I get very frustrated and discouraged by my chronic lack of energy and am constantly wondering how to cope with it. I've thought that trying to simplify my life might help--including removing as much from my life as possible that doesn't feed my body, soul and spirit. I narrowed my priorities to three things: Spending time with God, going for long walks (which energise my soul even as they leave my body exhausted afterwards) and interacting with people. Because it had started to feel like an obligation instead of a joy, I decided that writing was one of the things that I would let go.
At church on Sunday, this seemed to be confirmed when I was convicted that some of the dreams I've had, including writing, have been more about being known, recognised and acclaimed, and thus self-centred, than about edifying God.
Monday, however, I began to rethink this, remembering that when I had asked God, back in January, what three areas he wanted me to grow in this year, one of them was writing--specifically here in my blog. It was to be an act of worship. I'd forgotten that. If writing, for me, is an act of worship it is no longer an obligation, but a joy and could be part of my time with God.
Tuesday evenings belong to a house group I go to but this latest session has involved reading and homework, which on the one hand I embrace and yet I sometimes find overwhelming. Further, by the time evening comes, I'm often too tired to go anywhere. I'd missed the previous two Tuesdays and was thinking that I'd be missing last night as well, but somehow a burst of energy came to me just in time to get ready and go and I'm glad I did.
For the prayer ministry time, our leader did something different. He got a basin and washed each person's feet. When it was my turn, a number of prophetic words were spoken over me. I can't remember exactly what was said, but I tried to remember some key words. One person said that I'm a "different flavour." Another commented on my inquisitive mind. A third prayed that I would have joy as God gave me answers to my questions. Those who spoke have known me for a while and what they said was no surprise; but then someone new, who doesn't know me, added his words to the mix--that I would verbally articulate the answers God gives me so that others will also hear the answers.
Immediately, I thought of my writing. In the past, my "verbal articulation" of the things God has shown me has helped others. Perhaps my writing is a way of worshiping God! And so I've decided that I do need to write. Please pray that I will continue to listen to God and share the insights he gives me.