A Corner Turned? -- Part One

I'm turning a corner, I hope. Though two straight days of doing well isn't necessarily a sign of things to come, I am hopeful.

The past several months have not been good for me. My depression has zapped me of all energy, motivation and ability, keeping me virtually tied to my chair. When I would try to do things, I would be so exhausted it would take days to recover. Things I used to be able to brush off or take in stride became such monumental stressors I would shut down for days on end. It hasn't helped that my knee has been giving me so much difficulty that I simply cannot walk like I used to and I miss that a lot.

So what has changed? Why do I think two good days are the indication of better things to come? I'm not sure, really. Tom is back in school (he's a school principal). That might be a contributer. I know people have been praying for me. Specifically, there are two wonderful women at church who have been praying this past week. Why this week? Why these two women out of many who pray for me?

A week ago last Friday I did something I shouldn't have done. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway and kept on doing it. It was as though I was an automaton, unable to stop, but of course I could have. I chose not to. The next day I was numb, as if my emotions had been cauterised by my sin, as if the living part of me had been cut out, leaving me an empty shell. But that wasn't true either because somewhere in that shell was deep remorse.

I deserved to die. Part of me wanted death. That's what would have happened in the Old Testament. It seemed the only escape. "Wait!" a voice spoke inside me. "Jesus died for you." Oh. Yeah. Well, at the very least I should be cast out of my community. "Wait!" the same voice spoke. "Jesus was cast out too." Right. That punishment has been taken away from me as well. But how could God ever forgive me? I remembered the passage I've been memorizing in Matthew 18. Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother who has sinned against him. Up to seven times? he asks, as if no one could possibly be expected to forgive more than that.

But Jesus answers, "Not seven times but seventy-seven times."

If God expects us to forgive each other so many times (other gospels and/or translations say "seventy times seven"), will he do less. Foiled again. My punishment taken, forgiveness given, I should have been at peace but I wasn't. My heart did not want to accept what my head knew.

How did I get to this place? There must be something systemically wrong with me, I thought. Why didn't I see it creeping up on me. I'm not sure, but I do know that as my depression worsened, I became more and more unable to do things--even simple things. Reading and writing, two of my loves and passions, were sometimes too difficult. Going to my prayer room was more than I could handle. Even reading my Bible at night seemed like too much. Instead, I found ways to zone out, chiefly playing a simple, harmless game online. Did I allow it to eat up time I could have used more profitably? Had I lulled myself into a spiritual stupor, unable to see myself slipping? Clearly, I haven't been where I thought I was in my walk with God.

I realized I needed to reorder my priorities and time, starting with cutting out the game. What else? I would need to do a lot of thinking and praying on the matter. As horrid and unseemly as some sins and temptations may appear, there can be a blessing in their obvious hideousness: There is only so long a person can pretend or ignore such sin, whereas other sins and temptations can stay hidden more easily. And yet, something was holding me back from a full re-embracing of God. It was as if I was drugged, bound and gagged.

Maybe I needed to confess to someone at church (as opposed to confiding solely to my online friends) and ask for prayer. In confessing, I would strip away any illusion of being someone I'm not and invite them to hold me accountable. I made the necessary phone call. That was hard. I've never before, that I can remember, reached out to someone like that when I've been in need--online, yes, but not in person.

May God bless Catherine. She hadn't had the best day herself and was hibernating at home instead of accompanying her husband to where he was going that night but when I called, she came right over. Immediately. When she arrived I bawled and bawled and bawled. I didn't even let her sit down first. She hugged me tightly.

"If she only knew why I had called her here, she wouldn't be hugging me," I thought. I tried to pull away but she wouldn't let me.

When we sat, she listened with respect. "Your depression and the relentlessness of your inability to function this summer have driven cracks into you making things easier for Satan," she said when I was done. "I'm not making excuses for you, but you mustn't be so hard on yourself. You're doing all the right things--calling for help, confessing to someone and mourning your sin."

"I've had trouble coming before God with this, Catherine."

"Why don't we do that together?" she suggested.

Yes, I would like that.

She prayed a bit and then invited me to talk to God as if she wasn't there. I wasn't expecting that and it was hard to do.

My prayer was halting and interrupted by bouts of sobbing: "God, I don't deserve your mercy. All I deserve is death. But Jesus died for me. Jesus talked about us forgiving each other seventy times seven so I know you do the same for us. But I don't deserve it. Moses tasted the pleasures of sin for a season but chose another way. David said it was better to sit one day at your gates than spend a thousand elsewhere. I really enjoyed what I did last night, God--it gave me a lot of pleasure--but even a thousand days of that kind of pleasure is not worth one day at your gates and you haven't just let me sit at your gates. You've brought me into your very presence. Thank you for your forgiveness, for your love, for who you are."

Before she left I told her that I was scheduled to be on the prayer ministry team in the morning. What should I do?

"You go and you pray, and you pray and you pray for people. You are pure. It is behind you. It is covered by the Blood."

I needed to hear that. I also needed someone who didn't try to condemn me of anything but who, instead, brought me before the throne of God and said, "Talk to him!"

To be continued.

Imam and Jesus Coming Together?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad believes that the 12th Imam, the Muslim messiah, is coming soon to earth, likens him to Jesus Christ and says the two will come together at the Second Coming, working together to spread brotherly love:

NBC News' Ann Curry: In your speeches, you pray for God to hasten the arrival of the hidden Imam, the Muslim messiah. Would you tell us, as I know you will speak about this at the general assembly, as well. What is your relationship with the hidden Imam, and how soon do you think before the second coming?

Ahmadinejad: Yes, that's true. I prayed for the arrival of the 12th Imam. The owner of the age, as we call him. Because the owner of the age is the symbol of the – justice and brotherly love prevailing around the world. When the Imam arrives, all of these problems will be resolved. And a prayer for the owner of the age is nothing but a wish for justice and brotherly love to prevail around the world. And it's an obligation a person takes upon himself to always think about brotherly love. And also to treating others as equals.

All people can establish such a connection with the Imam of the age. It's roughly the same as the relationship which exists between Christians and the Christ. They speak with Jesus Christ and they are sure that Christ hears them. And responds. Therefore, this is not limited to us only. Any person can talk with the Imam.

Curry: You've said that you believe that his arrival, the apocalypse, would happen in your own lifetime. What do you believe that you should do to hasten his arrival?

Ahmadinejad: I have never said such a thing.

Curry: Ah, forgive me.

Ahmadinejad: I – I – I was talking about peace.

Curry: Forgive me.

Ahmadinejad: What is being said about an apocalyptic war and – global war, things of that nature. This is what the Zionists are claiming. Imam…will come with logic, with culture, with science. He will come so that there is no more war. No more enmity, hatred. No more conflict. He will call on everyone to enter a brotherly love. Of course, he will return with Jesus Christ. The two will come back together. And working together, they would fill this world with love. The stories that have been disseminated around the world about extensive war, apocalyptic wars, so on and so forth, these are false. [Underlining added by me. Full transcript can be found here.]

What do you think? What are your thoughts? How does this affect your view of the end times? Of the Iran? Of Islam? Of Christ's coming?

Joel Rosenberg comments at http://flashtrafficblog.wordpress.com/2009/09/27/nbc-news-asks-ahmadinejad-about-12th-imam/

Lockerbie Victim Forgives Gadhafi

"How many times should I forgive my brother who has sinned against me," Peter asked, "up till seven times?"

"I tell you," Jesus said, "not seven times but seventy-seven times."

Lisa Gibson, sister of a US service man killed on Pan Am Flight 103 by a terrorist bomb, chose to visit Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi during his visit in New York to the UN General Assembly though most families of those who died on board blame Gadhafi for the terrorist attack that cost the lives of 270 people. Why the different attitude?

"I wanted him to know there were some people out there who've lost loved ones who have a different vision and different heart," she said.

Her motivation? Her Christian faith of which a key component is forgiveness.

