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Not Doing Well

I'm not doing well.  Has the grief finally hit?  Perhaps.  I'm doing nothing much other than sleeping, I have no energy and I haven't been out of the house since returning from Vancouver except to see the doctor once.  I would appreciate your prayers.  Thank you.


Harmony said…
Hello Debbie,

My husband and I continue to pray for you and your family.

Each person is unique in the way they deal with grief and you have had much to do and prepare for since Mikael's death; your attention has been focused on getting chores and tasks done first for his funeral and then for your other son's wedding. Now you can relax and with that will come the flow of grief that you have had to put aside until now.

Remember that God is with you every step of the way and that He wants to take your burden. He is with you in this valley. Believe it, know it, and embrace His presence.

Grief has many manifestations and doesn't occur in any systematic order. My sense is that you are so "other focused" that you have likely been propping others up. Now it is your time to rest, heal and abide in God's care.

Take care
Your sister in Christ
Shirley (aka Harmony)
Thank you, Shirley. I know that everything you said is true and I know that God is with me. Couldn't do it without him. You're right about the uniqueness of grief for each person. Tom's grief is tied into his thoughts and emotions. Mine is much more physical, as if my mind can't or won't touch it, so it gives it to the body to deal with. It's certainly interesting to watch the differences. Thanks for the encouragement to rest, heal and abide in God's care.

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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …