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Travelling to Our Son's Wedding

I'm sorry I haven't written here more.  We--Tom, Mons, Erik, Erik's girlfriend and me--left on December 20 for our son/brother Konrad's wedding in Vancouver.  We drove, taking three days to get there.  I wanted to do most of the driving but I found myself unable to so Mons took over.  I'm a terrible passenger and that night, as Mons drove, the sky was blacker than ink, broken only by thick fog that covered the road.  I tried to distract myself with my computer--I'd bought an adapter so we could plug our computers into the power outlet of the van--but it wasn't enough to keep me from breathing in through my nose sharply when I got scared, alarming Mons in turn who thought I was seeing a danger he couldn't.

I took over the wheel again the next morning.  It had snowed all night and the accumulation was threatening to keep us in the small town of Glendive, Montana.  I wanted to get as far away from it as possible but the highway didn't make that easy.  It was so packed with snow that none of the painted lines showed through.  I followed the ruts and did a lot of praying.  At the end of four hours I was so exhausted I let Mons drive again and hid myself in the back cubbyhole of the car.

The cubbyhole was the seat closest to the passenger side in the back bench of the van.  The two seats beside it were piled high with luggage, sleeping bags and pillows.  Erik and Jenn were in the middle row and Tom was in the front beside Mons.  The cubbyhole was a good place for me because I couldn't see out the windows so easily and get scared.  It wasn't fair, however, that when Mons took over driving, the weather and roads were perfect.  Nevertheless, I enjoyed my time alone.

I did some crying for Mikael too, later in the day when I heard Tom snoring in the front seat.  Mikael's soft, rhythmic snoring was the last sound I heard from him before he died--dying within earshot and I didn't know it.  I haven't done enough crying for him so it was good to do so.  Maybe part of the reason I haven't really fallen apart yet is because I need to be strong for everyone else, but in that little hidey hole I could cry silently to my heart's content and no one would know.

When it got dark out, I wondered what I'd do to occupy myself.  Our adapter for the computers had died after just one day.  If it wasn't dark out, I could read.  Then I remembered my radio.  For months I saw the radio advertised first in Hammacher Schlemmer catalogues and then in Signals' and National Geographic's.  It's the coolest thing.  In addition to the ordinary ways of powering a radio, this one has a solar panel and, for when there's no sun, a crank.  Furthermore, it has a reading light perfect for the back of a car on a dark night. How useful!

We had good weather the third and last day of our trip to Vancouver and I took over the driving once we were out of the mountains and about to head into urban areas and the border crossing.  It was hard driving past Seattle, knowing all the people there I'd like to visit but not having the time to do so. Customs was quick and easy, however, unlike the warning we'd received--only a car or two in front of us.  That was a relief.  The boys helped Tom and I carry in all our luggage to the motel room and then took the van to Konrad's, where they would spend the next twelve days.

To be continued


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

I suppose I can say that what gives me the greatest pleasure in life is telling others about…

Memories of Mikael Vincent Tien Doe Chan

Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …