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A Psalm of Longing for God

I am weary and worn
unable to do or be
what you've called me to.
Caught up in self
in my needs and limitations
So very, very tired.
I can't do this, God!
I need you
to fill me, drive me, energise me
to give me rest
and calm my spirit.
I need you
so I can see others, love others,
engage with others
without withdrawing
without judging
without scepticism, despair, contempt.
I want you, Lord!
I want your peace, your joy,
your contentment
with the way things are:
broken, dirty, messy, incomplete--
not because they are good
but because you are good
because you are present
because you make all things good
in your time.
Fill me with you
so I can wait
for all of you
in all of me.

Debbie Haughland Chan


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About the Author


I'm married (35 years in December 2008) with four grown sons. I love my city (Winnipeg) and my country (Canada) and promote them both to whoever will listen. God (through Jesus Christ) is the biggest part of my life. I am learning to let him take control of all areas--though I do better at this some times more than others.

I have written a book that's recently been published about part of my journey with God. In it I tell how God confronted me with the same-sex attraction issues I've struggled with all my adult life and how he led me through them to a deeper and more meaningful relationship with him. God is amazing—his forgiveness, his love, his movement in our lives when we allow him and so much more. I suspect God will never run out of things to teach me or ways to make me grow and that’s a good thing (though often very painful).

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Reviews of Searching for Love

If you have read the book, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. You may e-mail me at or post them in the comments section below.

A Real Testimony
I finished your book. A real testimony to what God does for us.
Leona March 3, 2009
I Had Tears Coming

I sat down to read it about a week later and ended up finishing it the same night. At first I admit I was a little bored and thought that the whole book was about a battle all in your mind, but as I continued reading this creeping thought came over me of a different...struggle in my own life, that I would never in my right mind have shared with anyone accept maybe God. I've mentioned your book to a few people because it stirs up age-old controversies that I have myself argued and wondered about, namely about whether or not homosexuality can be cured or just managed like alcoholism--you just have to stay away from temptation. I noticed at the end of your book that your struggle story …