-city ministry to children with the least promising futures; the tree-cutting bee at the church-owned farm (bring your chainsaw, please); and a neighbourhood man in scruffy clothes talked about how God used gamma-ray surgery to remove a large growth from the back of his head. We were told about the evening before when all the Himalayan people in Winnipeg—Buddhist, Hindu and Christian—gathered together in our building and we listened as one very articulate young man shared his recent experiences on a leper colony near Bangalore, India—a story of how lonely is the leper’s existence but also of miracles performed by God.

When all the preamble was done, the Nepalese pastor visiting from our sister church in Kathmandu stood up to exhort us to living a godly life. That deserves its own post, which I will hopefully share soon.

I love this church. I love the diversity and contrast. I love the way I am challenged to step out of my “box” and see life from different perspectives. I love the ministry to our needy neighbourhood and to the needy on the other side of the world (e.g. water is currently available in Kathmandu for only four hours a day—at unpredictable times). God is good.

Who Is the Real Me?

When the alarm rang this morning for church, I did not want to get up. I had gone to bed much too late and this alarm seemed much too early. Nevertheless, knowing I would regret not going, I got up, showered, washed my hair and came back to my room to dress. What should I wear? I had no energy to think. Something easy. Okay, my jeans (I dress down for church because of the street people there). I sat on the side of my bed to put on my socks but even that task seemed daunting.

I can’t do this! Should I stay home?

The question I’ve been asking myself lately is, Who am I? Who am I apart from Tom, apart from friends, apart from all the things that influence me in my desperation to please others? I lay down and pondered. What does the real Debbie want? Who is the real Debbie in this debate?

Three scenes from my past came to mind. One actually happened and two were in dreams but all were very real. In the first, I lived alone in a single room on the second floor of a rooming house. I shared a bathroom and a kitchen sink with other tenants and had lost my motivation to do much. Last month’s garbage and dirty dishes piled high into a plastic bin of rotting water were sending a foul reek into the cluttered space. If I didn’t take care of them soon, the bugs would arrive. I remembered a movie about that. I also remembered the newspaper article I clipped and hid at the back of my Bible about a woman who had lived the same way. Her home was condemned by the health board and she was admitted to psychiatric hospital. Did this scene describe the real me?

In the second scene, my husband, small kids and I were visiting a relative for a few days but something happened between us. In anger, I stormed out of the house, hitchhiked to the city and began to live on the streets. A couple of years past. One day I was walking down the back lane behind our house. My kids had changed. So had I. They were in the back yard playing and as I stood to watch them, they didn’t know me. I walked away. Did this scene describe the real me?

In the third scene I had also run away from my husband. This time I took the children with me and found refuge in the home of a friend. As I shared all I was feeling, my despair, grief and pain, she embraced me. This is what good friends do when one is hurting. But the embrace changed. It became a hug that was hungry, grasping, pushing for much more. Scared, I grabbed my kids and ran. I stood outside on the dark and empty street, my children clustered around me. Where could I go? There was nowhere. Did this scene describe the real me?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Each scene shows who I have been or could be when/if I allowed myself to slide—to take the meaningless, easy route of doing nothing. This is the me who would stay home from church and hide in bed. Is this the me I want to be? Is this the true me? It is the me without Jesus, the me of hopelessness and despair, the me at the bottom of a barrel filled with vomit.

No, this is not the me I want to be. I want to be the me that I would be with Jesus, the me that walks with God, who listens to him and shapes her life around him. Yes, this is who I want to be.

The decision made, I sat up and faced my clothes again. The effort to dress still felt monumental but slowly I pulled myself together and prepared for church. I missed the pre-service prayer meeting I usually attend, but I made it to church and I’m glad I did. It was an awesome morning.

As I stood through our time of singing at church, it came to me. When I’m in a situation like this morning, debating about what I want to do, I can ask myself, Why? What is my reasoning? Who am I? Which choice reflects who I really want to be? Which choice leads to the bottom of the barrel and which invites God to walk with me?