"As a Christian, I need to forgive you," she told Gadhafi. "Only God knows if you are responsible.

"At the heart of terrorism is hate and the only way to effectively battle that is with love," she said.

Wow! How thoroughly are you willing to forgive those who have wronged you, hurt you, destroyed something or someone you loved? How much love do you have to give to those the world hates? It's an amazing thing to do what Gibson did. May God bless her richly.

For the full story, written by Joe Sterling for CNN, go here.

How Obsessed Are YOU?

I saw the following video, "The Last Knit," on Thursday's Child's blog. It's hilarious but also a commentary on how we let our obsessions control us:

Can also be seen here.

Brian Ollman

Brian Ollman died unexpectedly last week at the age of 40. I didn’t know the man. I’d never heard of him until reading the Tall Skinny Kiwi’s remembrance of him but he sounds like he an intriguing person.

One time, as a guest creative director for a “multi-media worship installation,” in Austin, Texas, he went around the city collecting garbage and dirt, brought it into the church sanctuary, spread it on the floor with bread and cheap wine and invited the participants to remove their shoes and sit in the mess to have communion—a representation of God “coming into our messiness to lift us up and animate us.”

He once blocked the regular entrance to a church so that all had to file through a back door in an awkward place, symbolising the words of Jesus, “Enter through the narrow gate.”

Tall Skinny Kiwi describes him as “an amazingly creative, spiritual, emotional, crazy guy.” I would have loved to experience some of his out-of-the-box-ness. What fresh ways to illustrate God and his truths! Thank you God for such leaders who aren’t afraid to be different.

Run! Run for Your Lives!

Stop! Listen! What kind of church do you attend? Should you be running like those did who fled the Trade Center on 9/11?

On the first Sunday following the tragedy of September 11th, 2001, Carter Conlon delivered this soul-stirring message at Times Square Church in Manhattan. The sermon was titled, "Run For Your Life" and it is certainly worth the effort to listen to it in its entirety. Visit http://www.braveheartedgospel.com/ to access the sermon MP3.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A6lWl_XzKA

"Forget About the Ones Who Don't"?

I received an e-mail today—one of the sort that’s full of pithy wisdom, engaging pictures and the direction to “Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back.” I usually look at them, though I rarely pass them on, because they help to lighten the day.

This particular one is good:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

All wise statements—and so are the rest until I read this one:

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't.”

Oh? Really? That’s not what Jesus said. He said to love our enemies, be kind to those who mistreat us, do good to those who hate us.

Feel-good theology/psychology is very attractive. We all want to feel good, to embrace what makes us happy and eschew what makes us hurt but what would our lives look like if we did that? We wouldn’t have any struggles. We’d have nothing in our lives to spur us on to personal strength or character development. We’d also have little relational stability in our lives because we would walk away from all we thought weren’t treating us right—and they from us. Don’t we all fail at relating well some times?

Loving my enemy isn’t easy. I find it hard to be kind to those who mistreat me. At times doing both seems downright foolish. There is a way that seems right to a man, but that way is destruction. More and more, I keep finding out just how upside-down God’s kingdom really is. He tells us things that seem contrary to what feels natural and right—the first will be last and the last will be first; love your enemies; in your weakness is strength and so on—but he knows so much better than I what brings life and what brings death. I ignore his ways to my peril.

QQC--A Night of Wind, Fear and Noise

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Exodus 14:21-22

The night Israel spent trapped between the sea and their powerful, ferocious enemies, God’s angel was there with them, along with a pillar of fire, standing between them and the Egyptians.

Presumably the Egyptians’ view of what was ahead of them was blocked—not only by the angel and the fire but by the masses of people they were trying to capture. (There were over 600,000 men fit for fighting in addition to women, children and those men not capable of going to war—easily two million in my opinion. They took up a lot of space.)

During the night God drove the sea back with a strong wind.

Imagine what that night must have been for everyone! Tension was running high on both sides of the pillar of fire—the Egyptians wondering what the next calamity might be (surely the pillar or wall of fire must have unnerved them) and God’s people expecting to be annihilated, for how could they escape?

Added to this was the storm that came with the wind that God used to divide the sea. What did that sound like? Were there trees bending and cracking? Did the wind whistle as it moved through narrow spaces between rocks or people? Was there a lot of flapping of loose clothing on people’s bodies or cloth on the wagons? What did the water sound like as it formed into walls?

There was probably no rain (it would defeat the purpose of creating a dry path on the river bed) but wind on its own is a mighty force to be reckoned with. The sound and action of such a strong storm must have been terrifying. Did the Israelites have trouble keeping their possessions tied down? Were there lots of crying children?

What of all the animals—cows, bulls, sheep, goats, horses? Were they afraid of the wind? Did they moo, bleat or neigh because of the strange weather? Did God give the beasts calmness in the midst of the chaos or were they milling around or even trying to run away? If there was only one animal per person, there were two million on the Israelite side alone. The Egyptians had hundreds of horses on their side—600 of the best chariots, which would take two, four or six horses each plus all the other chariots and horsemen (v. 7, 9).

The noise was deafening. I suspect few people slept that night.

Previous | Next

Return to Quirks, Queries and Commentary's Main Page

Dog Protects Lost Toddler

What a wonderful story!


B.C. toddler lost in Yukon gets to keep dog he followed
Last Updated: Saturday, September 5, 2009 2:27 PM PT CBC News
Searchers found a toddler who had wandered away from a campsite near Tay Creek, about 50 kilometres north of Ross River, Yukon. (CBC)

A two-year-old boy lost in the Yukon bush overnight after wandering away from his family's campsite will get to keep the dog he followed.

The toddler, identified only as Kale, wandered away from a campsite north of Ross River, Yukon, on Thursday.

The boy, from Kamloops, B.C., apparently trailed after a dog, which stayed with him throughout his 25-hour adventure. Continue reading.

QQC--What Confidence!

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Exodus 14:10-14

God’s people had finally been given permission to leave Egypt, the land of their slavery. They were leaving loaded down much of Egypt’s wealth and heading to freedom—a land “flowing with milk and honey.”

But now they find themselves trapped. The Red Sea is before them and the troops and chariots of fickle Pharaoh behind them—fickle because having said they could leave, has changed his mind and wants them back. The people are terrified! How can they escape? They are doomed to die!

But Moses encourages them: Don’t be afraid.... The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Okay, we know the story. We know the outcome. Moses has been known as a man of God for millennia. But stop and think for a minute. How certain could he be that God really would get them out of the jam they were in? I think it took an enormous amount of confidence of Moses in God. By all appearances, there was no way out. Who would guess that God would open the sea?

God, I want the confidence in you that Moses had so that I can say, without a doubt, “Stand firm, Debbie, and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you.” May I be so sure of you, that I can.

Previous | Next

Return to Quirks, Queries and Commentary's Main Page

QQC--Favourably Disposed

Quirks, Queries and Commentary—Exodus 12:33-36

Pharaoh has summoned Moses and Aaron and told them to get out of the country. By now all the Egyptians want God’s people to leave. “Hurry! Shoo! Get out of here!”

But God had told his people to do a curious thing. Back at the burning bush, God said to Moses:

“I will make the Egyptians favourably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbour and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians.” Exodus 3:21, 22

So now that God’s people can finally leave, it’s time to plunder. It has always boggled my mind that 1. God’s people were bold enough to ask their former captors for silver, gold and clothing and 2. That the Egyptians actually gave them what they asked.

The passage says that God had made the Egyptians favourably disposed to his people—an amazing thing, given that they surely perceived their former slaves as beneath them and the ones responsible for all the terrible plagues that had come on the land.

Favourably disposed. Lord, please make others favourably disposed towards me.

Previous | Next

Return to Quirks, Queries and Commentary's Main Page

Is Your Jesus Real or Plastic?

This video is very profound. Make sure you read what's printed on the screen as well as what is being said. I think each of us need to examine our lives to see how close to him we really are.